(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 2007. Throughout my cultivation, I experienced many ups and downs, challenges, and miracles. I am grateful to Master for taking me as his disciple and for all the sacrifices he made for me.
I did not have a beautiful childhood. I was shy, full of fear, and had to endure a lot of suffering. I was born in Switzerland. When I was about six years old, I lived with a Swiss foster family for almost four years, so I felt I was Swiss.
My childhood and then my marriage, which was even more demanding, had a great impact on me. The pressure was something I endured constantly until I was 40 years old. Most of the time I didn’t know what was right or wrong, I just obeyed.
After I started practicing Falun Dafa, I gradually had the courage to trust myself, and I began letting go of my fear. But it was a very long process. I did the three things diligently after I began practicing Falun Dafa, and my life changed.
My close family members were opposed to my practicing Falun Dafa because they felt it was foreign. I encouraged them to go to the practice site so they could understand what Falun Dafa is, see Shen Yun when it was in Turkey, and come to activities that introduce Falun Dafa. Although they came, they didn’t change their minds. The biggest obstacle was their beliefs and prejudices. But my children and parents signed the petitions to stop the persecution against Falun Dafa in China, and that made me happy.
I knew that Falun Dafa was the path I had been longing for, for many years. Whether it was participating in events, group Fa study, or doing the exercises with other practitioners, nothing could stop me.
Since obtaining the Fa, it has been very important for me to participate in group Fa study and exercise. I’ve coordinated an exercise site for many years and experienced ups and downs.
I’m often alone at the exercise site or sometimes there are only two of us. I was very sad. I wondered if there was any point in continuing the practice site. When I and another practitioner finished the fifth exercise, I noticed a group of men in suits walking around the park which was being renovated. I saw the mayor, and when he saw us he said, “Oh, they’re even doing yoga here.” The other practitioner gave him a leaflet about Falun Dafa.
I realized this was encouragement from Master and that this practice site should continue. Now I just go to the practice site and I’m no longer concerned about how many people are there. As to why, or whether it’s worth going, yes, it is. Some people take leaflets, others come a few times and learn the exercises, or pass by and approve of what I’m doing. Just being able to do the exercises outdoors motivates me.
Our group Fa study is about two hours away. There have been times over the years when I was not motivated and did not value it. I now realize that obstacles arise as soon as you don’t appreciate it or don’t want to do it anymore. After I realized this I decided to become motivated again.
I said that if the coordinators couldn’t attend the meeting, I would take responsibility and attend regularly so our group Fa study wouldn’t be interrupted. We agreed that if three practitioners came we would read. The day before the group Fa study recently, I asked who was coming and was told that three practitioners were coming. The day we were supposed to meet one practitioner had illness symptoms and couldn’t come.
When there were only two of us, I suddenly understood: I realized it didn’t matter how many people attended—this was a human concept and we should hold group Fa study no matter how many people came. Many lives in other dimensions are waiting for us to read so they can listen to the Fa. In the past I would have been angry, thinking that it wasn’t worth it for me to travel such a long way. After I had this understanding I was happy and grateful to Master for enlightening me.
I had problems with my mother since I was a child and we often argued. She was very domineering and strict with me. I lived with her for a few years because her health was bad. Her shortness of breath gradually got worse. During this time I often traveled abroad to help with Shen Yun. She was eventually admitted to the intensive care unit, but her condition did not improve and I could only see her twice a week for about five minutes.
One day I didn’t get to see my mother because I gave my visiting rights to her brother. A few days later she was intubated and she was no longer able to speak. She was unconscious.
The next time it was visiting day I felt that it might be the last time I would see her. My uncle came, but this time I insisted on seeing her. When I walked into the room I was surprised that her eyes were open. I was so happy that tears streamed down my face. I spoke to her sincerely from my heart and for the first time, I felt a warm connection between us. I was sure Master arranged for my mother to be conscious. Thank you, Master! She died two days later.
While my mother was hospitalized, I had to listen to heavy accusations from her nephew, brother, sister-in-law and other family members. They accused me of dragging my mother to her death. They said the hospital wasn’t good and I should have her transferred to another hospital. If I were an ordinary person, I wouldn’t have put up with their accusations, because these people wronged me since childhood. But as a practitioner, I endured everything without argument, and with compassion and tolerance. I realized this was an opportunity to settle my karmic debts.
About 10 days after my mother died I was fortunate to continue helping with Shen Yun.
I’m grateful for Master’s arrangement! I was worried about my mother and I didn’t know if I’d be able to continue helping Shen Yun. Once again I worried in vain. If we have a firm belief in the Fa and Master, we don’t have to worry about anything, everything will happen as it should. We just need is follow the natural flow.
It wasn’t easy for my children after my husband and I divorced. Although they weren’t small, my twin boys, who were 15 at the time, and my older son, who was 20, were very affected and it took them a long time to overcome their negative thoughts and their anger towards me.
This was a very sad and exhausting time for me. I felt frustrated and angry that they couldn’t empathize with me, even though they knew their father was a very hard person. Despite their prejudices towards the Fa, I always tried to be patient, loving, and a helpful and good mother. As the years went by, our relationship improved.
In 2016, after much deliberation, I decided to get married. The reason for the long deliberation was my children. In addition, my non-Turkish husband lived in Switzerland with his 85-year-old mother. My mother was still alive and lived in Istanbul, and I was worried about her.
My sons were a big problem because I knew they would never accept my marriage and would stop communicating with me if they found out. So I decided not to tell them or my mother. This went on for eight years.
My children learned I was married a month after my mother passed away. I was in Switzerland and it was May 5. Shortly before I sent righteous thoughts, one of my sons texted me that he never wanted to see me again. All these years I’d been trying to prepare myself for this, but after I read this, tears came to my eyes. My heart ached and I wept as I sent righteous thoughts. It was a heavy test for me. I had a two-year-old grandson whom I loved very much. Suddenly the seven people I was closest to - my three sons, two daughters-in-law, grandson, and my recently deceased mother - were out of my life.
When I returned to Istanbul I struggled with grief for two months. There wasn’t a day I didn’t cry. The pain in my heart just would not go away. I asked Master for help. I knew that only Falun Dafa could help me get rid of this pain. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I just wanted to be alone and focus on studying the Fa, doing the exercises, and sending righteous thoughts. But it wasn’t easy, because I felt depressed and wanted to sleep all the time.
About two months later I participated in an activity with another practitioner. I told him beforehand that I wasn’t sure because I had serious problems with my right knee. But I went so that he wouldn’t have to go alone. Nevertheless, the activity went very well. We were both very happy and felt Master’s full support.
I argued with the other practitioner that day. When he accused me of the same thing my son did, I realized that Master was giving me a hint. For us practitioners, nothing is a coincidence.
His words, “The world doesn’t revolve around you,” helped snap me out of my sadness and depression. I see things from a practitioner’s point of view, but I can’t let go of my emotions. I need to think about the practitioners in China, they are the ones who are really suffering. As soon as I remembered this I felt deeply ashamed of myself.
I participated in a book fair in Ankara. It was very successful, and we were able to introduce Falun Dafa and explain the truth to many people. Because we were able to reach so many people, my heart was filled with the Fa, not bitterness. And again, a layer of suffering disappeared. An experienced practitioner shared with me an insight about my children. He gave me an example of Shakyamuni who gave up everything in order to cultivate: fame, wealth, parents, his wife and son. There must be a reason why I’m experiencing this suffering. Obsessions, emptiness, cultivating and paying off my karmic debt... it could be anything.
Master said,
“You will be made to abandon all those attachments that you cannot give up among everyday people. As long as you have them, all of those attachments must be removed in different environments. You will be made to stumble, whereby you will become enlightened to the Tao. This is how you go through cultivation.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
I sometimes ask myself why the seven people I was closest to were no longer in my life. I haven’t yet found the answer. I probably won’t fully understand until I eliminate my feelings for them. I’m doing my best to get over this difficult ordeal as soon as possible. I know that only the Fa can help me and ease my suffering. The key is to study the Fa even more and to help Master save lives in every way possible.
Because of my current situation, I feel practitioners should be very careful when giving advice to other practitioners who are in difficult situations. Often our unintentional words or actions can make the situation worse. For example, talking smugly without realizing it, giving examples of how a situation can be dealt with quickly, insinuating that you need to get over it now, or asking if, as a practitioner, you look inward or that the situation is not as difficult as they think, etc. These examples may be true, but may actually complicate the situation and instead of helping, may play the opposite role.
I think it’s very important to be patient and listen to the practitioner. There is no formula when we want to help a practitioner, but the important thing is to listen to them with a sincere heart and patience. Then it is actually quite easy to understand what he or she needs, i.e. Fa study, rest, advice, sending forth righteous thoughts etc. It’s important to find the right words to motivate a struggling practitioner. We are all Master’s disciples and we make up one body. In fact, when we help a practitioner in a real sense, with no human concepts, we must remember that we are also helping ourselves.
Thank you, honorable Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!