Only When We Relinquish the Attachment to Human Emotions Will Compassion Grow in Our Hearts
(Clearwisdom.net) Sometimes I complain to Teacher in my heart, "Why are there so many hardships?" Then I recall that Teacher has said,
"Let me tell you that a lot of it has already been removed for you, and your tribulations are already quite trivial. If it were not removed for you, you might already have dropped dead had you encountered this trouble. Perhaps you would never be able to get out of your bed. When you meet with a little trouble, you will feel uncomfortable. But how can it be that comfortable?"(Zhuan Falun)
While I was in a forced labor camp, the police wanted to transfer me directly to a brainwashing center. My wife went to the police station and begged them to release me. However, it was useless and she left in despair. I asked her for the house keys before she left, and she looked at me, startled. I smiled and said, "How can I go home without the keys?" The immense confidence and righteous thoughts, brought about by sending righteous thoughts with great intensity over the past few months, allowed me to understand that there was no way they could keep me there.
I returned home shortly after my wife had left the police station. However, I did not know that an even harsher tribulation was waiting for me. When my wife returned home in the evening, she wanted to negotiate with me. She asked me if I would choose her or choose Falun Gong. When she heard my answer to the affirmative that I would practice Falun Gong, she forced me to get a divorce. After I complied, she immediately called a person outside with her cell phone and left swiftly. Later I found out that her boyfriend was waiting for her in a car downstairs, preparing to protect her at anytime from any "harm."
My wife and I used to be affectionate towards each other. What was most precious was that she began practicing Falun Gong at the most difficult time, at the end of 1999 [after the persecution had begun]. Together we distributed truth-clarifying materials and did very well. She visited me every month without exception while I was in the labor camp.
All of this secretly covered up my biggest attachment: my emotions towards my wife. Without any mental preparation, I suddenly experienced such a heavy and unexpected blow.
Cultivation is indeed extremely serious. Its importance is forever beyond the imagination of sentient beings. No matter how high a level we have reached or how well we've done in the past, any attachment that we fail to let go of can destroy us in an instant.
In fact, Teacher had already hinted at this problem to me while I was in the forced labor camp. However, I did not think that it would be such a big problem. As a result, this unexpected blow weakened my righteous thoughts instantly. I was suddenly arrested from my home and brought to a brainwashing center. At this point, my righteous thoughts were too weak to resist such brutal torture and I gave in against my will.
I knew that my cultivation level instantly dropped drastically and I felt very downcast. Underneath this pain, I sometimes recalled the person who once so diligently sent forth righteous thoughts in the labor camp. That person seemed very remote and foreign, was that really me? The only clear consciousness left in me knew that the "third person" had come to collect a karmic debt and I felt hatred towards him.
One evening, my wife came home unexpectedly early. We did not say much and she was again called away by her boyfriend who was waiting downstairs. This time, she also took our daughter with her. At that moment, so much humiliation welled up within me that I could barely control myself.
Suddenly I realized that this had happened because I had not yet relinquished my human emotions. The old forces then used this omission to arrange interference and tribulations. I could not accept this arrangement. I should take the path that Teacher has arranged for me. I should resolve this situation with compassion and save both my wife and her boyfriend. In theory I understood what I was supposed to do. Yet I couldn't have done worse in real life. It was very hard to resolve this matter compassionately with such strong attachments. On the issue of divorce, I thought back and forth. It seemed to me like having the divorce would be following the arrangement of the old forces, and staying together would be what Teacher had arranged. After much pondering and struggling, we eventually divorced.
It has all become really clear to me looking back at it now. The reason I was unable to make the decision whether or not to divorce was because I was unwilling to let go of my human emotions. I was holding onto it very tightly and using Dafa to cover it up, hoping that I could find an excuse within the Fa to retrieve the object of my attachment.
"... as long as you walk a righteous path I can actually give everything a benevolent resolution. I can make that extreme thinking become good for sure, and then I can make him not want his life back, since I can untie the knot in his mind with the Fa--I can do anything. But when you have attachments and can't let go, then it can't be untied and Master is put in a tough position."
(From "Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference")
What is "walking a righteous path?" My understanding is that we achieve this state when we have no attachments, when the basis of our thoughts and actions are on Fa-rectification, and when we put our mind to saving sentient beings. Unable to let go of such a strong attachment, how could I have righteous thoughts? How could I expect to resolve this issue with compassion?
I had written letters clarifying the truth to "him," but all my attachments were written into the letter, and the underlying reason was not to clarify the truth; I was instead trying to restore my marriage, so in the end I could not send the letter out.
After a long time of studying the Fa and cultivating in the Fa-rectification once again, I gradually remembered the righteous thoughts I used to have in the past. The result and the price of the old forces' arrangements are very high - they have only brought depression and destruction to sentient beings, and if it were not for Teacher who saved me a second time, I would have been destroyed this time.
Attachments cover up the truth, and looking back at things now, the one who suffered the greatest loss was my ex-wife whom I was so reluctant to let go of. To Dafa practitioners, love and hate are just roles in the play of the human world; the true essence of life is that beings need to be reborn from the old universe and clearly face the hardships during that process. We should stand back and look at all the attachments and mentalities, all the plays within the plays, and in a timely manner let go of those attachments that should be let go.
Looking through all the illusions, and remembering Teacher's Fa, I smiled with understanding. It is only after letting go of my emotions that I could understand what "compassion" truly was.
At the end of the year, I again picked up my pen, wrote to my ex-wife's boyfriend and clarified the truth to him. The letter was very long but it never mentioned our past hate; I simply clarified the truth to him. My only responsibility to him was to give him a future. While writing the letter, the more I wrote the easier it became and the more compassionate it became, and in the end, the anger of losing my wife left me completely. With compassion increasing in my heart and in the universe, the capacity of my mind became very, very broad.
January 28, 2004