(Clearwisdom.net)
Recently I again had some xinxing conflicts with my fellow practitioners over some trivial issues. Afterwards, I studied the Fa. However, I still felt upset. I tried to look inside because I knew the thoughts of pointing fingers at others were not from my true self. I needed to search inward no matter how difficult it was. I knew I must have had some problems; otherwise, I wouldn't have experienced the conflicts. So I tried my best to restrain myself and to eliminate the bad thoughts. But, after one or two days, those thoughts came out again. It seemed I didn't make any fundamental changes.
After I calmed down, I looked inside comprehensively and deeply. I realized that I hadn't really eradicated many attachments fundamentally because of notions I had formed in my family environment, my lifestyle, and my way of dealing with things. My attachments were manifestations of these notions. I used to think those attachments were "unchangeable." However, I came to realize that they were major obstructions that stopped me from breaking through to higher levels during my cultivation. For example, I felt little love from my family when I was young, so I considered being looked after restrictive and painful. I didn't know how to care about others. I did whatever I wanted to do. I didn't care about other people's lives. When I was hurt, I would try to get along with others in order to avoid further suffering.
When I obtained the Fa, I thought I didn't have many attachments. I thought I was pretty good and I felt good about myself. However, I suddenly realized how many attachments I had. It was those attachments that had caused the conflicts between my fellow practitioners and me over those trivial issues. I reviewed Teacher's article "Cautionary Advice." Teacher said, "If you do not change the human logic that you, as an ordinary human, have formed deep in your bones over thousands of years, you will be unable to break away from this superficial human shell and reach Consummation." All human desires are selfish. We need to get rid of all of them, no matter how little they appear to be.
Teacher also said, "A cultivator has no role models. The path each person is to take is different, because each person's foundation is different, the sizes of their various attachments are different, the characteristics of their beings are different, their jobs among everyday people are different, their family environments are different, and so on. These factors determine that each person's path of cultivation is different, that how they get rid of their attachments is different, and that the sizes of their tests are different." (From "Path") Teacher arranged my cultivation path to help me fundamentally get rid of those degenerate notions I had formed in my family environment and in my lifestyle. I shouldn't criticize others. I should value this cultivation environment by trying to pass those tests. Teacher told us in Zhuan Falun, "These are all your own tribulations that we use to improve your xinxing, and you will be able to overcome them. As long as you upgrade your xinxing, you can overcome them. Unless you, yourself do not want to do so, you can make it, provided you want to overcome them " (From "Transformation of Karma" in Lecture Four). I knew why I couldn't pass the tests: I didn't try to understand the problems from the Fa. I didn't judge my actions based on the Fa, but instead, used ordinary people's notions to judge whether something was right or wrong.
I also encountered another issue. Sometimes I saw that some practitioners had attachments. Those attachments could even have negative effects on Dafa work. I was worried; however, I didn't have the courage to point them out, especially when those practitioners had been cultivating very well. I knew very clearly that I should be responsible for others. At least, I needed to be responsible for the Fa. So after a lot of consideration, I managed to gather up my courage and point out the problems that I saw. It was not a difficult thing to do. However, it was the formed notions that were difficult to be fundamentally changed. Actually, selfishness was the reason for this. When we truly understand that we need to get rid of all attachments and when we have the determination to directly face those attachments, we will be able to dig them out at the root.
Being reluctant to search inwardly or to point out the problems of our fellow practitioners is a manifestation of selfishness that we should eliminate.
When I clearly and truly uncovered the root cause that blocked me from passing the tests, I felt a lot of karma leave my body. My heart was so relieved and determined. I once again felt how profound and subtle the Fa is. "The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts." (From "Drive Out Interference")
Please correct me if I said anything inappropriate.
