Do a Better Job in What We Are Supposed to Do
For a few weeks before going to Russia I was reading the Fa every morning for two hours. After the Minghui Net suggested to send forth righteous thoughts every six hours daily, I would read from 6:15 to 8:15 every morning. Right after sending righteous thoughts I would go to the washroom to put very cold water on my eyes, face and the back of my neck repeatedly to make my self clear and alert. Then I would go back and study Fa. Yet no matter how I prepared myself, those two hours were always a battle between the old forces and I.
When there were no thoughts I would read calmly, yet I would get quite comfortable and I could feel myself easily falling asleep. It was as though there was a cloud around my head. When I was not feeling this type of interference many old ways of thinking and imagination would continue to plague my mind and it was hard to pay attention to what I was reading. If I could not calmly eliminate evil while reading, than the interference would overpower me and I would fall asleep or begin to daydream. Yet when I maintained a righteous mind and intended to eliminate evil while I read I could feel the interference getting weaker and weaker as if the cloud surrounding my head became lighter and lighter until it disappeared. Sometimes it was difficult to endure and I would look at my clock with a sneaky heart asking, "is the two hours finished yet?" When I was in a good state of mind I would look at the clock and smile from my heart so happy to see that I still had another hour to continue reading. Yet every time I made it through the two hours I felt different from the day before. If I miss even one day or only read for an hour there is a noticeable difference in my cultivation state.
When I heard that the head of the evil would visit Russia and a few other countries, I did not make the decision to go--I just knew that I would be there. I had no idea how I would get the money, but at that time, that was not a concern. I was just clear and certain that I would, without a doubt, go to Russia and eliminate the evil in other dimensions that controls the head of the evil once and for all.
I went to tell my mother, who is also a practitioner, about this serious and precious opportunity and without another thought my mother said "Well, we better start to find out how much the plane tickets will be." She had never reacted this way. Days later I was making travel arrangements over the phone with a friend and he quoted me the price. I thought, mother never directly said she would pay for me, I better call her to ask and make sure. When I spoke with her on the phone, I said, "Mom, it seemed that you were going to pay for my trip to Russia." And she answered, "Of course. How else would you get there." In the past I would always get into trouble for assuming I could have some money and this time, it seemed, I was supposed to assume. Actually this was just a manifestation of the clarity of my mind and my unwavering decision to go. In other dimensions things had already been arranged. They were just gradually reflecting into this dimension. Once my mind was clear everything was arranged. Yet from another perspective I think it was also a manifestation of my mother's cultivation in recognizing the importance of this trip.
In any case I had no problem and for the most part everything went very smoothly.
As the Russia trip began to get closer, many practitioners were sharing many different kinds of understandings about this current changing Fa-Rectification. Each day practitioners seem to understand the situation better and better. I began to feel the state of the Fa- Rectification changing minute by minute, and second by second. Through my continued diligent Fa study every morning and very sincere sharing with fellow practitioners I began to have a deeper understanding of keeping up with the Fa-Rectification and what it means to follow Master closely.
Although my original intention to go to Russia was quite simple, the situation did not remain that simple. Through discussion with fellow practitioners and reading clearwisdom.net, I began to view this situation from many different perspectives. This was good and it did help me to gain a deeper understanding, but it was also harder to be clear about everything. I felt that when my mind stayed the same I would be lost. If I continued to view the circumstances and surrounding issues the same then I would have more difficulty to understand it from the Fa. If I didn't continue to look inside and change my way of thinking then I would be viewing it only from my perspective instead of the Fa.
In the first paragraph in Lunyu [introduction, statement of comments, in Zhuan Falun] Master says:
""The Buddha Fa" is most profound; among all the theories in the world, it is the most intricate and extraordinary science. In order to explore this domain, humankind must fundamentally change its conventional thinking. Otherwise, the truth of the universe will forever remain a mystery to humankind, and everyday people will forever crawl within the boundary delimited by their own ignorance."
I then remembered that the Fa-Rectification is moving forward, breaking through layer after layer of cosmic system after system. Everything is changing and continuously becoming purer. This also means that I must also continue to become purer. I must continue to purify myself and continue to fundamentally change myself from the deepest core. This of course is not done through some human pursuit. In my experience it has come through serious Fa study, and my ability to endure tribulations, sacrifice myself in the face of my attachments, and remain calm during whatever suffering that comes my way. When I can continue to do this well, everything is always changing and my understanding continues to improve.
Master has made it quite clear. We must clarify the truth. This involves doing things in the human world. So we must do this. But does this amount to keeping up with Fa rectification? Does this amount to following teacher closely? Master has made it clear that the major thing that differentiates us from ordinary people is that we look inside ourselves when facing serious issues. And if we don't genuinely cultivate ourselves in the midst of what we are doing then we are just doing human things and then how can that be Fa-rectification. If the old forces' persecution of Dafa is the fundamental thing that we must not accept and we must break their arrangements, how do we do that? Did Master not already tell us that the old forces use our attachments as the main excuse to persecute Dafa? Isn't our making steady advancements in our cultivation the best way to oppose the old forces?
I had come to this new understanding of Dafa and felt as though my cultivation was progressing quite steadily. On the day our flight was leaving I was very busy and did not have a chance to study Fa properly. I kept on delaying it until later and later in the day. Even with a three-hour delay for our plane I only studied Fa for about 10 solid minutes. I was too busy sharing my new and what I thought to be profound understanding of the Fa with my fellow practitioners. Or I would be flirting with female airport staff. When they began to laugh at my jokes and compliment me, I politely left and told myself that I was not attached to such human things while I was, in fact, secretly happy in my heart.
Well then it came time to get on the flight and all the other practitioners boarded the flight and then a flight attendant told me that I could not get on the flight because of some reason. I took the ticket from him and told him he was mistaken. In my mind I quickly said to myself that nothing else mattered and that without a doubt I would be getting on this plane. Not one second later another flight attendant came over and recognized me from when I checked my bags in and told him that I was OK to get on the plane and then she took my boarding pass and waved me along.
Once I got on the plane I laughed and thanked Master and knew that what we were going to do was very important. Yet my cultivation state was still not very good and I did not look inside myself, until a fellow practitioner told me that it seemed there was something wrong with my mentality and that I was not treating this journey with the seriousness and solemnity that is required by a Dafa disciple. I thanked this practitioner and began to look into my heart and I saw my deviated behavior from the entire day.
There I was sharing my understanding with my fellow practitioners about how important it is to continue to change and purify oneself constantly to keep up with the ever changing Fa-Rectifiation and to never hold onto one kind of understanding of the Fa. However, when someone would interrupt me, my heart would become irritated and I would feel that this practitioner was interference. My understanding was to incessantly cultivate myself yet I wasn't doing it. I was showing off and being conceited. I was only acting like a practitioner and not really cultivating and it almost made me miss the plane and miss my role in the historic precious period of time.
As I sat in the plane seeing my many shortcomings I began to deeper understand what it means to follow Teacher closely and take Dafa as the Master. Over the course of that day before the flight I felt in my heart that I believed in Master, that I believed in Dafa, I also had a relatively thorough understanding of Dafa and Fa-Rectification. But was it enough to just believe, or was it enough to just understand and then do things on the surface? It seemed the answer to me was no. It all had to be put into continual active practice, otherwise what was I doing? Was I really trying to reach perfection or not? I could feel the perfection of Dafa and its very serious and high requirement on us. Although I have felt discouraged by this I also remembered that Master said that what we suffer and what we obtain is truly disproportionate. With such a mighty Dafa how could our requirement not be the highest? Although my mind can be intimidated by this sometimes, my heart is deeply invigorated to strive forward with every next step in my cultivation during the Fa-Rectification.
When our small group of practitioners arrived in Russia we met with many types of interference. But in all the cases we kept our minds righteous and Master took care of everything, down to many different details. When I look back I am very touched by Master's benevolence.
It was arranged that the group I was traveling with would end up being in very close proximity to the head of the evil. We not only recognized the precious opportunity but also the divine responsibility. A few other practitioners from some other areas joined us and we were very happy to see each other and spent some time laughing and joking. Later we realized this was interference and stopped all talking except when it was necessary. We focused ourselves on Fa-Study between the hours and Sending Forth Righteous Thoughts on every hour. Sometimes some of us would send for longer periods of time; sometimes others would Send Forth Righteous Thoughts more frequently than every hour. Yet we were silent for each other and all calmly studied Fa. There were numerous beautiful experiences and I would like to share one or two very encouraging stories with everyone.
When closing my eyes to send forth righteous thoughts, I could see my fellow practitioners at the Chinese consulate in Toronto, and other practitioners in other locations all sending forth righteous thoughts together. This touched me very deeply and I felt as though I was just one very small part of our great body of Dafa practitioners. I could feel a strong and fast energy current rush through my body and my righteous thoughts became much stronger. I was deeply touched by the power of Dafa and our one body of practitioners. It really felt that it was not just the act of a few practitioners but the act of all of us as one. I think no matter where we are we should never neglect the importance of sending forth righteous thoughts.
When sending forth righteous thoughts, I often met with some kind of resistance in other dimensions. After breaking through some resistance more resistance would come right after. On one occasion after breaking through some resistance I saw many beings raising their hands and celebrating, I was not sure what it was and did not pay any attention to it. Then after breaking through another layer of resistance I saw a larger group of beings celebrating very joyfully. This time it made me very peaceful and happy inside but, I thought nothing of it and continued to sent forth righteous thoughts. Then after another layer of resistance I saw many thousands of beings celebrating and cheering. Then I was deeply touched because I knew these beings were all being saved. Looking at all of them I thought to myself what could I not endure to save them? I really came to understand what Master says in lecture two of Zhuan Falun:
"In offering salvation to people, there is no condition or consideration for cost, reward, or fame. They are thus far more noble than the heroes of everyday people. They do it completely out of their benevolent compassion."
I continued to send forth righteous thoughts and then felt myself instantly grow in size. I could no longer see any beings as they became too microscopic. I was an immense magnificent being floating in the vast cosmic firmament taking part in Fa-Rectifiation. I think Master showed me this so that I can share it with my fellow Dafa disciples so that we may all be encouraged by the magnificence and beauty of Dafa and Master's Fa-Rectification.
Later we received word that the evil was almost completely eliminated and that we should put everything aside and just continue to sent forth righteous thoughts. At this point we all did this very calmly and very seriously. After a little while of sending forth righteous thoughts I felt a great deal of interference in my mind. I knew that the only reason the old forces could interfere with me was because I had left gaps in my cultivation for them to make use of. While eliminating the interference I looked inside my heart to see what the problem was. I was harboring many terrible self-gratifying notions.
I was thinking how great it was to be one of the practitioners in the closest proximity to the evil when it was going to be finally eliminated. I thought that I would be remembered for all of history. I thought the reason I was given this chance was because I was a great cultivator. When I saw this kind of corrupt thinking I was very discouraged.
After numerous years of cultivation and facing my fundamental attachment again and again layer after layer, it still wasn't gone. There it was undermining my cultivation and being used by the old forces to interfere in Fa-Rectification. I felt defeated. I felt like a failure. My spine weakened and I began to lower my hand away from my chest, as I no longer felt worthy to send forth righteous thoughts with my fellow disciples.
Very quickly however I straightened my spine and kept my hand erect and strengthened my will. I recognized that this was exactly what the old forces wanted. Furthermore this thinking that I was not good enough was coming from a pursuit to be good enough. It was all a manifestation of my fundamental attachment that I am great or that I should be great. I fully admitted to myself that I was harboring this attachment and I decided to calmly let go of it and strengthen my main consciousness and continue to send forth righteous thoughts. I felt a profound change take place inside and my particles began to tingle and change. My righteous thoughts got even stronger and I continued on.
It is my understanding that the transformation of my mind through cultivation at that point in time was very powerful for eliminating evil and even more powerful in some ways than my sending forth righteous thoughts.
After returning home I became complacent and comfortable. Although I read everyday my heart was not calm and my mind became distracted with human thoughts. Then my righteous thoughts began to weaken and I kept missing the hour [to send forth righteous thoughts].
I am currently trying to dig out the fundamental reason for my periodical relaxation in my cultivation. Even if it is Master taking away my cultivated part, leaving me with my human side when I wake up one morning, that is no excuse for me to entertain human notions, imagination and desires as I do sometimes, giving the old forces gaps and tools to persecute Dafa through my lack of diligent cultivation.
To honor my fellow practitioners, Dafa, our Master and his mighty Fa rectification, I will calmly and seriously strengthen my determination to do what I must do even better!