Giving up the Attachment to Fa-Rectification Ending
I obtained the Fa in June 1996. Since then I have experienced dramatic and indescribable changes in my mind and body, and have grown deeply aware of the immensity and profundity of the Buddha Fa and Master Li's compassionate salvation. However I made some mistakes in cultivation when I did not look at things from the Fa's perspective. For a long time I was attached to the question of when Fa-Rectification would end. It affected my righteous belief towards Master Li and the Fa, and almost caused me to betray Dafa. I learned a serious lesson from this and I would like to share my experience with fellow practitioners.
The evil persecution started on July 22, 1999. Television, radio, and newspapers slandered Dafa and Master Li with propaganda, but they could not move my righteous belief in Dafa and Master Li. I stumbled however, on the issue of "when Fa-Rectification would end." On December 16, 2000, I went to Beijing with three other practitioners to validate the Fa. After being taken away by local police I was sentenced to a labor camp for one year. I was severely tortured both physically and mentally in the labor camp, and under this great pressure, I wrote the so-called "guarantee letter"* against my will. I was released on completion of my term, but I still felt the enormous pressure because I felt that I did something bad to Dafa and Master Li, and I was afraid Master would no longer want to save me. I started to give up in cultivation and seldom studied the Fa or practiced the exercises. I did not want to see other practitioners either. I returned to work, but the work unit would not leave me alone. They often started trouble and sent someone to monitor every move I made and every word I said. Before going on a trip, I had to ask the "610 Office"** for "time off." Periodically practitioners around me were persecuted, arrested, detained, and sent to labor camps. In this kind of environment, I was under great pressure and I developed the thought of hoping Fa-rectification would quickly come to an end. I developed an attachment to wanting Fa-rectification to end. I was dying to get out of that environment and set myself free.
My attachment became stronger and stronger as the environment became worse and worse. Later on I started to blame Master Li for not ending the Fa-rectification sooner. Finally I started to doubt Master Li and Dafa and started to second guess Master Li. My thoughts started to deviate from the Fa. The evil tried to take advantage of the loophole immediately; they intensified that notion and once in a while they would create some false events to make me believe that my thoughts were correct. I felt very bad and painful for a long period of time and I could not free myself.
Later I shared cultivation experiences with other practitioners and they helped me examine the root of this attachment. Also I repeatedly read Dafa books and Master Li's new articles. I then understood. To have an attachment to when the Fa-rectification would end is a form of selfishness. Because of the severe hardships I suffered I could only think about being free of suffering and did not think about all the people who were not saved yet. Lord Buddha had gone through indescribable hardship and difficulty in order to save all sentient beings. Our compassionate and mighty Teacher has given us everything. I had cultivated so many years but I barely had any compassion.
I believe that there are two reasons why the Fa-rectification has not ended. One is because Master is waiting for those practitioners who have not cultivated well and have not done well. Master Li does not want to leave even one of His disciples behind, and He is giving us opportunities again and again to do better and catch up. Secondly, Master is still waiting for pre-destined people to be saved. We need to cultivate even better and not let Master Li worry. At the same time we need to seize the opportunity to clarify the truth and save sentient beings according to our prehistoric oaths.
* Guarantee Letter - A statement to declare that one is remorseful for practicing Falun Gong and guarantees not to practice Falun Gong again, not to go to Beijing to appeal for Falun Gong, and never again associate with any Falun Dafa practitioners.
** "610 Office" is an agency specifically created to persecute Falun Gong, with absolute power over each level of administration in the Party and all other political and judiciary systems.