Finding the Root of My Inferiority Complex
(Clearwisdom.net) Since July 20, 1999, when the persecution of Falun Gong started in China, I have been beaten, fined, detained, and brainwashed. Due to not studying the Fa enough, I was so limited in my thinking. I did not have a clear understanding of the principles of the Fa, and when I was tortured and persecuted, I could not handle it with righteous thoughts. I did not measure the torture and persecution with the standard of the Fa. In the end, I did many things that a Dafa disciple should not have done. Because I had so many strong and intense attachments, I had been following the path arranged by the old evil forces and could not recognize the fact that I was doing so. It was only after I took part in an experience sharing with other practitioners and when I searched within myself, that I finally enlightened to the principles of the Fa: No matter what tribulations I may experience, I must study the Fa well, search within myself and completely deny the arrangements made by the old evil forces.
Because I had stumbled many times during the progress of Fa-rectification, I had developed an intense inferiority complex. This mentality of inferiority was like a huge stone weighing on my heart. Through sharing experiences with fellow practitioners, I understood that the old evil forces are using this approach to drive practitioners who have not done well during the progress of Fa-Rectification to develop this intense attachment. It is also very difficult for practitioners to let go of this attachment once it is developed; hence these practitioners are trapped and suffer in the attachment of inferiority for quite a long time. Today, I was finally able to trace the root of this attachment that caused my inferiority complex. This attachment was not created because I had not done a good job during the progress of Fa-rectification, rather it was because of my selfishness. If I had not recognized this deeply rooted attachment of selfishness, it would have been very difficult for me to let go of the inferiority complex. When I finally recognized my selfishness and understood this principle of the Fa, I felt that my heart was all of a sudden relaxed; I felt the mighty power of the Fa, as well as how broad and immense the Fa is; the arrangements of the old evil forces no longer affected me.
Through studying the Fa, I develop deeper understandings of how compassionate Teacher is to practitioners who have not cultivated themselves well during the progress of Fa-rectification.