(Clearwisdom.net) (continued)

(Article for First Written Experience Sharing for Falun Gong Practitioners in China)

Part I: http://www.clearwisdom.net/emh/articles/2004/10/28/53943.html

(3) To deal with painful lessons, one has to calm down to be able to study the Fa, look inward, abandon attachments, and compensate for the damage in every way possible.

I went to Beijing five times to validate the Fa. I was arrested by the authorities and sent many times to prisons, brainwashing centers, and forced labor camps. None of this shook my unwavering faith in Teacher and Falun Dafa. This made me a little famous in the local area and fellow practitioners wanted to share experiences with me. I was used to people telling me how great I had done in my cultivation practice. This had a detrimental effect, as I was unable to face these situations righteously, based on the Fa. Attachments to showing off, zealotry, and being superficial were thus able to take a foothold and cause serious consequences.

I forgot that as a Falun Dafa practitioner I not only should look inward during conflicts, but also when being praised. No matter the situation, good or bad, I can't forget to look inward. The evil is observing us constantly to find our loopholes. The evil will do anything in its power to widen the loophole and drag us down.

Teacher has warned us in Zhuan Falun and repeatedly in many other articles that the practice is serious.

"For a cultivator, all the frustrations he comes across among everyday people are trials, and all the compliments he receives are tests."

("A Cultivator is Naturally Part of It" from Essentials for Further Advancement)

"The mind of showing off plus the attachment of zealotry will be most easily exploited by the demonic heart."

("Definitive Conclusion" from Essentials for Further Advancement)

"It is extremely dangerous to add anything human to cultivation practice."

("Digging Out the Roots" from Essentials for Further Advancement)

Every word and sentence in Teacher's Fa lectures point directly to all of my attachments! However I did not grasp Teacher's hints.

In August 2003, the Wuhan "610 Office" listed me as one of their primary targets for "transformation". People from the residential commission, the police station, and the street office came to my house seven times trying to persuade me to give up my practice of Falun Dafa. I didn't sense that my attachment to zealotry and showing off emerged when I clarified the truth to them. Every time I clarified the truth, it could go on for hours. At times I hit the points brilliantly, and at times I would even use sarcastic humor to expose the truth. Even I was impressed by my own performance. However, I forgot this wit came from Dafa. It gave me wisdom. Teacher gives this power to his practitioners. The attachment of showing off intertwined with the attachment of zealotry, and they were intensifying. I had no idea that my level dropped when these attachments made me act outside the Fa. A practitioner shouldn't be in this state of mind. While it looked like I was clarifying the truth and validating Falun Dafa on the surface, in fact, I was embracing the mind of an everyday person and was validating my own speaking abilities. What a huge loophole! Regrettably, I was unable to recognize this human notion until I had a painful experience.

On October 15, 2003, while I was taking care of my home, Director Yang from the "610 Office," three police officers, and two secretaries from the residential commission arrived. When Yang tried to force me to slander Teacher, I refused. They were going to arrest me and take me to a "legally sanctioned re-education class." I told them, "I am not going to that class. That is a Fascism class." Later I went to the bathroom and wouldn't open the door. Officer Chen kicked open the bathroom door and dragged me out. My daughter came to stop them and wouldn't let them take me. Chen yanked my daughter's arm away and threatened to take her away if she didn't let go. At the same time, a lot of my neighbors were watching this, but none of them made a noise when these depraved people kidnapped me in broad daylight. In the past, whenever these wicked people came to my house to harass me, a lot of my neighbors stood up for me, "This woman is a good person, don't treat her like this!" Since Director Yang and Li Wei both thought that my power to influence the crowd was too great, they started to talk to my neighbors individually. They spread lies and threatened and bribed my neighbors to keep quiet and not interfere. As I was shouting "Falun Dafa is wrongfully accused," they pushed me into the police car and sent me to the E'touwan Brainwashing Center, the so-called "legally sanctioned re-education center."

The brainwashing center brought ten staff members from its supervising unit to brainwash me. I was the only practitioner imprisoned there at the time. The second day they started to play the VCD's that slander Falun Gong to brainwash me. They also played the recordings of the speeches of Wang Zhigang, Sima Nan, He Zuoxiu, and Cai Chaodong. They distorted Teacher's lectures by citing bits and pieces separately in order to damage the content of the lecture. I wouldn't watch nor listen to any of it because I had practiced Falun Gong for seven years and I knew Falun Gong was real and great and so was Teacher. None of this slander had any effect on me. Four days later, practitioner Gui (an elderly lady, first name unknown) was also brought to the brainwashing center. They forced us to watch VCD's slandering Falun Dafa in the mornings and read similar materials aloud to us at night. The content of all this material was so far removed from the truth that it could only fool people who knew nothing about Falun Gong. This material could not deceive someone like me, a practitioner who had practiced for seven years and benefited from this practice immensely.

From October 16, 2003 on we were "listening" to all their material, day and night. By November 1, 2003, they still had not transformed me. Consequently, they put me in solitary confinement for four days. They did not succeed. On the fifth day, the ten staff members divided into five teams, and each team was closeted with me for four hours that day. This went on until midnight. Then, on the sixth day they prohibited me from sitting down during class. The weather turned rainy and windy, and the temperature was 3C (38F). They forced me to stand outdoors for more than half an hour before I was allowed to go back into the room. There was only an empty bed and nothing else. In the morning of the seventh day, they woke me up before eight in the morning and forced me to listen to the deceptive material. They still couldn't transform me. Li Wei dragged me three times to the wall. He told me to bang my head against the wall and commit suicide. I told Li, "I can't do that. Teacher said clearly in the Fa principles that practitioners cannot commit suicide, as it is the same as killing a life. Being a practitioner, I must follow the principles Teacher taught us! Coercion cannot change people's heart!" There were two other staff members, Lin and Wu (both first names unknown), at the scene who witnessed the whole event. Because I refused to read the deceptive material with the staff members, they came up with another torture method. They had me stand still for six consecutive days. I was not allowed to sit down or take a break during all those days. They wouldn't even let me sit down while eating. One day, seven people surrounded me and pushed me down to the ground and put Teacher's picture in my sock to humiliate me. Facing this group of depraved people, acting in such desperate madness, no word can express the sorrow I felt about the extent they had slipped into evilness.

After another six days, Li Wei saw that he couldn't transform me, so he cuffed my hands and hung me up by the cuffs. My shoulders and lower back became extremely painful. Li said, "This is meant to break your bones!" So they cuffed and hung a 70-year-old woman for two consecutive days.

In this hell on earth, being surrounded by demons, I did not sleep on a bed for eight straight days because they made me stand still for six days and hung me up for two days. I felt that I couldn't concentrate anymore and I couldn't think. I couldn't form any righteous thoughts. My hands were cuffed and they forced me to put my fingerprints on a prepared "Transformation Letter." This was the greatest humiliation and stain. A practitioner cannot be cleansed from such a stain! For the longest time, I suffered unbearable pain, regret and humiliation, and I couldn't seem to recover from it. I realized then that the spiritual persecution of practitioners was harder to bear than the physical persecution.

The next morning after I left the brainwashing center, I went to a practitioner's home, kneeled down in front of Teacher's picture and cried uncontrollably and with great anguish. Though I sent out a "Solemn Declaration" the same day, I still was not sure what was going to happen and what to do. I lowered my head when I saw sentient beings and was speechless when I saw other practitioners. I couldn't do any of the three things a practitioner needs to do. This continued until Teacher's lecture in Atlanta was published. It was then that I was released from this suffocating pressure. I dreamed of our compassionate and great Teacher standing on top of a mountain and extending his hand to his student who has fallen down into the chasm. From Teacher's hint in the dream, I realized that my own world was empty. I knew that I had to start all over, from nothing.

First, I needed to break through my inability to calm down and study the Fa:

"The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts."

("Drive Out Interference" from Essentials For Further Advancement II)

Through calmly studying the Fa and looking inward, I was finally able to let go of the attachments to zealotry, showing off and vanity. If I thought about the tribulations I had as an everyday person, I could not find anything to be happy about. I therefore had no reason for showing off. It was Teacher's Fa that gave me a brand new life. All the beauty I felt in my life was from the Fa.

Why did I lower my head in shame when I saw sentient beings? Why could I not say anything when I saw practitioners? It all came from the attachment of vanity. I simply couldn't bear the thought of losing face. Being a practitioner, if I couldn't abandon these attachments, I could not validate the Fa. The road was covered with the brutal persecution and the vow of a god would become fragile. The lesson I learned was painful and heavy.

Teacher's benevolent compassion once again saved me. It freed me up to face the future more steadfastly and more forthrightly. I must make up for the things I did wrong and do even more to compensate for the loss I caused Dafa. Once my righteous thoughts emerged, I immediately put them into action.

(1) First I told my neighbors and all my acquaintances the truth about the brutal persecution perpetrated on a 70 year-old woman by Jiang's regime and his depraved perpetrators. While I was imprisoned in the brainwashing center, practitioners outside had already told my neighbors how I was being persecuted in the prison. Now I could tell them in person and confirm this information to my neighbors. They realized that all was true and it cleared the doubts in some neighbors' mind. They all expressed their sympathy and were angry about the persecution.

(2) After that, I filed a complaint with the responsible government agency against the depraved individuals who carried out this inhumane persecution. The persecution caused me tremendous trauma both physically and mentally. I suffered severe consequences and was unable to recover for a long time. I demanded to have an examination at a hospital and insisted that the authorities pay all the medical expenses. Given all the facts, they had no choice but to accept my demands. Now I have the proof and am ready to point out the crimes committed against practitioners.

(3) I wrote letters to President Hu Jintao and Prime Minister Wen Jiabao and told them about the inhumane persecution I had encountered. I urged them, based on the constitution and the laws, to severely punish the criminals whose hands were stained with practitioners' blood.

(4) I heard on the news that "starting from this May to next June, the Supreme Procuratorate has asked their agents nationwide to investigate activities by government officials concerning abuses of power and violations of human rights. The procurators will focus their investigations on five types of human right violations by the government officials -- crimes of negligence at work causing civilians severe losses of property or lives; illegal imprisonment; illegal search; tortures during interrogations and using violence to obtain evidence; sabotaging elections; and violating citizens' democratic rights and torturing detainees."

I thought of the persecution I suffered in the "legally sanctioned re-education class (brainwashing class)." This investigation will fully target the crimes committed during the recent past. In the brainwashing center, they set up a place not sanctioned under existing regulations in the constitution and under existing laws. They unlawfully imprisoned me there and tortured me. They forced me to give up my belief in "Truthfulness, Compassion, Tolerance," which was the same as forcing me to give up the right of wanting to be a good person.

I wrote a letter to the Supreme People's Procuratorate stating the above situation and asked for justice to be served. At the same time, I consulted a local procuratorate and prepared to file a lawsuit.

That morning I arrived early, before the district procuratorate was open. I first sent righteous thoughts in close proximity to eliminate the evil factors around the procuratorate. Then I repeated a number of times a part of Teacher's article "Also in a Few Words":

"Indestructible righteous faith in the cosmos's Truth forms benevolent Dafa disciples' rock-solid, Diamond-Like Bodies, it frightens all evil, and the light of Truth it emanates makes the unrighteous elements in all beings' thoughts disintegrate. However strong the righteous thoughts are, that's how great the power is." (from Essentials for Further Advancement II)

When the bell rang, I followed a man in his fifties into his office and explained the purpose of my trip. I answered all his questions.

Now that I think about it, the process of consultation was in fact the process of face-to-face clarifying the truth. It might look like I needed his opinions, but in fact he was "consulting" me. Between questions and answers, I clarified all the questions he raised such as the appeal on April 25. 1999, when the practitioners had gone to Tiananmen Square to validate the Fa, the "self-immolation" in Tiananmen Square, practitioners killing people, and Teacher making outrageous money from his books.

I sent righteous thoughts while I was talking to eliminate the evil factors surrounding him and thus got very good results. I was totally calm and not a bit scared the entire time. On the other hand, I could see him being unsettled by an apparent conflict, given his words and his thoughts. He constantly turned around to see if there was anyone around, as if he was afraid that people would overhear our conversation. His attitude was mild when there was no one around but turned serious and upset when someone entered the room. I understood from his attitude that the evil had brought about the state terrorism. I became aware of the heavy psychological burden this put on the Chinese people, including these government officials. They had to make a living in such a suppressive environment and had to live such a pathetic life. Suddenly, immense compassion emerged from my heart. I again felt the heavy responsibility practitioners have in order to save sentient beings. I realized that time is running out.

I talked for a little more than half an hour and said to him that I would write an appeal letter after I got home. He said to me before I left, "Forget about the appeal letter, the procuratorate would not accept any Falun Gong case. Don't run around after you get home and be careful. If the police officers find out what you are doing, you will be punished." I told him, "Please remember this in your heart, 'Falun Dafa is Good.' If you are in trouble, remember 'Falun Dafa is Good' and 'Truthfulness, Compassion, Tolerance are good,' Teacher and Dafa will protect you."

For some reason, I didn't feel relaxed at all after I left the procuratorate. I thought of what Teacher said in "Teaching the Fa at the 2003 Atlanta Fa Conference":

"Every Dafa disciple will shoulder immense responsibilities in the future. There are so many beings that need you to save them--there are so many lives that need you to save them. During this period of time, you yourselves need to harmonize and consummate everything that's needed for your own Fruition and countless beings. Your mighty virtue and everything of gods are within it. That's why I often say that in validating the Fa, you should do well the three things Dafa disciples need to do, and everything is encompassed in them. So I say that the most important goal for you in clarifying the truth is to save even more beings in the process. This is what's foremost, and this is the real purpose of clarifying the truth ... Saving beings should permeate every single aspect of your daily lives at this time. If you can all understand and really see its importance, I think you'll probably save more beings."

I realized that so much was still waiting to be done by practitioners and therefore we could not slack off even just for a short time. Teacher's immense compassion for sentient beings moves me deeply. His high expectation for practitioners encourages me. I must cherish Teacher's compassion for sentient beings and not disappoint him and meet all his expectations for us. I must follow Teacher's words!

During this time, practitioners in our area did a good job coordinating. Practitioners made truth clarification materials using the true persecution stories about me and three other practitioners (Huang Zhao died because of the persecution; Huang Yongmei became handicapped because of the persecution; and Liu Youqing suffered severe brain damage due to lack of sleep for 18 consecutive days). The materials are being widely distributed in our area and are intimidating the evil. I believe whoever sees the truth materials can tell right from wrong, benevolent from evil, and gain righteous thoughts from them.

Now, no matter how busy I am with Dafa work, I make sure I read two to three chapters of Zhuan Falun daily, plus other articles. Every day I target the evil in the three realms, New York City, Beijing, and our local area, and send righteous thoughts at least ten times. I send righteous thoughts as many times as I can.

I remind myself daily that saving sentient beings is a sacred responsibility Teacher asks of practitioners. I must not let the truth clarifying work become a routine and treat it like a job. Saving sentient beings is not like finishing a job: my positive attitude toward clarifying the truth will bring about different results. I cherish every copy of truth clarifying material I have and refuse to give up any opportunity to clarify the truth. Among the everyday people I know, there is a part of them that indeed understands that Falun Dafa is good. They had seen the nature of the brutal persecution against Falun Gong and the practitioners. There are seven people who want to read Zhuan Falun and learn the exercises. I follow Teacher's request and quickly arrange for them to learn the Fa and the exercises.

The current of Fa-rectification is moving forward quickly and powerfully, and the limited time left is moving faster and faster away from us. I have to seize the time left and do the three things well. If all those worth saving are saved, then I wouldn't regret what's not been done when the Fa-rectification arrives in the human world.

In conclusion, let's review Teacher's article, "Let Go of Human Attachments and Save the World's People."

"Dafa disciples as a whole have passed the stage of personal cultivation. At present, because the enormous current of Fa-rectification is charging forward, the stage of Dafa disciples' validating the Fa is approaching completion and history is about to enter a new phase. From now on, the Dafa disciples in China as much as anyone, both new students and veterans alike, should let go of their long-standing human attachments and start to seize the day and comprehensively save the world's people. Once the current time period is over, the first large-scale process of weeding out sentient beings will begin. For a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple, personal liberation is not the goal of cultivation: when you came, saving sentient beings was your great aspiration, and that is the responsibility and mission history has bestowed upon you in Fa-rectification. Thus great numbers of beings are to be saved by you. Dafa disciples, don't forsake the magnificent responsibility that has been bestowed upon you in Fa-rectification, and even less should you disappoint those beings, as you are now their only hope for entering the future. For this reason, all Dafa disciples, students both new and veteran, should get to work and begin comprehensively clarifying the truth. This is especially so for the Dafa disciples in Mainland China: each must come out and clarify the truth, bringing it to every field and valley, mountain and hill, not omitting a single area where there are people."

From the First Written Experience Sharing For Practitioners in China