I was caught when I was driving to the countryside with some fellow practitioners to distribute Dafa materials. At first I was not afraid and when I was interrogated I refused to say anything. The attitude of the policemen also changed from very vicious to very nice. However, when I was transferred to another police station, my attachments started to show and I became more fearful. Once this human mentality showed itself, I started to deviate from the Fa. I betrayed one fellow practitioner, thinking it was fine as long as I did not tell some more important things. In the later interrogation, I betrayed another fellow practitioner who had gone with me to distribute materials. Thus I caused two fellow practitioners to be arrested. One of them was rescued while the other was illegally sent to labor camp. After I was released, I realized that I had done something only a traitor would do. My spirit collapsed and my heart could not bear the mixed feelings of remorse and shame. I wanted to die but I was afraid that this would give an excuse to Jiang Zemin's group to sabotage Dafa.
During this period of time, I kept receiving Teacher's new articles and Dafa materials. Teacher said, "So in clarifying the truth, don't wait, don't rely on others, and don't just hope for changes in external factors. Every one of us is creating history for the future, that's why everyone is not only participating in group activities, but also taking the initiative to look for work to do. As long as something is good for Dafa, you should take the initiative to do it, take the initiative to work on it" (To All Students at the Nordic Fa Conference). From the materials that I obtained, I selected the ones that are proper for everyday people to read and sent them out. Later I wrote articles myself and posted them. Afterwards I contacted a fellow practitioner who had distributed truth materials only once because of her fear. I communicated with her to be enlightened to the Fa and we got together to make small posters.
I know how bad the thing I did in the detention center was and how huge the karma was. But I am a Dafa cultivator. I know Dafa is good from studying the Fa. I know that Teacher experienced numerous tribulations lifetime after lifetime in order to establish a predestined relationship with us and in order to save us. During my tribulations, what I did was not worthy of Dafa, not worthy of Teacher, and not worthy of those fellow practitioners. I did not have a sufficiently deep understanding of the Fa because I still possessed strong attachments and because I did not put down life and death and human sentimentality. But if I quit cultivation in Dafa, then what meaning would there be for me to have come to this world? I would like to use my shame as a lesson to warn those practitioners who have a strong heart of fear and strong attachments: cultivate Dafa firmly, "regard the Fa as Teacher" and step out of humanness.
I wrote the "guarantee letters" under pressure from the evil. I did something that is not worthy of Teacher, of Dafa, or of my fellow practitioners. It is the compassionate and great Teacher who gives me another chance to be saved. Here I solemnly declare: all of my "guarantee letters" are invalid. I want to "Follow Teacher closely, steadfastly cultivating Dafa." I want to redouble my efforts in making amends and I want to make up for the loss I have caused Dafa. I want to steadfastly follow Teacher and return to my true home.
Falun Dafa practitioner Yang Huili,
September 20, 2001