Eliminate the Attachment to Erotic Sexual Desire from a Righteous Standpoint
(Clearwisdom.net) For a long time, I was puzzled by sentimentality and could not escape from it. Because of my attachment to sentimentality, I had the attachment to sexual desire, which tortured me and made me feel disappointed in myself as well as unworthy of Teacher's salvation. Once such desire came up, I could only blame myself and did dare not to think about Teacher or think of myself as a Dafa practitioner.
One day in my dream, I was going through a test of sexual desire. Even though I did nothing bad in the dream, I felt I did not do well when I woke up because I did not remember I was a Dafa practitioner in the dream. From the beginning of my cultivation, the human feeling of shame had confined me. But on that day, I suddenly thought of a question: why did I not think of myself as a Dafa practitioner while going through this test?
A few days later, when the desire came up again to interfere with me, I tried to tell myself, "I am a Falun Dafa practitioner." When I was trying to say those words silently to myself, I felt it so difficult to complete the whole sentence even though it was only a few words long. I felt like I had to break through a very thick layer which was trying to stop me from doing so and make me give up such thoughts. But I still insisted and finished the sentence and started to repeat it the second time and third time. In the beginning, it was very difficult to finish the sentence and the voice in my mind was very weak too. But after the 4th and 5th time, I clearly felt that the sentence was coming from the deepest part of my life and it generated great power. Although I could not see it, I felt the sentence illuminate all my dimensions and meanwhile a dark and evil matter quickly was dispersed and dissolved under the illumination.
One week later, I again recited the paragraph in the section called "Demonic Interference in Cultivation" in Zhuan Falun:
As long as you regard yourself as a practitioner, you will remember it right away and be able to restrain yourself, and you will then be able to pass this test... This practitioner's xinxing had improved very quickly. At that point, he became alarmed right away. The first thought that came to his mind was: "I'm not an ordinary person. I'm a practitioner. You shouldn't treat me this way, for I'm a Falun Dafa practitioner." Once this thought emerged, everything suddenly disappeared since they were all transformed anyway. Then Buddha Amitabha and Lao Zi showed up again.
Actually Teacher already told me in the Fa how to deal with this kind of situation. It was just that I was too deluded and put too much emphasis on the superficial meaning of the two words "dream" and "meditation" when Teacher said,
"If your ability of ding is not adequate, it will appear in your dreams during sleep. While you are sleeping or sitting in meditation, it will suddenly show up."
I forgot that everything in human society is also just like a dream.
When I was reciting the section, "Your Mind Must Be Right," Teacher again hinted to me:
What's not a right mind? It refers to a person's inability to always treat himself as a practitioner...What I just addressed are some problems resulting from practitioners' inability to conduct themselves properly; that is, those problems are caused by an incorrect mind. It is beneficial that we point them out and let everyone know what to do and how to distinguish them so that problems will not occur in the future. Though I did not overemphasize what I just said, everyone should be sure to pay attention to it because problems usually arise over this issue, and they normally surface here. Cultivation practice is extremely arduous and very serious. If you are being careless for a moment, you may stumble and become ruined at once. Therefore, one's mind must be right.
After that, every time when I encounter such a test, I always immediately think, "I am a cultivator. You can't treat me like this. I am a Falun Gong practitioner." Every time I say this, I feel strong energy pervading from inside out, and the dark elements disappear right away and are unable to affect me at all.
January 8, 2004