(Shared at 2001 Russia Conference)



I am a practitioner from Russia, and I have cultivated in Falun Dafa for about 2 years. Now I would like to share my experiences with you. At the beginning of my cultivation, I had a sense about what kind of tests would be the most difficult ones for me. I even doubted whether I could pass these tests. In Zhuan Falun, Teacher said, "Every test or every tribulation is related to the matter of either progression or regression in cultivation." Not long after I started cultivation, I became pregnant. If it had happened before my cultivation, I would have definitely gotten an abortion. My first child was only two years old. My husband firmly objected to having the second. This tribulation was like a huge wall standing in the way of my cultivation. Maybe for other kind-hearted practitioners, this would not have been a test, but because I was selfish and had many obstinate attachments, this was a severe test for me. However, I knew that if I were going to cultivate, I should change myself fundamentally. The part that had been successfully cultivated made the firm decision, while the uncultivated part attempted to find excuses in Dafa, which made me irritable and melancholy. When I had no choice, I would ask for help from fellow practitioners. In this matter, I was very determined in my behavior. Everyone who was familiar with me was surprised at my decision.

From Teacher's words, I understand that if you have an attachment, you would have corresponding tribulations until you eliminate the attachment. My tribulations were increased because of my attachment to the fear of not having money. As a consequence, I really did get into a situation of not having money. When the second baby was about to be born, my husband was fired. In the process of getting rid of my attachment to my husband's steady income, my husband was fired several times. As of now, he still does not have a long-term job.

Dafa has totally changed me. When some tests happened to me, such as my home being robbed, my response at that time even surprised me. I felt Dafa's great power directly impacted my heart. I knew Dafa was eliminating the attachments deep in my heart. Before, my husband said to me, "Your jealousy will destroy you." Now I tell him he had better rectify his own behavior. I did not say that for my own good but to keep him from making karma. I did not have tolerance for others before. For example, I could not tolerate my mother-in-law. Now I am good to her from my heart. Even my mom was surprised at my huge change after cultivation. She also became a cultivator due to her fortunate predestined relationship to Dafa. Then my sister also obtained Dafa.

One month after my son was born, I started to experience difficult tribulations, and became very fearful if he would seem unwell. Maybe all my wrongdoings and the tests that I hadn't passed well in my cultivation had accumulated, which prevented me from upgrading my enlightenment quality. Thus, I viewed these tribulations completely with my human notions.

When I read Teacher's recent articles, I suddenly enlightened to Teacher's words about the evil, "Its aim is to use coercive measures to change Dafa cultivators' hearts and have them give up their cultivation practice." ("Coercion Cannot Change People's Hearts") I understood that Teacher pointed it out not only for practitioners in China, but also for overseas practitioners, including me. I clearly realized that the evil had been taking advantage of my remaining fundamental attachment, fear, and the loophole -- my children, in an attempt to force me give up cultivation. My realization of it is a breakthrough for me, as I know, no matter how difficult it is, I will never leave the path of Dafa cultivation.

After watching the OPT TV station's program slandering Dafa, I felt that the evil was overwhelming in its magnitude. Thinking how many people had watched the program that night and the negative effects that it caused, I couldn't fall asleep. I realized in my heart how important it is to clarify the truth to people, including those in Russia. If people don't get the truth from us practitioners, they won't have any other opportunity to know the truth. For example, if my friends and acquaintances who watched the program don't get the truth about Falun Gong from me, from who else will they get it?

Gradually, I came through many tribulations and felt more clear-minded, as if I had a breakthrough in my progress. Teacher's words, "Every person you come into contact with in society is someone to clarify the truth to..." ("To All Students at the Nordic Fa Conference") pointed out to me that as a Dafa disciple in the Fa-rectification period, what I had done was far from meeting the requirements. I want to step forward to validate Dafa. I want to step forward from my home and from my human side. I had a strong wish to go to Tiananmen Square, and I decided to first step forward and go to the Chinese Embassy. I asked someone to take care of my elder child, and went to Moscow with fellow practitioners and my infant who still needed breast-feeding. We spent 2 hours in front of the Chinese Embassy, and I knew it was more significant in other dimensions. Thus, I was not a bit surprised that I could do the sitting meditation much longer that day, and there was no pain in my legs.

The articles of other practitioners' cultivation experience downloaded from the Internet by the practitioners in St. Petersburg greatly helped me to improve my enlightenment and my firm faith in Dafa. Once, when I took the children out for a walk, I suddenly realized I should not plan to "promote the Fa now on my way when taking the children for a walk". Rather, it should be "taking the children for a walk when going out to promote the Fa." I realized this is the beginning of stepping out of being an ordinary person, the beginning of viewing myself as a particle of Dafa, not an ordinary person. I realized this is how I can devote every day of my life to Dafa.

Overcoming my feelings of fear and other human notions, with my children I started going to subway stations to distribute "SOS" newspapers. I saw those kind-hearted people there. They sincerely smiled at me, expressing their gratitude for receiving the truth revealing newspapers, since this is their opportunity to be saved. I think that, maybe, our Teacher was referring to them when he told us about "offering people salvation." A woman came to me and said, "you should distribute more of this type of newspaper to let everybody know the truth." She also told passersby, "Cherish them, these are very good newspapers." During the process of coming out to validate Dafa, all human fears were being eliminated. I believe that every time I come out of my ordinary people's shell, I have eliminated some of these notions. I think any factors interfering with my telling the truth and becoming a Dafa particle are barriers for me to transform myself from a human to a god. I have to eliminate them, for during the process of eliminating these human notions a practitioner is transforming into a god.

Sometimes I think, "If I were a Buddha, would I stand there silently, let the evil notions of humans control me, and let people around me lose this opportunity to be saved? Would I miss giving people the most precious opportunity to know Dafa, simply because I was afraid that people would not understand me?

Thank you.

I wish that every second, we all practitioners would feel like Dafa particles, and devote everyday of our lives to Dafa!