Giving Myself the Last Chance
May 26, 2001
[Minghui Net] It has been two years since I obtained the Fa [law and principles]. I went to Beijing to protect the Fa and enthusiastically participated in the Fa-rectification. When I recalled my cultivation road over the past two years, I thought that I had conducted myself well at all times. Until today, I just truly realized that I studied the Fa so little that I couldn't stand on the Fa at the most critical moment. I couldn't pass the test of affection among family members.
I went to Beijing to protect the Fa on January 3, 2001. Later on, I was illegally detained in the Xuanwu District Detention Center in Beijing. The policeman who interrogated me was very vicious. He punched my mouth with his fists and put my head into a barrel filled with water. I was also made to freeze outside (at that time, the temperature in Beijing was below 20 degrees Centigrade). When he interrogated me the second time, he used an electric rod to shock my body and head. A practitioner said that this policeman had once used two electric rods (one large and the other small) to shock both of his cheeks. The electric rods shocked him so much that he backed up for over one foot and fell against the wall behind him. He was shocked almost to the point of fainting. In the Xuanwu District Detention Center, police did not give us any bed quilts. Even if we wanted to buy them, they would not sell them. At last, two criminals who watched us gave us a set of bedding. Eight people had to share one quilt. On January 10, I was taken back to the local detention center and was illegally detained there afterwards.
In the detention center, my family members surrounded me and tried to move my heart. Seeing my aunts crying and making a fuss over me, I was not disturbed. Seeing my older brother stamping with fury with tears falling down for me like rain, I was not disturbed. Seeing my mother not wanting to live with pain and illness, I was not disturbed. However, when my older brother's wife kneeled in front of me, although I clearly knew that this was testing me, I couldn't bear it in my heart. At that time I just thought: "I am reluctant to see so many people in pain for me. If I do not practice cultivation, at most I will be confronted with destruction." I completely did not understand the Fa from the perspective of the Fa. I did not think about how my actions would affect the Fa-rectification, and I completely forgot all that Master had done for us.
Coming out of the detention center, I was very dispirited. Departing from Dafa [great law and universal principles] and Master, I felt like I had lost my mind and soul and I just had a human body left. I was very painful and felt very bad. However, I knew that this was the road I had chosen myself. In the last 26 years, it seemed that I always lived for others. At that time, I really thought it was my end. However, with the help of practitioners, I read Master's articles. When I held Zhuan Falun [the main book on Falun Gong] again, I recalled the scene in the detention center. Although I had worry to some extent, I deeply knew that Dafa was something that I could not give up. Without it, although I was still alive, my life already had no meaning. I knew I must not cheat myself again and must not let this last chance slip between my fingers. I began to study the Fa and practice again. Through this lesson, I had a deeper understanding of studying the Fa. Now, I study the Fa twice as much as before. At the same time, I also actively follow the process of Fa-rectification. Although I still can't completely step out from the shadow of affection among family members, I have full confidence in myself. Right now, I treat myself as a new practitioner and firmly walk step by step. I have no pursuits. I just wish that I could still make up a little for the mistakes I made.
Here, I declare solemnly that what I wrote and said under the pressure of family members in the detention center was against my will. I declare all are invalid. At the same time, I'd like to advise those who go astray: "You were all Dafa practitioners. In your hearts, it is very clear to you who is benevolent and who is evil; who is right, and who is wrong. I can also understand your state of mind when you were forced to depart from Dafa. Do not wait in painful illusion and at a loss again. Do not deceive yourselves. Trust our great Master's benevolence that is beyond our imagination. Trust that only you can save yourself. Give yourself this last chance. We are all predestined people after all."
Dafa practitioner in Mudanjiang, Heilongjiang Province: Lin Haiying