Becoming Mature Amidst Tribulations
Recently, Minghui Net (Clearwisdom.net) has suggested that more and more Dafa disciples should share their cultivation experiences. During the Fa-rectification cultivation of the past few years, I once took a deviated path and stumbled. I gradually became mature during these tribulations. I know very well that Master has borne much for me, and has given me opportunity after opportunity to be righteously enlightened. I feel that I have the responsibility to write down my inner thoughts, and do my part to disclose the evil.
I obtained Dafa in March 1998. Before obtaining the Fa, I suffered from many illnesses such as gastritis, a gynecological disease, constipation, and a gall bladder infection. I took a lot of Chinese medicine, western medicine, and folk remedies, but none of them worked. When I became very sick, I could not go to work. It was in this situation that I obtained the Fa. At that time, I only wanted to cure my diseases. I did not understand what cultivation was. Gradually, as I studied the Fa and did the exercises, I changed my original understanding. I began the process of cultivation.
Not long after I began to practice the exercises, Teacher eliminated karma for me. After that my whole body became very light. I remember that once, when I was holding the wheel, I suddenly felt that my body became very light, as if I was going to levitate off the ground. I really experienced this. Gradually, I realized the importance of studying the Fa. So after work, when I had done my chores, I used most of my spare time to study the Fa and memorize Master's articles. I felt that my life was very full and meaningful, and I became very energetic. Because I became healthier and happier, everyday I worked with a harmonious heart. I enthusiastically cultivated like this with my whole heart until the tribulations started.
After April 25, 1999, the heads of my work unit repeatedly tried to persuade me to give up practicing Falun Gong. They forced me to hand in my books and denounce Falun Gong. Because I was not fully prepared psychologically, I signed my name out of fear and handed in my books against my will. The pain I felt could not be expressed in human language. I understood that no matter what the circumstances were, I would not give up cultivation practice. So I began to study the Fa more diligently, upgrading my xinxing (mind/heart nature, moral character) and understanding the Fa according to the Fa.
In March 2000, I was illegally detained for 15 days because I went to Beijing to appeal. After that, the officials from the bureau and my work unit always talked to me and forced me to write thought reports (the assumption is that a practitioners' thoughts will be of giving up Falun Gong) and tried to force me to give up the practice. Facing various forms of pressure, especially that from my family, I again wrote a guarantee letter saying that I would not practice, nor would I go to appeal. Once again I felt anguish. At that time, when I read Zhuan Falun, each and every sentence touched my heart. I thought that I could not cultivate any more. Then my fellow practitioners encouraged me to study the Fa more and asked me not to make a mistake because of my negative thoughts. They suggested that I dig out my attachments and seize the opportunity to make up for it in the future. Just at that moment, the heads from my work unit called me, saying that what I wrote did not satisfy them and I had to write it again. By then I knew that Master had not given up on me. I wrote down my cultivation experiences with great courage and gave it to the officials in my bureau. I wrote about the changes in my mind and body. I also stated that I would persist in cultivation until the end. After that I was informed that I would not be allowed to go to work for as long as a year. My salary was cut. I did not realize that they were persecuting me. I though that it was my own karma, so I always endured it passively.
I had to go to work in a private company to make a living. I conducted myself like a cultivator, acting according to the Fa, and treated everyone with a sincere and compassionate heart. I tried to do my work well. After a month of observation, the factory director changed his attitude towards me. He went from distrusting me at the beginning, to respecting me and then to understanding me. He no longer believed the TV's propaganda. Once, after watching a TV program, the factory director said, "What's being spread on the TV is not in conformity with what you have done. I will say some just words for you if anybody says practitioners are not responsible and that they don't care for their families or their children." Even the workers in the factory had a correct understanding of Dafa. The work was hard and the salary was low, but I was able to validate Dafa with my own good conduct. Nothing else could be more important.
On February 23, 2001, while I was working at the factory, five people came, and forcibly took me to a "class on our nation's legal system" (actually, it was a brainwashing class). Several local, fellow practitioners were also arrested. What we heard in the brainwashing class was nothing but lies, threats, and harassment. I was very calm at the time. The evil words and groundless lies could not shake me at all, but instead made my belief firmer. Because we refused to cooperate with the evil, we were labeled as key members. It made the local officials who were in charge of Falun Gong very irritated. When the brainwashing class was completed, the policemen deceived us, and sent us to the detention center. It was the second time that I was illegally detained. In the detention center, I started to waver. I feared that I could not endure it if I was sent to a labor camp. As a result, I was taken advantage of by the evil. Facing pressure and under so many people's attacks, I couldn't think about it from the perspective of the Fa. Once again I did what a Dafa practitioner should not. I signed my name on the "guarantee letter" against my will.
The next day after I was released this time, my work unit allowed me to go back to work. However, I was very depressed. The anguish in my heart increased day by day. During that time, I read the article "Coercion Cannot Change People's Hearts." I realized that cultivation is serious. I could not make mistakes repeatedly and ask our Teacher to bear it for me over and over again. So I published a solemn declaration on Minghui net: "All of what I had said before that was not in conformity with Dafa is invalid. I'll practice Falun Dafa firmly, and become a genuine Dafa particle." I was determined to wash clean the stains with my actual actions. I felt that I would not tarnish Dafa, and miss the compassionate salvation of Teacher. From then on, I have firmly resisted the evil.
In April 2002, the evil persecution became extremely rampant. While I was at work on the morning of April 23, three policemen deceived me into going to the police station. They asked me to sign my name on a "recognition letter." I firmly refused to sign. The police said, "You cannot expect to go back if you don't sign your name." Then they pulled me downstairs and pushed me into a police car. The drove to my home and, like criminals, they violently ransacked my home. Because of my strong righteous thoughts, they could not find what they wanted. Then they took me to the police station again. In the afternoon, I was sent to the detention center. In the detention center, I recited the Fa and sent forth righteous thoughts ceaselessly with other fellow practitioners detained in the same ward with me. We felt that we should walk out of the detention center openly and righteously. The evil forces were not worthy of testing us in any way. I asked Teacher for help. I said to Teacher silently in my heart, "I must do it well this time and behave like a Dafa disciple." On the afternoon of April 26, the guard unexpectedly asked me to take my belongings and leave. Thus, I walked out of the detention center in an open and righteous way. Later on, several other fellow practitioners also walked out of the detention center with righteous thoughts.
A few days later, I found out that my colleagues, my husband, and my friends had put all their effort into rescuing me. My colleagues went to talk to one of the directors of the police department about my situation. That director immediately ordered the lower-level directors to release me, and said, "We'll make it an exception since she is needed at her job." This time my husband did very well in getting me released. He argued with the police, asking them to release me, and always took my side. Before, my husband once wrote thought reports to cater to the evil in my name and without my approval.
I once had a happy family and a stable job. During the past three years, due to the evil persecution, my family has almost completely fallen apart. Because I was put into jail several times, my husband could not bear it any more, and thus asked me to divorce him. He did many things ignorantly that disrespected Dafa. All this was caused by the evil forces. Although he cannot understand me now, I believe that he will definitely understand me some day, and will join the side of Truth.
Currently, I have been forced to leave home and live in exile in order to avoid persecution, but no matter what the circumstances are I will never slack off. I'll follow Teacher closely in Fa-rectification, and do everything well for the Fa-rectification until the Fa rectifies the human world.
Above are my personal cultivation experiences. Fellow practitioners, please kindly point out anything that is improper.