Missed Opportunities Lead to Much Remorse
(Clearwisdom.net) When I stayed in a classmates' home, I talked about Falun Dafa. One of her family members said, "In this society, we should be clever. Since the government does not allow us to practice, we do not practice. If you want to keep practicing, just do it secretly, do not talk about it to others." In response, I briefly analyzed the loopholes in the "Tiananmen Square Immolation Event," and told them it's a lie used by Jiang's regime to defame and persecute Dafa. However, I did not explain to them more about Dafa. Back then, my classmate's mother was sick and was planning to see a doctor. Now I realized that it was not accidental. I seldom go to my classmate's home. I happened to go to her home at that time. That was to let me save people, but I did not do it.
Later I visited my classmate's mother in the hospital. She was very thin and the hospital did not know what was wrong with her. During our talk, she said, "Now, even Falun Gong could not save me." I said nothing. I should have clarified truth to her. Later I realized that it was either Teacher reminding me to clarify the truth about Dafa to her, or it was the knowing side of her mind worrying about her fate. I missed the opportunity again.
Several days later, I ran into my classmate's father on the street. He told me his wife was going to have surgery, and that the hospital could only estimate a 30% chance of success. He went on to say, "It may or may not work, but for sure her life is in danger." I was really worried after hearing that because I had already missed two opportunities.
I decided to go to the hospital again to tell her mother all that I should. I left after searching for her room for one hour and not finding it. "It's easy to find her room," my classmate told me later, "It's right at the end of the corridor." I realized the old forces were taking advantage of my heart's lack of purity. I lost my chance because I had taken this opportunity to clarify the truth as a job and not looked at the issue with righteous thoughts.
Several days later, my classmate told me that her mother died. I was shocked by the news and burst into tears, not simply because of the news, but because of the whole process. My sorrow is beyond description.
After this issue, I looked inward and realized that I did not take Fa-rectification seriously. I have been clarifying the truth, but I felt I could not talk well or speak out well. So I mostly distributed Dafa truth materials, instead of speaking directly to people. I was surprised to find that I harbored a mentality of doubting Dafa. I have practiced Dafa for so many years now, and know Dafa is what I was born for, and have been searching for. I never thought that my belief in Dafa was lacking. By analyzing the reasons behind the issue, I found my lack of firm belief.
The doubt in my mind was, "Will Dafa really be able to save her?" I still have this mentality after practicing for so long. Thinking more deeply, I found that this was the reason why I failed to speak out. I believe deeply in my mind that Dafa is good, that the government propaganda is to spread lies, and that we were framed. There is a layer of thoughts, which do not belong to me, that trying to control me. These thoughts make me have no confidence when clarifying truth to people. I should eliminate it completely. The loss has already been incurred. Though Teacher reminded me repeatedly, I did not realize it, and abandoned a life that had a predestined relationship with me.
Teacher has said,
"Dafa disciples are now sentient beings' only, sole hope for salvation." ("Righteous Thoughts")
I here write down my failures to remind fellow practitioners to fulfill our duties because sentient beings are placing their infinite hopes in us!