(Clearwisdom.net) A year has passed since I was forced to leave home. Looking back at the past year's experiences, I found that by being with fellow practitioners in an environment that encouraged us to compare what we have studied and cultivated, I became more mature in understanding Fa principles and my xinxing [character; mind or heart nature] elevated essentially (compared to my past); however, this was nowhere near the requirement of Fa-rectification, and I also needed to be diligent and upgrade myself in some xinxing matters. I'd like to share with fellow practitioners the Fa principles I enlightened to during the past year, as well as some experiences and lessons. Please kindly point out anything improper.
Shortly after I was forced to leave home, a fellow practitioner took me to a Dafa truth-clarifying materials production site where I got to meet many diligent practitioners. After some contact, I found that their cultivation state was different from the practitioners I knew when I was at home. Their standpoint when considering things was always from the Fa's perspective and from the consideration of others. This shook me up a lot, and made me realize the egotism and selfishness that had been such a large part of my cultivation. In addition, I found that their righteous thoughts and acts in doing Dafa work often stimulated my righteous thoughts, and made me deeply understand what the power of righteous thoughts was, encouraging me to have stronger and stronger righteous thoughts. When I cultivated at home, I had not been very diligent. I knew Master's requirement of "righteous thoughts" but I had not understood it from the Fa's perspective and deeply from my heart, and not to mention carrying it out in solid cultivation. In general, at the beginning of my homeless period, I felt that I upgraded with giant steps.
With the upgrade of my xinxing and realm of mind, I gradually became involved in more Dafa work and accomplished it with high degree of proficiency. Sometimes I wanted to do various types of tasks, and my attachment to doing things gradually emerged. Hearing many praises and commendations, I developed attachments of complacency, showing off, fame and thinking myself infallible. I became self-satisfied. I did not search inward as much and could not keep a calm mind when studying the Fa. It's just like what Master said:
"It was more difficult for a young person to conduct himself or herself well. Maybe you would have found this person usually very good, caring little for fame and self-interest, when he did not have many abilities in ordinary human society. Once he became well-known, fame and profit would easily interfere." (Zhuan Falun, Lecture 2).
In fact, at that time my cultivation state had already gone wrong; my standpoint was more toward showing how good I was rather than validating Dafa.
I once went to deliver truth-clarifying materials to a fellow practitioner's place, and encountered police who had come to arrest practitioners. With Master's fashen [Law Bodies] protecting me, I escaped in time and was not in danger. I enlightened that it was not accidental that this happened to me, and that there must be something wrong in me. If my dimensional field was very pure and righteous, the evil would not dare to get close to me. After enlightening to this, I strengthened my effort in sending forth righteous thoughts; however, I didn't continue to search inward for the fundamental xinxing problem and this issue remained unsettled.
During the year that I was forced to be homeless, the police had never searched for me in my relatives' homes. Nevertheless, shortly after my encountering the police, they did search for me there. They also used my photo to ask everyday people nearby of my whereabouts. One trouble after another came to me and put me in a terrible bind. I realized this to be a serious warning, and I started to think about what was wrong inside myself. After calming down, I enlightened to the fact that all the troubles at my side were the old forces' arrangements. First I needed to completely reject it and should never acknowledge it. In addition, I knew that I must deeply search inward; otherwise, rejecting the old forces' arrangements would be only empty talk.
Master said,
"Of course, each one of our Dafa disciples says that we don't recognize the old forces' arrangements, but that's not something you just say -- you have to follow the requirements of Dafa and the Fa-rectification." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.")
I was quite shocked when I looked inward. I not only saw clearly my previous attachments, but also discovered that I had a very serious problem: During the time when I became more involved in Dafa work, I only paid attention to the work I was doing and failed to truly cultivate solidly. Consequently, although I did quite a lot of work, my xinxing did not improve. The false alarm I experienced was in fact a hint from Master to remind me that my state of mind was not quite right. Each time something happened I did not truly look at my xinxing to find out the root cause.
When I at last looked inward in depth, I found that my heart in doing Dafa work was no longer as pure as it used to be at the beginning; it was based on showing-off rather than on saving sentient beings with true compassion and validating the Fa. Sometimes I thought, "I was the one who did it, and it was me who was doing Dafa work." What a strong heart of selfishness! Sometimes I had a very strong attachment to my ego while taking an indifferent attitude toward saving sentient beings, and remained in such a state of mind for a long time. How far behind I was from what Master taught us: "Validate the Fa with rationality, clarify the truth with wisdom, spread the Fa and save people with mercy" ("Rationality") and to completely think for others! With state of mind such as I had, it was no different from an everyday person doing Dafa work, and this was the very loophole the old forces took advantage of in its persecution -- Well, aren't you attached to showing-off? Aren't you after fame? Therefore, they used this as an excuse to expose the Dafa work I was doing to the police so that they could come to abduct me.
I remember some fellow practitioners said that practitioners with a strong attachment to fame were easily detected by the evil, because they always wanted to show off, and whatever they did, the evil would know immediately. I also gained a better understanding of the close relationship between personal cultivation and doing Dafa work. Master has all along emphasized the importance of our personal cultivation. I understood that no matter what I do, it should be based on the standpoint of saving sentient beings instead of falling into the trap of personal ego. I should quietly do well all that I should do. When I realized this, I made up my mind that I would be strict with myself in xinxing cultivation so that I would become purer and purer in the cultivation process. I came to understand that any strong human attachment could be taken advantage of by the evil in its persecution, and therefore we must cultivate ourselves to the state of no omission. However, human mentality is very complex, and sometimes this deeply hidden notion would occur: I must cultivate to the state of no omission so that I would not be persecuted by the evil, as if I was letting go of attachments in order to avoid persecution. Then the basis for cultivation was again not pure, as it was for the avoidance of persecution. My understanding is that we must have pure motives for our cultivation and should not have any attachment of pursuit. When I realized this, I rectified my state of mind.
As for the mentality of doing things, I did not have a righteous understanding about it, and did not understand what the mentality of doing things was like. I only understood it on a superficial level, thinking that those who did a lot of Dafa work were likely to develop such a mentality, and those who did not do much were unlikely to have such an attachment. Now I understand: Whether one has this attachment or not is not determined by the amount of Dafa work one does, but by the starting point of why one does it. Some practitioners have done a great deal of Dafa work and have at heart the goal of saving sentient beings; their work is based on compassion. On the other hand, some others feel pleased with themselves for any bit of work they did, as if they had accumulated some merits in the Fa. This is doing things with everyday people's mentality, and it is the mentality of doing things. On the surface, we all do Dafa work, but the gaps between our xinxing and realms are a thousand miles apart.
The above is my personal understanding. Please kindly point out anything improper.
