Witnessing Dafa's Greatness -- My Trip to Houston
I went to Houston on October 18, traveling with a fellow practitioner from Toronto. From her experiences in traveling to Iceland and other places, she talked about how the power of our righteous thoughts at critical moments depends on the cumulative effect of our day-to-day Fa-study and our practicing the exercises. After hearing that, I had a sense of guilt. I couldn't wait to start practicing the exercises, as I had often skipped practicing, using the excuse of being too busy, when in reality I was too lazy. The first two days after arriving in Houston, I felt tired and even sleepy, as if my energy had been depleted.
Two Unforgettable Experiences
On the third day, I went to the Chinese Consulate to send forth righteous thoughts. The sky was gloomy, although it had not rained. When we sent forth righteous thoughts for the second time, thunder roared ominously in the background. Realizing that this was a special period of time, I ignored my laziness and remained unaffected. With my eyes closed, I could hear other practitioners around me putting on their raincoats and putting their things away. In a minute or two, raindrops fell, drenching my body. In spite of the rain, I focused my mind and continued to send forth righteous thoughts. The rain poured down. Then the thunder exploded high in the sky. Bolts of lightning flashed one after another before my tightly closed eyes. More thunder exploded above my head, as if it were going to split me open. I did not stop until the roaring of the thunder subsided. I had no idea how much time had passed--maybe forty to fifty minutes or even an hour. When I tried to get up, my legs were soaking in a puddle of rain water that had accumulated around me while I was sitting there.
When I shared my experience with that fellow practitioner, I related that I sent all the sentient beings in my body out to assist in the Fa-rectification. I felt all the pores in my body open up and my energy soar forth. She thought that I did not, and had instead asked Master Li and all the Gods to help. What I endured was very powerful. I felt extreme pain in my legs. My body was so wet and cold that I started to tremble, and couldn't stop trembling. How could a Buddha, a Dao or a God keep trembling while eliminating the demons? Yet I just could not control the trembling. I had no idea whether I had any effect at all. I didn't know if I had successfully sent forth righteous thoughts because I felt so much distress. One thought kept me going and staying there unmoved, namely, "I don't know anything. But simply because I have 'faith', no being at any level will dare to touch me! Simply because I have 'faith,' I will completely eliminate all evil demons." In spite of my condition, I became quite firm and determined.
After that, even though our bodies were soaking wet, we went with three American practitioners to the hotel where the head of the evil stayed, in order to purge the evil elements in other dimensions. The hotel was next to a very tall building. It was drizzling. Dark rain clouds hung in the sky, covering the upper third of the tall building. We sat in the car and sent forth righteous thoughts. Since my body was already wet, the rain didn't bother me, so I walked to a spot behind the building that was not sheltered from the rain, and sat in the meditation position with my palm erect. After about half an hour, sunshine broke through, although it was still raining. I raised my head and looked up. Centered in the sky above my head was a window of blue sky. Dark rain clouds surrounded the window, and white clouds floated in it. The sun, in the middle of the clear, blue window, was so gentle that you could stare at it directly. The light sprinkled down like golden water. Because I was right under the sky-window, I was able to observe it clearly. I was deeply moved. I felt unlimited energy in my body. The Buddha Fa vividly manifested such a magnificent scene right before my eyes. Every word Master Li had spoken became very real and tangible. That side of me in other dimensions seemed to instantly break into a brand, new realm.
Then the rain clouds started gathering around the center and eventually closed it up. It became gloomy once again. From this experience, I had a deep understanding of the evil's frenzy. I felt that every moment was an opportunity. Every moment should be grasped firmly. Yet, no matter how many righteous thoughts we sent out, it was still not enough.
A Brand New Realm
After that, I entered a state of feeling no weariness, no drowsiness and having no stray thoughts. Except for doing what I came to do, nothing else was on my mind. I only wanted to continue sending forth righteous thoughts. After a day's exhausting activities, my physical body might feel a little tired, since it was still restrained by what's inside the Three Realms, but this fatigue did not affect my mind. I recovered immediately after taking a short break.
Through these two unforgettable experiences and the state I experienced, I enlightened to a new principle of Fa, one that was "new" to me.
Before coming on this trip, some fellow practitioners and I had the notion that it was going to be extremely harsh, and we would have to suffer and endure hardships. An American practitioner beside me said, "Teacher has endured so much. Don't we have to endure some things also?" At first, I was a little puzzled. The tribulation of the first two days appeared to be substantial. However, as I looked back, after cultivating past it, I remembered something Master Li said, "I said that all of you are cultivators and should hold yourselves to strict standards. No matter who you are, you have to act that way. That's because you're in the process of cultivation and that's the requirement for your cultivation. But I'm not a cultivator. Master is here to save you. You have to be clear on this. So you should never ever compare yourselves with me." (from Lecture at the Australia Fa Conference)
From my own level, I understood why Teacher endured. Teacher could have destroyed all of the evil beings in an instant, but Teacher endured for the sake of sentient beings and for us. Teacher gave us this environment. Now we are saving sentient beings. Under these circumstances, anything extra we have to suffer is interference. This kind of interference manifests at the cost of sentient beings' chances for being saved, and is therefore not permitted. According to the old cosmos's principles, interference such as leg pain, fatigue and rain will manifest our magnificence. Yet if we were to accept this principle, this interference and endurance not only cannot manifest our magnificence, accepting it is actually our shame. It was because of our insufficient righteous faith and insufficient righteous thoughts that we were interfered with. This interference also directly affected our righteous thoughts, and directly affected large numbers of sentient beings in such a way that they could not be saved. Thus our endurance cannot do justice to the endurance Teacher suffered for us. One practitioner pointed out that if all of our practitioners remained unmoved when it rained, perhaps it wouldn't have rained. I thought perhaps that was the case. The beings in the Fa are indestructible. As long as we have true righteous thoughts and eliminate the evil with something that is indestructible, the result is, of course, unlimited energy, and we will be able to overcome the evil. The things that we are forced to endure due to the old principles, such as leg pain and fatigue, will naturally cease to exist.
Before I made the trip I heard a young practitioner say, "This time the Gods of the cosmos were not allowed to help, and Dafa practitioners were required to fight on their own." In my personal understanding, I could not agree with this, because I could vaguely feel my magnificence when I sent forth righteous thoughts. How many centuries has it been? I have truly sacrificed everything for sentient beings, and I have endured everything all for them. During this period of time, whenever I closed my eyes I could feel energy vigorously moving in my body. It was not until today that I truly understood the magnificence of the word "mighty" as in "mighty virtue." The admiration of sentient beings toward their kings is incomparable. Now that this boundless mighty virtue had been cultivated in Dafa, for anyone to participate in the Fa-rectification is a great honor. It is the everlasting foundation for creating something indestructible. Beings in the cosmos should be touched by the mighty virtue cultivated in the Fa by enlightened beings. No matter how the old forces arranged it, any being that witnessed this should have been touched and ponder, "What kind of a great Fa is capable of forging such great enlightened beings?" The sentient beings within my realm would step forward to assist in the Fa-rectification. Of course I couldn't see anything, and this is just my personal understanding.
I discovered something else. Fatigue actually has to do with unresolved attachments. At such a harsh moment, this was especially obvious. Once our human mentality was stirred up, we felt tired and were attacked by leg pain immediately. Also, this fatigue was hard to overcome, and it was capable of wearing down our will. To correct this situation, we needed to consciously eliminate our human mentality immediately. Once we did this, the fatigue of our physical bodies became trivial. After a whole day, I could feel my hands and legs becoming slightly numb, yet it didn't affect anything. My righteous thoughts were strong and clear.
The Biggest Lesson
Because of my attachments, I stumbled terribly. It was quite embarrassing. However, sharing what I learned will probably serve as a good reference for everyone.
Because my human mentality was unable to handle the greatness the Buddha Fa had displayed--although I couldn't see anything in other dimensions, I lost myself and started to get carried away. I immediately stumbled terribly. It was as if I was a divine being at one moment, yet the next thing I knew I had fallen to the ground with mud in my mouth. Taking a look at myself, I found that I was only a human being.
I even had an argument with a fellow practitioner over a trivial matter. In other circumstances, it wouldn't have been a test, and I would have let it go immediately. Nevertheless, at such a harsh moment, with Jiang's motorcade showing up on the street at any minute, and while everyone was focusing on sending forth righteous thoughts, I not only missed the precious opportunity, my human mentality was also triggered. My righteous thoughts became weaker and weaker and I couldn't control them. The feeling of "greatness" that I just had, magnified the contrast tremendously. I had an endless sorrow for my lack of determined willpower. I let my human mentality take over at such a critical moment. I felt even more sad about my being "hopeless." The tribulation continued to magnify. I had so much anger and frustration. I couldn't wait to find a place to vent my anger so I could calm down and continue sending forth righteous thoughts. The best target for me to vent my anger was, of course, the fellow practitioner with whom I'd had the dispute. I thought, "I don't care who is right or wrong. Let me fix him good first." But I still tried to control myself with rationality. I knew if I lost my temper, I would fall to the very bottom. Therefore I sent forth righteous thoughts while holding in this strong anger. The more anger I held, the weaker my gong became. At the end I started to recite this sentence, "A magnificent cultivator, on the other hand, is able to let go of his Self and even all of his ordinary human thoughts amidst crucial trials." (from "Position", Essentials for Further Advancement II)
I kept reciting it and trying to correct myself. My brain started to turn blank, and I stopped thinking about what had made me mad. My righteous thoughts started to take effect. My energy kept surging and surging until it again regained the power it used to have. The human mentality I just had disappeared.
Through this tribulation I remembered something Teacher had said, "You might not make it because you're not able to be firm in Dafa; it's also possible that you'll have firm belief in Dafa so you'll make it, and you'll come through with determination... As a matter of fact, certain attachments are very easy for us to get rid of for humans." (from Lecture at the US East Coast Conference)
Nevertheless, I still felt very sorry for myself. This trip of mine to the US truly has made me realize the greatness that Fa has displayed to me. Every thought of ours does indeed impact the life or death of massive groups of beings. Therefore, I feel deeply sorry for my sentient beings. Because I failed to let go of my attachments, I disappointed many such sentient beings. Every opportunity we lose won't come back again. Although I passed the test, the price I paid was too big. Obviously, my human mentality made me walk right into the old forces' trap. I was so ashamed of myself that I was speechless. When I was alone, I couldn't control my heart from feeling great pain. I couldn't help but cry for my sentient beings.
I believe that after this tempering, as a member of the whole body, that each Dafa practitioner should be more capable of letting go of his or her ego. We should coordinate with the overall situation with a clear mind and a pure heart, so that the evil will be less and less able to take advantage of our loopholes.
Righteous thoughts at a critical moment rely on the foundation of the solid efforts made in our day-to-day Fa-study and exercise practice. However, when a tribulation comes, whether we are able to let go of our attachments, how we let go of our attachments, to what extent we let go of our attachments, and which ones take precedence--these are all crucially important, and these will directly affect the levels we cultivators can achieve. I think this is also the reason why, while we all study the Fa and practice the exercises, some have cultivated faster and some have cultivated slower. When my mind was in tribulation and deluded by illusion, I felt indescribable agony -- how could I let it go? Yet when I let it go and looked back, all I could do was smile.
I felt the cosmic changes of eliminating the evil this time have been directly manifested in this dimension. The great Buddha Fa has started manifesting in the human world. The path each Dafa practitioner has taken is a great Fa.
I have talked about a lot, yet my personal understanding is not necessarily correct. However, I hope my experiences can still serve as a reference to everyone.