My Path from Being Against Falun Dafa to Practicing Falun Dafa
Greetings, Teacher, my fellow practitioners and all:
I attained Dafa only a few months ago. Now I have deeper understandings of Dafa through my cultivation these past few months. I'm so glad that I had this second precious opportunity to learn Falun Dafa and that I then decided to be a Dafa practitioner during this Fa-rectification period. My change from wrong thoughts towards Dafa to my venture into real cultivation surprised a lot of people around me. I hope those people who don't know Dafa yet won't let their opportunity be stolen from them or be deceived by the misleading propaganda, and I hope that they are able to see Falun Gong objectively.
I first heard of Falun Dafa in 1999 in China. At that time my husband was in the United States. He told me to learn Falun Gong because I was in poor physical condition. I felt Falun rotating in my abdomen when reading Zhuan Falun, but I didn't believe what was mentioned in the book due to the atheism which was included in my education for so many years in China.
After July 20th, 1999, I was poisoned by the Chinese government's misleading propaganda against Falun Gong. I phoned my husband and persuaded him not to cultivate anymore. Before coming to the US I collected newspaper clippings of anti-Falun Gong material. I wanted to stop my husband's cultivation by doing so. And I did stop his cultivation for a while after I came here. I didn't listen to him no matter how he explained his benefits from practicing Falun Gong. In one or two weeks, my husband continued practicing outside without my knowledge by finding all kinds of excuses such as extra hours at work.
One day when I was doing housework, I found some of my husband's cultivation stories. I learned that he suffered a lot of hardship while he was alone in the US, and that he gained great support from practicing Falun Dafa. I realized that he sacrificed a lot for our family and therefore I agreed with his continuing the practice. However, I didn't allow him to attend activities except for doing the exercises. My husband seemed to have no objection, but in fact he continued morning exercises daily and he often participated in activities to promote the Fa. I went on the offensive and interrogated him--"Why are you doing this? Don't you still love your motherland?" I warned him not to be used by others. Because we held totally different views towards Dafa--plus due to our separation by locations for three to four years--we started arguing less than two months after I came to be with him here. We had never showed an angry face to each other before in years of marriage. However, we began continuous arguments, and some were very harsh. I became a different person who could curse my husband in rough language and I refused to meet his fellow practitioners. I also didn't allow him to see his fellow practitioners. I believed that he was totally changed and that this change was all because of practicing Dafa, so I started to attack Dafa , saying bad words about Teacher when fighting with my husband. But he insisted on practicing. My mind and body suffered during these lengthy arguments. I lost hearing in one ear for some time. I asked for divorce a couple of times, but I had to maintain this marriage, as I did not want my five-year-old child to suffer.
One day last year, as I was delivering ordered food to a Falun Dafa experience-sharing conference, I saw the Dafa practitioners with peaceful smiles lining up in order in the rain. I saw the hundreds of empty lunch boxes put in order by the trash cans. I started to question myself over how these kind people could possibly have political pursuits and how they could be against their own country. Since then, I said nothing to my husband about his Fa-promoting activities. Last May I accidentally became pregnant. I had an abortion without my husband's knowledge, ignoring his strong opposition to this. Because I didn't allow for sufficient rest and I caught a cold, in two weeks I felt a severe headache as if I were wearing a steel hat, and I also suffered from lots of pain in my lower abdomen. I could neither stand nor sit. I recalled how the old Chinese said that diseases developed during this period of time (after abortion or delivery of a baby) are the hardest to cure, and I became more and more anxious. My husband encouraged me to read Zhuan Falun. I was moved by his words but I didn't show it. After he went to work I started reading the book, but I only searched for the chapters that interested me. Surprisingly, I felt my headache gone after I read a few pages. My husband found out that I was reading the book and told me: "I'd like to give you this book and hope you'll be able to read it continuously from front cover to back cover. Be advised that it's not good to look just for some pages that you like." Thus, I started reading Zhuan Falun.
One day after I finished reading Chapter five of Zhuan Falun, I wanted to try my celestial eye and I looked at the Falun in the book. In a few seconds, I saw a spinning Falun rotating clock-wise. It was spinning very fast and was kind of drawing away the tiniest particles in my body. Then the Falun became larger and slowed down its speedy rotation. I felt a little scared and uncomfortable and closed the book. I sat down on a chair with my eyes closed. In a short while I felt warm at the top of my head. I was wondering if it was Guanding (pouring energy into the top of one's head) that Teacher talks about in the book. I also felt warm on my back. The miracle came: I saw Teacher's law body in a double-lotus position with hands in Jieyin (two hands conjoined in front of the lower abdomen) and he was sitting in front of me. My body was pushed by such a power and I kept belching. I felt more pain in my abdomen. I saw Teacher point to the floor and he asked me to sit on the floor. I thought I should endure and so I did not sit down immediately. But that didn't last long, and after a while I sat on the floor without crossing my legs. I saw Teacher smiling and talking to somebody else. I wanted to ask Teacher to treat my very painful abdomen, but I recalled the teaching about no pursuit in the book. I told Teacher that I would not ask him to treat my illness. After an hour or so, I couldn't sit any more because of the great pain, so I told Teacher that I wanted to give up. When I had this thought on my mind I saw Teacher's smile disappear. He stood up and was about to leave. I was so full of regret. Teacher turned his head and saw me still sitting on the floor; he indicated for me to stand up. I opened my eyes, thinking about what had just happened and I asked myself if it was an illusion. I thought about it for the entire afternoon and I confirmed to myself that this was definitely not an illusion.
The scene of Teacher turning his body and leaving remained in my mind forever. In the evening I told my husband all about this and we both believed the miracle. On the following day all my pain was gone and I felt quite comfortable. I told myself that Falun Dafa was really powerful. In the days that followed, I finished reading the entirety of Teacher's lectures and the Dafa books. I realized after reading that I should have felt ashamed of myself, looking back on what I had done to Dafa. Reading these Dafa books made me realize the truth of the universe. I then decided to start my cultivation. I started practicing and sharing experiences with other practitioners.
Meeting with practitioners helped correct some of my bad thoughts about Falun Gong. I noticed the lady assistant of our practice site always carried a recorder for the music and the sitting pads for us. She was always willing to pay for the printed truth-clarifying materials with her limited income, and she was always very patient in showing the exercises to newcomers. All my doubts were gone after seeing this.
One of my classmates asked me a question after she finished reading Zhuan Falun, which I had loaned to her: "This book teaches us how to be a good person, so why did the Chinese government launch this inhuman persecution on Falun Gong practitioners?" At that time I couldn't answer. I examined myself and concluded that after I began cultivation, I always tried to assimilate with the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance. If everyone could do this, wouldn't it bring lots of benefits to society? Why does the Jiang regime persecute these innocent and very kind practitioners? I realized that the persecution is indeed evil.
Many people around me were surprised to see that I obtained the Fa, and a lot of practitioners enjoyed listening to the story about how I gained the Fa. They suggested I write it down, so that more people could learn of Dafa. I was on guard and asked: "What is your purpose? I don't want to be used for propaganda." My words astonished them. At that time, although I had started my cultivation practice, I did not get involved in activities which helped to spread the Fa. Last year at the Washington DC experience-sharing conference, I told my husband beforehand that I just was just joining the conference, not any other activities. On the day of parade, I didn't have a choice but to participate when I saw my husband's expecting eyes, but I wore sandals on purpose, wishing I would be asked to leave. For the entire walk I did not dare to raise my head, and I moved from the front of the parade to the very back, hoping to avoid being videotaped. At that time, I couldn't convince myself that these activities had nothing to do with politics. I was always questioning my husband: "Falun Gong teaches forbearance--then why is it you are protesting instead of practicing it? My husband asked me: "What would you do if I was wrongfully accused of murder? Forbearance is not a compromise to evil."
I got to know one practitioner who went to the local Chinese consulate every day, rain or shine, distributing flyers telling the truth of the persecution. I also knew a senior who rode a bus alone to the Grand Canyon spreading Dafa. She always carried with her a bag full of truth-clarifying information. Seeing that these practitioners voluntarily participated in Dafa activities, I kept up the internal dialogue with myself: "Do you believe Falun Dafa is good?" "Yes." "Then why are you afraid of telling the truth to people who have been poisoned?" "I was afraid that I would be said to be against my own country." "I love my motherland, just like I love my mom or my own life." "What will you do if your mom does something wrong?" "I'll tell my mom, for sure. I won't let her make that second mistake." I came to realize the reasons why these practitioners voluntarily spend their own money to have the truth-clarifying information printed, and to make exhibition boards and banners. I learned of their compassion under such severe pressure of persecution.
The barriers in my mind were broken and I focused on my path of cultivation. I thought about displaying Dafa books and truth-clarifying materials in libraries and having Dafa introductory workshops there. Another practitioner and I then started our contacts with the libraries in nine nearby cities. We held eight workshops within three months. At the workshops, we introduced what Falun Dafa is and we recounted its successful spreading to the world; we told the truth of the government-staged immolation in Tiananmen Square and of the brutal persecution of Falun Gong practitioners in China; and we answered participants' questions according to the Fa. Through my involvement in the workshops, I myself learned a lot from veteran practitioners about how to spread Dafa--how to clarify the truth. During these engagements, I improved greatly in xinxing. At the libraries I often met my classmates and friends and they asked me: "I cannot believe you've become a Falun Gong practitioner. Why?" I told them: "Like thousands of other practitioners, I have benefited from the cultivation of Falun Dafa. We don't have any political agenda. What we are doing is telling people that Falun Dafa is good."