Teacher, I'm Back!
Teacher, I am back again! Fellow practitioners, I am back again! At this moment, tears cover my face.
During my cultivation there was a period of five months that was filled with worry and quite scary. During that period of time, I could feel myself getting further and further away from Dafa. Tribulations were coming one after another and serious illnesses once again entangled my body. I was given many hints from Master's immense compassion that shocked me. However, little by little I was moving further away from Dafa and slipping into an evil abyss.
In a dream I saw the day when the Fa rectifies the human realm. Those practitioners who had reached Consummation slowly ascended to the heavens, and the sky was filled with beautiful rotating Faluns. There is no way to describe, in human words, the unique and magnificent sight. It was then that I looked at myself, and found I was slowly sinking down to hell. Even though I saw all of this in my dream it still wasn't enough to "wake me up." I felt that I was not qualified to be called a "Dafa disciple." At that time, I was still in a brainwashing class organized by the "610 Office" (an agency specifically created to persecute Falun Gong, with absolute power over each level of administration in the Party and all other political and judiciary systems). I thought that it was all a test. All my thoughts and actions at that time were both laughable and pitiful.
My fellow practitioners were constantly advising me to wake up, but I did not listen, and still thought that this was a test Teacher arranged for me. Later, I silently asked Teacher from my heart: "Teacher, do not look after me anymore, let my body and spirit be completely destroyed." A few days later, all of my old illnesses returned. Everywhere from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head began to hurt and I was losing my breath. My whole body was turning purple like a rotten eggplant. It was then that I started to really look inside myself. "Am I really wrong? If I am wrong from now on I will do what is right!"
After making that commitment to myself, that night I had another dream. Through the clouds and the mist I could see a road. The road was very clean and narrow, its color was pure white and it extended far up and away. Underneath the road was nothing but a bottomless pit. Then, a beautiful, warm and enormous hand slowly picked me up. I could see myself in the palm of this hand and I felt tremendously comfortable. I was excited beyond description. This large beautiful hand then placed me gently, high onto the narrow road. I stood up and started to walk forward. I then woke up and started to cry as I realized that I was wrong before. This was the first time that I had cried since attaining the Fa. Teachers' compassion and mercy brought me to tears. During the time that I was "lost" I experienced a feeling of complete sadness that penetrated my bones and cut deep into my heart.
I eventually walked out of the dark and gloomy atmosphere that I found myself in. You could say that I climbed out of hell. I bid farewell to darkness, and encompassed myself in Buddha's vast and mighty graciousness that brings me happiness. From that day on I had a much deeper understanding of "Teacher." I have also been able to see the truth about "Compassion." Great merciful Teacher, you never abandoned me even when I failed to live as a Dafa practitioner should. This lesson I will remember. I will practice diligently and I will work very hard to make amends. Looking back at those five months, I can see that the loss was disastrous. I did not study the Fa, practice the exercises, send forth righteous thoughts or clarify the truth. I missed many opportunities to help position sentient beings. However, I am now in a great position at my work to contact and reach many different kinds of people, and people of different ages and backgrounds. I am truly thankful for Teacher's merciful arrangements and salvation, to let me work hard and to redeem my opportunity in Dafa.
Note: My solemn declaration has already been posted on Minghui.net