Dealing with Domestic Disputes According to the Fa is Part of Fa-Rectification Cultivation (1)
(Clearwisdom.net) For some time, a few fellow practitioners have been preoccupied with domestic disputes of varying degrees. They had difficulty distancing themselves from the situations, and thus the conflicts grew bigger and bigger. In this special period of Fa-rectification, dealing properly with domestic disputes is not as simple as dealing with personal problems. If we do not deal with these situations properly, they will not only affect ourselves, but also the image and reputation of Falun Dafa.
We are all doing the three things as required by the Teacher, and also feel the urgency in saving sentient beings. Teacher said: "Only Falun Dafa disciples of today's Fa-rectification period are able to do that as they validate the Fa, only they are worthy of doing that, and only they are allowed to do that. So what I'm saying is, the historic responsibility you shoulder is significant, and you are laying the foundation for the future."("Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference") My understanding is that only Falun Dafa practitioners are worthy of validating the Fa, and we must first conform to the standards of Falun Dafa practitioners. Only then can we walk well the path of validating the Fa. We must firstly purify ourselves, and only then can we do well in saving sentient beings. This "walk well" and "do well" should be fostered in all environments.
Family is the most fundamental unit of society. Everything in the human world is soaked in emotion, and an ordinary person can't exist without emotions. Practitioners should hold themselves to a higher standard in dealing with family matters and problems, and should clearly step beyond the limitations of emotions. All emotions comes from selfishness, and selfishness manifests itself in all aspects of a being's thoughts and behavior. In the period of individual cultivation, it is fundamental that one lets go of all attachments to self.
If we do not build up a firm foundation during individual cultivation, then these problems will inevitably be displayed during the Fa-rectification period. Everything needs to be rectified from top to bottom in the old cosmos. This includes ordinary society, as everything has degenerated. Most people's philosophy, values, marital, sentimental, and moral views are warped. Addressing these factors using the principles of the old cosmos will not eliminate the warped factors. Moreover, Falun Dafa practitioners themselves also must be rectified.
The closer the process of Fa-rectification reaches to the surface, the greater its influence on the old and warped factors. Therefore we should approach our personal problems during Fa-rectification cultivation with a proper and transparent attitude. If we do not conduct ourselves according to the Fa at all times, we will slip and bring losses to Dafa and ourselves.
The standard for practitioners during Fa-rectification is much higher than the standard during the individual cultivation period, because the responsibilities that practitioners shoulder during the Fa-rectification period are significant. These responsibilities don't include those of doing work in ordinary human society. They also do not manifest in the quantity of things we have done. It is decidedly related to our solid xinxing (1) cultivation. Therefore, the standard must be higher and stricter.
Falun Dafa practitioners should be virtuous and compassionate at all times, no matter where we are, be it among society or at home. How Falun Dafa practitioners should display their behavior is not a simple issue, as it is related to their cultivation. Just like a piece of gold, it is still gold whether it is placed in sand or water, it won't change into something else. More clearly, as a Falun Dafa practitioner living and interacting in society, your words, behavior, and things you do will be judged by others as to you strive to be a good person. Consequently, your family members who do not practice Falun Gong can also tell from your words and behavior whether you meet the high standard of a practitioner.
A Fa-rectification Falun Dafa practitioner must validate the Fa in all environments. For example, it would be inconsistent to validate the Fa out in society, but not at home.
A Falun Dafa practitioner should strive to save sentient beings wherever he or she is, including at home. Actually, saving our family members becomes even more important, because they are around you and witness the process of your cultivation. If one does well, the family will understand and support Falun Dafa, and even take the initiative to tell others the truth. If one does not do well, the family could develop a wrong understanding of Falun Dafa because of you, and hence lose the chance to be saved. In this situation could you say that you have not committed a sin?
Proper etiquette and saving face are important aspects of an individual in society. People often do not show anger openly, no matter what real feelings are deep in one's heart, and one remembers to behave well. However in the home environment one often drops the veil and permits control over the emotions to slip. Thus, one loosens responsibility to oneself. Furthermore, the fondness towards "emotion" and remaining attachments sometimes become the fundamental cause of a domestic dispute.
Domestic disputes are also a vehicle for eliminating the affection of "sentiment." One needs to relax, and search within for shortcomings. This is also part of Fa-rectification cultivation. There is another issue regarding this matter I would like to bring to your attention, and that is that some fellow practitioners regard domestic disputes as interference by the old forces. They even treat family members during conflicts as if they represent the old forces. They see family members as bringing damage, and then become hostile. They forget to look within themselves when resolving the problem. Not looking within can contribute or even be the primary cause of a conflict.
Domestic disputes are different from other types of disputes, as the factors of emotions appear to be more prominent. If we do not study the Fa well enough, we will not be able to display the behavior of Falun Dafa practitioners at all times, and given the selfish outcome of emotions, we may make the wrong choices. This may not only affect the viewpoints of family members, relatives, and friends towards Falun Dafa, but more importantly, it may affect the reputation of Falun Dafa.
As Falun Dafa practitioners who are tasked with the Fa-rectification mission, our actions during any dispute should be based on the principles of "Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance" and should not encourage or stir-up conflict. Otherwise, we are not validating the Fa, but bringing shame to Falun Dafa. Teacher clearly said in "Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Boston," "You are cultivators, whose conduct is [supposed to be] pure and righteous. There are so many people who think you're great just by having seen how you act. If we don't pay attention to our own behavior in our daily lives, everyday people will see our actions and, since they can't get to know you at a deep level, such as by studying the Fa, they will just look at how you act. And it's possible that one sentence or one action of yours will make them unsavable or create a bad impression of Dafa."
One fellow practitioner was busy with Falun Dafa work, and often argued with his non-practitioner wife. Because he did not truly look inward, they divorced. The family members, relatives, and friends of the lady had a more or less negative opinion of Falun Dafa and its practitioners. This fellow practitioner was jolted into understanding that he had many problems which reflected negatively on Falun Dafa. Afterwards, by looking inward, he truly understood that xinxing is not improved by doing things, but in cultivating step-by-step through looking inward. He went to see his ex-wife, talked to her about his own shortcomings, and let her know that he hoped to remarry her. His ex-wife was very surprised, but agreed to associate for a while, and then come to a decision. This fellow practitioner strived to act well at all times, and behave like a true Falun Dafa practitioner. The lady discovered that he had really changed, and that he had become more bighearted and upright than before, so she agreed to remarry him.
Since this practitioner continued to look inward and behave as a true practitioner, he was able to reverse the negative attitude of the wife's family and friends toward Falun Dafa. Thus, the loss he caused was minimal, but he had walked on the edge of a precipice for a while.
(1). Xinxing - Mind or heart nature; moral character.