Doing My Part to Safeguard Falun Dafa (Part 3)
3. Constantly Rectifying and Transcending Myself
To my surprise, I was in two different states of mind when I was in the forced labor camp and when I was outside. The attachments and human notions that I'd let go of in the forced labor camp got stirred up after I was released, and sometimes my behavior was even worse than when I was in the labor camp.
First, my son and my husband took turns testing my xinxing [mind-heart nature, moral character]. I remember that Teacher said that things that do not have anything to do with you would never happen to you, and that even if a third person sees it, he should look within himself:
"Everything that happens today in the ordinary society is the result of Dafa disciples' thoughts." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.")
So every time there was a conflict, I searched within myself and I dug out a great deal of fighting mentality. I also discovered that I lacked the immense tolerance, forbearance, and mercy, and I failed to maximally conform to the ways of the ordinary human society while cultivating.
After digging out my attachments, I then found a way to resolve the problem, based on the Fa. Faced with my son's rudeness, disrespect, and seriously worsening character, I gave him direct guidance and spent more time to show him that I cared for him. Moreover, I determined that the reason he had all these problems was basically because he failed to hold himself to the requirements of Falun Dafa, because his understandings of many problems were not based on the Fa, and because he was severely contaminated by the big dye vat of everyday people. I made extra effort to spend more time with him and chat with him about cultivation and Dafa related things, and I listened to tapes of Fa-teachings and studied Falun Dafa books with him. I let him watch and read truth-clarification video programs and materials, and I took him to share experiences with fellow practitioners and to hear local young practitioners' cultivation stories.
Understanding this from the perspective of the Fa, I felt that I should not treat him like my son. Instead, I should treat him like a young fellow practitioner. We are both here to obtain the Fa. I should respect him and should not criticize or correct him. Our relationship as mother and son is nothing but a manifestation of everyday people. I should not maintain everyday peoples' mentality of seeking returns. I let go of my attachments, and his school performance improved, his xinxing elevated greatly, and he became more disciplined.
The fundamental problem with my husband was that he felt he had sacrificed too much for me and that he had suffered serious financial loss. When I let go of my attachment to money and consider others in everything I did, I felt very relaxed. Under Teacher's merciful arrangement, our financial condition gradually improved and our family relationship also became good. In many respects, I tried as much as possible to conform to the ways of the ordinary human society while cultivating. However, I did not compromise in my cultivation. Gradually, he again got used to my cultivation ways. Sometimes I forgot the time to send righteous thoughts, and he actually reminded me about it. Before the National Day approached, I discussed with him about letting an out-of-town practitioner, who just got released from a forced labor camp, stay at our home for a short time. He happily agreed and said, "Tell her to come, then. Let her come over and rest for a while. When you guys get together, just talk about whatever you like. If it has something to do with your belief, I'm not against it."
"Everything that happens today in the ordinary society is the result of Dafa disciples' thoughts."
("Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.")
This is absolutely true. When we keep rectifying ourselves and when we try our best to be compassionate, benevolent, tolerant, and selfless, everyday people's kind and knowing sides will be inspired and motivated, and they will show their kindness, rationality, understanding, and support.
My second breakthrough was assimilating to the Fa and completely catching up with the progress of Fa-rectification.
When I was just released from the forced labor camp, because I had not been studying the Fa or practicing the exercises for more than three years, I had a very poor understanding of Fa-rectification cultivation. I felt that it was not good and that I needed to elevate my understanding of the Fa in order to solve some fundamental problems. So I put aside everything, and calmed my mind to study the Fa wholeheartedly. Yet, since I had not been studying the Fa for more than three years, it would take quite some time to read through all of Teacher's many articles in one round, and I would not be able to have an in-depth understanding of the Fa. During that time, Teacher published "Stop the Evil Acts with Righteous Thoughts" and "Eliminate the Dark Minions with Righteous Thoughts," one after the other. I repeatedly read and recited them and deepened my understanding of the Fa. I felt strength and courage emerging from somewhere in my body. At that time, I also heard fellow practitioners' understandings of the new articles, and I was somewhat inspired.
I repeatedly studied "Teaching the Fa at the 2003 Atlanta Fa Conference," and in particular, I repeatedly recited what Teacher said:
"You need to be clear that a Dafa disciple's cultivation is about stepping out of humanness; it is to step out of the old colossal firmament that is restrained by all kinds of factors that result from endless, countless, innumerable beings in this old cosmos; it is to gain a new life, emerging from an environment that is at the last of the last stage of the formation-stasis-degeneration-destruction process of the colossal firmament." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2003 Atlanta Fa Conference")
One time, while reciting it, I felt as if I was really undergoing the process of breaking away from those countless layers upon layers of restraining forces, in which all the forces that had tied me up and restrained me broke loose one after another. Then I immediately felt light all over my body. Instantly, the puzzle that had always bothered me was solved. Before I was arrested in 2000, it was completely up to righteous enlightenment and letting go of life and death that I was able to step forward to validate the Fa. However, now Teacher has endowed his disciples with the capability that surpasses all gods and demons and Teacher has given his disciples the immeasurably precious magic weapon, sending righteous thoughts, which gives us the capability to eliminate all evil.
At that moment, I truly felt my mind transcend and the capacity of my heart expand like never before. My body and mind were filled with Dafa's power and righteous thoughts. My fear, worry, and depression vanished in an instant. I truly melted into the progress of today's Fa-rectification.
My third breakthrough was made in practicing the exercises and breaking through the restraints of time.
I had been reluctant to practice the exercises. I obtained the Fa late, and I seldom practiced the exercises during my three-year detention in the forced labor camp. I had been busy after returning home. I was also intimidated by the authorities, so I slept very little. Because I was afraid to interfere with the following day's work and study, and because I was affected by human notions, I did not practice the five sets of exercises every day. In July and August, I seldom ever practiced the exercises. As a result, I did not see a big change in my innate body, nor was my state of health very good. In particular, my previous "lower back problem" kept re-appearing. After studying Teacher's lecture which requests us to practice the exercises well, I felt how serious my problem was. I also read The Great Consummation Way of Falun Dafa:
"One purpose of the exercises is to strengthen a practitioner's supernormal abilities and energy mechanisms using his or her powerful gong potency (gongli), thus achieving 'the Fa refines the practitioner.' Another purpose is to evolve many living beings in a practitioner's body... A person who only cultivates his xinxing and does not perform the exercises of the Great Consummation Way will find the growth of his gong potency impeded and his original-body (benti) unchanged." (The Great Consummation Way of Falun Dafa)
Fa-principles enabled me to become clearheaded and rational. Consequently, I was determined to break through. After sending righteous thoughts at midnight, I practiced the exercises before I went back to sleep. I practiced the exercises for one and a half hours, and I practiced the meditation the next morning. The first two or three days when I started, I was very tired. Some fellow practitioners told me, "You need to pay attention to getting some rest. We are, after all, in a human state, with our bodies being restricted by time and space at this level. Plus, if you never have any energy, it is not good for your clarifying the truth to everyday people." I thought to myself, "No, I simply must do this. These notions are still human things, and I must completely eliminate them. I am Teacher's disciple. As long as my thoughts are righteous, nothing can interfere with me or stop me.
"One's gong level is as high as one's xinxing level" "In fact, let me tell everyone that matter and mind are one thing." (Zhuan Falun).
As long as I steadfastly maintain my righteous thoughts, matter will change. Practicing the exercises is, in itself, absorbing high energy matter to change the innate body. Therefore, the more the innate body is changed, the less it will be restricted by the space and time at this level. Even if I appear to be tired for a period of time, I will still persist. My life was meant to save sentient beings in the first place. I don't have enough time, so I can only breakthrough in the issue of time. Moreover, I firmly believe that everything will change for the better. Indeed, since the second day after I firmed up my thoughts, I never felt tired again. On the contrary, I became increasingly more energetic, my body felt light, and my head was always clear. I can't describe the magnificence of Falun Dafa.
There is not that much time left in the future and time won't wait for me, so I need to strive forward even further, keep breaking through and transcending myself, and accomplish the great mission that Teacher and history have bestowed upon us.