Some Thoughts on the Issues of Affection, Love and Marriage
(Clearwisdom.net) Recently, fellow practitioners suggested discussing the issues of affection, love, and marriage based on some problems that happened to some practitioners in China.
We have had different opinions on these issues. Some of us said, "How could we have this mindset during this stage in the Fa rectification?" According to this way of thinking, it looks as if those who want to marry are drifting off the major course, as we are supposed to give up all of our personal issues and put ourselves into the Fa rectification wholeheartedly. However, some others think being married allows us to practice cultivation to the maximum extent with ordinary human society as Teacher lectures in the Fa, so wanting to be married helps one avoid going to extremes or into a dead end. In addition, sometimes marriages may create some favorable conditions that are good for what we need to do at present.
Here I would like to share with you some of my personal ideas. From my perspective, both opinions are right. For example, meat eating is not a problem itself, the key point is to remove the attachment to meat. The purpose of this discussion is that its focus should not be completely on the selection of a correct opinion, but on understanding the deep meanings behind each--that is to say, how to practice cultivation in a more harmonious way. As practitioners run into conflicts, all of us need to check our mindset on the basis of the Fa, regardless of what is in our mind, when we run into conflicts and especially when our heart is disturbed. If we are attached to the discussion of different opinions instead of looking inward ourselves, we will miss opportunities and also develop attachments. It will be difficult for us to solve problems in our heart in cultivation.
For the first opinion above, many of those fellow practitioners can fully realize the preciousness of the time that Teacher created for the Fa rectification and fully realize the significance of life. Therefore, they can let go of everything among everyday people, making full use of time to do the three things that Teacher told us. It will be surely good if more practitioners can do this from the heart, not as a formality, but from their nature. It won't be a problem as long as you are not attached to it, but are grounded in the Fa and on saving people. But how can we handle the problem when we have different opinions? Can we, while setting strict demands for ourselves and always cultivating our character, still remember to treat others well? Do we follow the principles and at the same time tolerate others in a harmonious way? Or as Falun Dafa practitioners, when we are strict with ourselves using the criteria of the Fa, do we also try to set our own demands for others or try to cultivate others? Shouldn't we, on the basis of being good to others, reason with the other party in a tolerant, compassionate and understanding way, rather than be attached to outcomes?
Some practitioners feel pressured by those with this opinion, so they don't have the courage to tell fellow practitioners after they are married. Without a doubt, this is an attachment. If something is not right, we shouldn't do it. If we need to do something, we should have a clear mind that it conforms to the requirements of the Fa for practitioners at different levels, instead of blindly following the example of others. Some fellow practitioners that have no way to obtain an ID under the persecution cannot register for marriage, so they just follow the common-law. This issue is complicated and beyond our discussion here. Clearwisdom.net has already posted some relevant articles addressing this.
During the peaceful period before 1999, practitioners also had different opinions on the issue of marriage, but didn't go to extremes as we do at present in the Fa rectification period. Why?
It is true there are some external causes. In this long persecution, many fellow practitioners who have lost their jobs and families work on the Fa rectification together. When they help each other, for those who still have everyday people's mentalities, including affection and desire, they need mutual consolation and encouragement in a cruel and harsh environment. For example, if two persons share an apartment it will cost less than if they each lived separately. This also gives neighbors the impression that they are couples. It should be beneficial that we practice cultivation and work on the Fa rectification to the maximum extent with ordinary human society. However, we need to do our best to set strict standards for ourselves, and not just use it as a guise. The affection should be taken lightly and not affect the overall situation.
From the perspective of internal causes, is it that we can't be harmonious in our minds and rise above affection and desires? If it is the time for these attachments to be abandoned, is this why the problem pops up in one form or another? Besides, is it possible that some practitioners haven't put the Fa in the first place and are still showing off?
In addition, some of the practitioners who have different opinions might have a deep attachment, such as guessing when the Fa rectification will end. I have seen many of these examples. Failing to clearly realize and completely remove this deep attachment, they gave up all of their material belongings and living environment and went to extremes. Then because they didn't understand the Fa in a harmonious way, they went to the opposite side when the Fa rectification didn't end as they assumed. They were desperately chasing what they lost, but actually what they lost was because of their going to extremes.
A part of the problem could be that some practitioners are trying to arrange their own path of cultivation, not letting go of the attachments to profit and desire, and only temporarily giving up some trifles at the moment for fulfilling a cause. Meanwhile, they are bargaining with the Fa: "Since I gave up something on my own, I am supposed to get this or that." These attachments are very dangerous when the Fa rectification has reached this stage. We need to dig out them out at the root through studying the Fa.
The above are my personal opinions. My purpose in presenting this topic is to demonstrate that when handling any issues, we practitioners can change our ideas or purify our thoughts and character as a result of conflict. I am not trying to point out any specific situation or individual. Please oblige me with your opinions if my article has anything that is not appropriate on the basis of the Fa principles.