The layers upon layers of knots that bind us can only be untied by the compassion present in Dafa or the compassion cultivated by Dafa practitioners. Life can only be relieved in the Fa; Fa is so powerful that it can replace vice with benevolence, that it can rectify everything that needs to be rectified and make them eternally pure. After a long break, I went to visit my dad yesterday. He had been very adamant against my cultivation, and had even done many bad deeds against Dafa. Until now, the hostility between us still persisted. Just for cultivating Dafa, our relatives have been either detained, made homeless, or even murdered; but he just stayed home alone. He heard my knock on the door, but hesitated to answer. I knocked again, he, like a scared cub, cautiously asked, "Who is it?" "It is me." After a pause, he asked again, "Who are you?" I replied, "Li Bing." The door opened. Against the dim light in the hallway, he thoroughly examined me--because he suffered from a cataract. The moment he recognized me, while the door was still half-open, he bursted out, "My goodness! It is really you. How I have missed you." His hair was mostly gray, so was the unshaven stubble all over his face. Walking into the home, I found it was just as messy as when I left. In the past, my dad's misfortunes could never touch me, however, I was somehow deeply moved when I came back home this time. I suddenly understood the words of the Teacher, "If this hadn't happened, I could resolve well the problems of all beings and enable all of them to meet the standard for Consummation. But this evil-wrought tribulation has taken place." When reading those words, I thought those beings that could not be "resolved in a perfect manner" had nothing to do with me. I felt I was a valiant general under command of our Teacher; one who follows the instructions of Teacher and shoulders the obligations for the gods--in sum, the only reason for my existence was fulfilling Teacher's plans. My mental outlook towards others at that time was "Don't blame me for my coldness. You still don't believe it after the Teacher has already told you so. Not following what the Teacher says, you are bound to be responsible for all the consequences." At this level of Xinxing, despite all my Fa studies, I was always in a state of being antagonistic and absolute towards whatever evil I encountered in my Dafa work. I was able to be benevolent for several times in the beginning. However, each time my hands felt cold after talking, and I was so consumed as if my benevolence had been completely drained. I awakened to the fact that the compassion cultivated through practicing Dafa is like an inexhaustible water source, like the eternal Changjiang River that nourishes the soils and all beings along its route to the sea without asking for any reciprocating of benefits. This is something I had awakened to previously, but I lost that state recently. I also understood cultivation must not be faked; it is futile to seek some kind of state artificially. I can only study the Fa through practice and face up to my true Xinxing, and be responsible to my Xinxing and thoughts in cultivation, instead of covering them up. At the same time, I recognized the same situation did not only apply to myself. Many practitioners in one way or another have the same problem. Though "hatred" is not a proper term, what's in my heart is not true compassion. I started to spread the Fa and offer salvation to other people only because Master's article requires us to do so. Deep inside, I did not have true compassion towards them. Such a state of mind usually leads to tiredness and a lack of confidence in doing Dafa related work, or impatient thoughts like "when will Teacher terminate all this?" The problem is especially true with me. After Teacher's article "Beyond the Limits of Forbearance" was published, one fellow practitioner called me, "Please don't leave me out when you take action!" The "action" he talked about obviously referred to violence. Another practitioner said on the phone, "Is this really Teacher's article?" These two instances show that lacking genuine compassion towards the sentient beings, some practitioners displayed the tendency of using violence. There were even a few who comprehended Teacher's article incorrectly and pondered whether violence should be used. Of course, when it comes to the bottom line, we are rational. Especially on important matters, no actions against Dafa have been conducted. My last phone call to "suffocate evil" was made to a police department where female practitioners had been sexually abused. It ended up that I did not keep Xinxing requirements and spoke harshly to them. After the call, I felt fatigued, and extremely upset and frustrated, especially when I realized that the practitioners there would suffer more due to my bad Xinxing performance. I felt my whole life was totally consumed, leaving no compassion to nurture and influence the subjects to be saved. At the same time, in a vivid dream of mine I encountered this scenario: all practitioners would reach consummation soon. In preparation, some practitioners cleaned up their houses, some held reunion with their friends and relatives, some dressed up and went on vacations. I was the only one that had to join the army. Since my graduation fell on the eve of Consummation, some practitioners suggested that I should not go. But I persisted in my decision so that I could be trained to kill the "enemy." In a flash, my graduation came and all of us were about to reach Consummation in a few days. I successfully caught 7 enemies and started eliminating them as I had planned. I felt miserable while doing so, because it made me feel impure. But I reassured myself that how could I not deal with them in that way since it was they who had conducted the wrongdoing? My impurity was all caused by them. With that thought, my hostility towards them grew. The more I hated them, the more impure I regarded myself. In this manner, layers upon layers of hatred accumulated and became irresolvable, until only the last enemy figure was left. It lay on the ground, shivering, sobbing, and bent into a ball shape due to fright. I could no longer withstand my own vice. So I ran out wildly. But vice obsessed me like the clouds. I prayed to heaven to pardon me, while the others chatted joyfully and prepared to greet the Consummation. At that point, I woke up, leaving myself in an irresolvable conflict. Upon seeing my Dad, I suddenly awakened to Teacher's Fa, "If this hadn't happened, I could resolve well the problems of all beings and enable all of them to meet the standard for Consummation. But this evil-wrought tribulation has taken place." Teacher's Fa contains even deeper implications. I felt the immeasurable sadness behind Teacher's words. To put it more accurately, I felt the other part of compassion: sadness. I felt sorrowful for the beings who had lost the opportunity to be resolved, and understood the sins of the deviated beings at higher levels. If they had obeyed the Teacher's arrangement to assimilate to this Fa, like my Dad, they would be well resolved by the Teacher's mighty benevolence. However, "the evil-wrought tribulation has taken place." How grievous it is! Teacher said, "I told them not to do this. They didn't listen, even though I taught them the Fa, because they didn't believe all of the truth. Since they've done this, this is their sin." With that understanding and looking at those beings from the perspective of rectifying the Fa, I felt uninterrupted sadness coming from my heart, transcending the remote past and remote future, and all the time spaces I'm living in. My heart was then filled with deep bitterness for the beings who had gone to the opposite side of Dafa, many of whom are higher level beings currently occupying human form. The deviated beings from higher levels that have arranged this matter and the beings that they are manipulating to create trouble are all deserving of sympathy. Awakening to such a principle and with compassion in my heart, I honestly felt relieved from the insolvable hatred. In the past, I only hoped to act as a sword or knife in a giant army, which even if broken up or worn down, could kill the demons for the King of the Kings or the Prime Buddha/Tao/God. However, now I experienced an even higher elevation, and experienced further benevolence from my present Xinxing level. I will not only be a guard, but a particle assimilated to Dafa that will use the boundless pure kindness of Dafa to treat sentient beings with benevolence. Though it's hard to recount the whole story, I felt I had broken through a shell that surrounded me. Teacher said, "The three religions talk about inaction in cultivation. Using the mind improperly is action. Always doing good deeds is also action. Getting rid of attachments is true inaction." While pondering this, I gained deeper understanding of "using the mind improperly is action." However, breaking through this mindset is also naturally achieved through Fa study and solid cultivation with no pursuit. "Cultivation is by the practitioner, while the transformation of the Gong is up to the Master." The practitioner only expresses the wish, the real elevation and changes is done by the Teacher. "Getting rid of attachments is true inaction." Every time I feel disheartened like that, I read the Teacher's Fa and can understand it well from a variety of angles. The above is a little bit of my thoughts for the reference and critique of my fellow practitioners. Dafa practitioner: Li Bing (Pseudonym) Feb.5, 2001