(Minghui.org) I began Falun Dafa cultivation when I was a teenager, 19 years ago. On this journey, I lost my way many times but, with Dafa’s guidance and Master Li’s compassion, I always got back on track. I’m as insignificant as a speck of dust in this universe, yet Master created me and bestowed me with the honor of being a Dafa practitioner. No words can express my gratitude for Master.
Awakened from a dazed life, I strengthened my righteous thoughts, and faced challenges head-on. I would like to share how I improved my character (xinxing) by looking inward so I could see through the illusion of sentiment and cultivate compassion.
After my father divorced my mother, he took all of our savings and real estate and married the woman he had been having an affair with. He left my severely-ill mother, my younger brother, and me, barely scraping by. After a long day at school, I came home to make dinner, hand-wash our dirty clothes, and attend to my mother. After she fell asleep, I stayed up until the wee hours of the night doing my homework. After a few hours of sleep, I got up to start the process all over again.
My mother was timid, and never stood up for herself when being bullied or taken advantage of. I rarely heard her complain about anything. My parents’ divorce also impacted my brother negatively—he became extremely introverted and insecure.
To protect my family, I became aggressive and combative. When others hurt my mother or infringed upon our interests, I acted like an ornery rooster and lashed out, regardless of the occasion or the feelings of the other party.
Every time I lost my temper, my mother shook her head and sighed, calling me a “dragon lady.” She lamented that I didn’t have the mannerisms or etiquette of a graceful young lady. I stuck my neck out to defend my family, yet ended up being scolded by my own mother. I felt bitter, and blamed it all on my father for being so selfish and cold-hearted. This resentment spread to include all of our relatives who turned a blind eye to our suffering. I sometimes wished we would all die together.
Although I had been introduced to Dafa cultivation at the time, I was doing poorly when it came to following the principles of “Compassion” and “Forbearance.” I was hard-headed, and believed I was right in harboring resentment, regardless of how my mother tried to convince me otherwise.
As for my bad temper, I chalked it up to my unfortunate circumstances growing up—it was a survival mechanism. My mother was chronically ill and couldn’t work. Child support from my father was never consistent, and hardly adequate. If we received any at all, the payments would stop as soon as we were on summer break.
I worked temporary and odd jobs with my mother but the little money we made barely paid for groceries. My brother and I never had new shoes or clothes—we always wore hand-me-downs from friends and relatives. We were known as the “poor kids” at school.
I decided at one point that we couldn’t live like that any longer, so I took over our finances and managed my mother’s money. I didn’t let her loan money to our relatives or give anything to help the needy. I couldn’t understand why she had to give our resources away when we didn’t have enough for ourselves. I got into heated arguments with her every time she let someone borrow money. This caused her a lot of guilt and stress. Although I was practicing Falun Dafa, I just couldn’t control my temper, nor did a have compassion for people outside of my immediate family.
Our financial situation gradually improved once I started working. I gave my mother money every month to cover our expenses, and bought her whatever she wanted. I was happy to spend money on her. Friends and family all said I was a good daughter. My uncles appreciated me for taking care of their sister.
As I made more money, I figured my selfishness and cold-heartedness, which I believed stemmed from low self-esteem, would gradually go away. I had enough to eat and could afford better clothes, so I thought I should be able to show more kindness toward others. But I didn’t realize that my being a so-called “good daughter” was just a superficial and selfish act. It reflected my deep sentiment for my mother and was not all-inclusive—I wouldn’t spend an extra penny on anyone else. I was only kind to those who had helped me in the past.
My brother and I were in our mid 20s in 2021. My mother knew I had no plans to get married and have a family, so she expressed her wish for me to help my brother with his wedding expenses and buying a home. My brother dropped out of school at a young age due to my parents’ divorce and did not have any high-demand skills. He was working in a factory, and his pay was low.
After my father remarried, he went back on his word regarding paying tuition and living expenses for my brother and me. He had also promised to cover all expenses for my brother’s wedding if he decided to get married. But he didn’t do any of it. In their divorce agreement, my father said he would give an apartment unit to my brother, but later refused to honor it. The excuse he told our relatives was that as long as his name was on the deed, he’d hold this as leverage against his children so they would have to take care of him in old age.
Dafa and Master have given me wisdom since I started practicing cultivation. For example, I had never studied art but was able to generate an income through selling drawings. This side hustle eventually grew into a profitable business that paid more than my day job. With the extra income, I upgraded all of our home appliances and bought a car.
My mother expected me to help out my brother because he struggled financially. But I failed to see it from her perspective and decided that she was being unfair, and favoring my brother. I got into a big fight with her over this.
My mother said I had become a completely different person with an inflated ego. She felt I lacked the Compassion and Forbearance of a Dafa cultivator, and had even less of a sense of responsibility as a daughter. I didn’t think I was wrong, and we became estranged.
My father’s second wife had an affair and left him and their then 8-year-old son in 2023. Feeling he had no other choice, he asked us to help take care of the boy. My mother agreed, as she saw her aging ex-husband and the innocent little boy as sentient beings who were waiting to be saved by Dafa.
I vehemently objected to this idea and got into an argument with my mother. I just wouldn’t let it go. I criticized her for not having a backbone and forgetting how my father abused her and abandoned her for another woman. I recounted every detail and brought back her most painful memories.
My mother was not moved, however. She told me about a dream she had in which Master showed her the complex predestined relationship she had with my father in their previous lives. She suggested that I study the Fa more, let go of my resentment, and treat my father and his son with kindness.
I held back my tears and told her I could never do that. However, my mother had made up her mind, and I eventually came to terms with her choosing to help. But I couldn’t truly let go of my resentment, so I focused on studying the Fa and working on myself.
My mother dropped off and picked up the child from school every day and helped him with his homework. After he fell asleep, she hand-washed his clothes so he had something to wear to school the next day.
When my mother had sickness symptoms and asked me to drop off and pick up the boy, I was distant and even hostile toward him. The next day, I had COVID 19-like symptoms with a persistent high fever and had difficulty focusing. I mocked myself for having a heart of stone.
Master chose me to be a Dafa disciple, but I didn’t enlighten to the Fa and my compassion never emerged. My stubborn selfishness and cold-heartedness formed a mountain in my heart. I had not lived up to his teachings and let Master down.
My mother experienced severe sickness symptoms in early 2024, but she insisted on taking a trip to take care of some business and fulfill a promise she had made to someone. Three days after she returned from the trip, she passed away.
I knelt in front of Master’s portrait and begged for another chance. I promised to change my ways, cultivate myself diligently, and have more compassion. I wished I could turn back time and help my mother overcome her tribulation. But Master’s eyes were red, and he looked at me worriedly.
I realized I was overly attached to my mother, but indifferent to others’ suffering. I sobbed uncontrollably and was heartbroken over my mother’s passing. Guilt and regret bore down on me, and I could hardly breathe. Every little thing from the past 18 years of cultivating together with my mother flashed back; I didn’t know how I was going to continue by myself.
Many people whom my mother had helped came to her funeral. They recounted the kindness my mother had shown them and lamented her passing. My mother’s brother, with puffy red eyes from crying, charged at my father and swore to kill him. I held onto him and wouldn’t let go, afraid that he’d really do something extreme. I told my uncle that my mother had forgiven my father. I asked him to also let go of his resentment because that’s what my mother would have wanted.
I knew the behavior my uncle exhibited was a true reflection of the hatred I still harbored in my heart. I still resented my father while mourning my mother. I wanted to take the pain away by hurting others. My demon nature tested me again and again. I then asked myself, “Are you able to let go of the love you have for your mother? Are you able to let go of the hatred you have for your father? Are you able to cultivate kindness and compassion?”
During the global time for sending righteous thoughts at midnight three days after my mother’s passing, Master showed me that she had returned to her heavenly home, and all the beings in her world were overjoyed. It was such a sacred and magnificent scene. Master helped me let go of my sentiment for my mother by showing me she was now in a much better place. Master was encouraging me not to be so grief-stricken.
My father called two months after my mother passed away and said he might be having a stroke. I took him to the hospital, and, sure enough, he was having an acute infarction in the brain. He had a thrombolytic procedure later that day and spent the night in ICU. After taking care of the admission paperwork and helping him get settled in, I notified his brothers and sisters. My aunt sobbed and called me a “poor child.” She wondered out loud why life was throwing all these things at me. I comforted her before calling my brother to figure out the logistics for taking care of my father.
I came home to take care of my half brother every night. After dropping him off at school in the morning, I went to the hospital to take care of my father. My aunt and I took turns cooking and delivering meals to him. Confined to bed, my father’s complexion was sallow and his mouth crooked. I fed him spoonfuls of porridge, which were difficult for him to swallow. He often struggled to breathe and coughed up food everywhere. I then had to clean up the mess and change his clothes.
I lost 15 pounds during the month my father was hospitalized. I was dark, thin, and exhausted. I cried into the middle of the night because I still missed my mother so much. I recited the Fa so I could readjust myself and get up the next morning ready for another long day.
Many relatives came to visit when my father was discharged from the hospital. He praised me in front of everyone, “Thanks to my daughter for taking care of me. Without her, I wouldn’t have recovered so quickly!” The neighbors applauded me and said that I was strong and kind. A friend of mine was so touched by what I had done that she started practicing Dafa as well.
Some family members suggested I ask my father to pay back all the expenses I had covered. They said this was the perfect time to get him to give up the apartment unit that should have been my brother’s. They also told me to tell my father to track down my half brother’s mother and get her to pay child support.
I didn’t do any of this because I knew I was a practitioner, and I have to treat everyone with kindness, including my father. During that time, I came across several articles on Minghui about other practitioners who shared similar experiences. I was convinced it was Master’s plan and that he was always by my side.
While cooking for my father, I cut my finger and needed three stitches, but I didn’t take the tetanus shot. The strange thing was that I never felt any pain throughout the process. Master must have endured it for me and helped me pay back the karmic debt. He spares no effort in protecting his disciples. Thank you, Master.
After my father was discharged from the hospital, I clarified the truth to him several times. I told him stories about traditional culture to inspire his kindness and also suggested that he let go of his resentment for his second wife.
When my mother used to bring up the topic of the persecution, my father got so angry that he swore to stay loyal to the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) until he died. But now, he actually listened as I explained that he shouldn’t buy into the communist regime’s slanderous propaganda and oppose Dafa. He said, “I know you [Dafa practitioners] are good. I’m not opposing you.” I believe, one day, he will understand the significance of quitting the CCP.
Maybe I’m one of those disciples who are slow in enlightening to the Fa principles and always have to learn the hard way. But Master never gave up on me. He arranged for my mother, a gentle and kind fellow practitioner, to help me on my cultivation path. After going through so much, maybe I’ve finally transformed an iron pillar into a sewing needle. How could I let Master down again? He has painstakingly arranged everything on my cultivation path and has shown me the true meaning of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance over and over again. How could I let Master’s immense compassion and guidance end up in vain?
Our spiritual practice is facing a great ordeal at the present time. Many young practitioners at Shen Yun Performing Arts are on the front line of enduring hardships and saving sentient beings. I feel ashamed. As a Dafa disciple of the Fa-rectification period, I haven’t cultivated sufficient kindness and compassion. How am I going to save those whom I’m predestined to save?
I closed my social media account, which had generated quite a bit of wealth for me. I decided to let go of my attachment to monetary gain and just focus on doing my day job well. I now use all my free time to study the Fa, do the exercises, and send righteous thoughts. I’ve also been clarifying the truth to people at work.
By studying the Fa, I’ve gained greater courage. For the longest time, I was afraid of getting attached to lust and didn’t want to get married. I was also afraid of being swayed by others’ opinions and ideologies and wanted to avoid social situations. Now, all my fear is gone, and my capacity for compassion has grown.
Master Li descended into this chaotic and degenerate world to save us. If we are judgmental and critical of ordinary people’s opinions, habits, and behaviors, does it mean our realms of awareness are not that high? Then how are we going to have adequate compassion to help save sentient beings? The answer is the Fa. The great Fa of the universe! As long as we cultivate ourselves based on the Fa, there won’t be any obstacle that we cannot overcome.
Dafa cultivation transformed me from being a resentful, selfish person, to someone who is happy to endure hardship and treats others with kindness. I’ve let go of my resentment toward my father, and my desire for material gain. I’ve also relinquished my sentiment for my mother, and treat everyone with compassion.
I love my father from the bottom of my heart, for he has provided me with the opportunity to temper myself, and helped me achieve a more righteous mindset. As I grew and matured in Dafa, I became gentle, strong, and tolerant. I’m more understanding of everyone around me, and am able to see the good in each and every person.
I cherish the opportunity to save those predestined people I meet with kind actions and a kind heart.
My thanks to Master! My thanks to Dafa!
I ask fellow practitioners to please kindly point out anything that is not aligned with the Fa.