(Minghui.org) Greetings, respected Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
I began practicing Falun Dafa in March 1997. Despite my slackening off and sometimes not being diligent Master has never given up on me. He always carefully safeguards and enlightens me, while also testing and tempering me through numerous challenges. I gradually went from having gratitude as an ordinary person to deepening my understanding of Dafa through trials and tribulations, self-reflection, and insights about cultivation. This process has been long, arduous, and unforgettable. Only recently, during some major tribulations, have I truly understood the essence of cultivation. I finally understood how to cultivate, learned to look inward, and overcame many obstacles, including a life-and-death challenge. Fellow practitioners encouraged me to write about my recent experience.
When the COVID pandemic worsened in 2021, my heart was moved, and I began to feel unwell. In March 2022, one evening after making truth-clarification phone calls to China, I experienced tremendous chest pain. I sent righteous thoughts for an hour, but it didn’t go away. I thought, “Could it be a heart attack? This may be serious.” I asked my daughter to take me to a hospital for a check-up. This one human thought caused a life-threatening ordeal!
The doctor conducted a comprehensive examination, and after three or four hours, he gave me a thumbs-up and said, “Very good.” However, I was still in pain. I suddenly realized that Master was enlightening me through the doctor’s words: “You’re not sick; it’s all an illusion.” I told my daughter, “Let’s go home!”
But how could I get through the night? I couldn’t sleep! I couldn’t lie down, because wherever my body touched, it felt like I was being stabbed with needles. My skin and flesh were burning with pain, and every bone and muscle ached. I couldn’t sit or stand still.
I had the thought: “Study the Fa! Study the Fa!” I said, “Yes! Only Dafa can save me!” I listened to Master’s lectures and the pain eased. I listened to four lectures, and my mind was clear. The pain also lessened when I did the exercises.
I slept less than two hours each night and I couldn’t eat, but miraculously, after two o’clock every afternoon, the pain completely disappeared until around ten thirty at night. I thought, “When I’m not in pain, I can use the time to exchange insights on the Fa with practitioners in my family.”
I continued to make phone calls on the platform as usual, so the pain didn’t affect my doing the three things. I understood that this was a test arranged by Master to see if I would continue to cultivate. As long as I can do the three things, I’m still a cultivator! Even if I pass away, I’m still walking the divine path. I let go of my notions completely.
I remembered that Master said,
“Qigong is cultivation and something supernormal, as opposed to everyday people’s physical exercises. One must focus on xinxing in order to cure illnesses and increase gong.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
I understood that this was an opportunity to improve my xinxing. I asked the practitioners in my family to help me by pointing out what was wrong with my xinxing. I deeply reflected and found that I still had resentment in my heart. When I told my family about it, they said, “That was decades ago, and the person passed away. Why are you holding onto the grudge?”
I thought, that’s right! I let go of that attachment. I delved deeper: When others treat you unfairly and you feel hurt, doesn’t that mean you’re attached to protecting yourself? Isn’t this rooted in self-interest and selfishness? I have a deep-rooted desire to protect my own interests. This is a fundamental attachment, and if I don’t eliminate it, it will lead to resentment towards other people or situations. I definitely must dig it out by the roots!
Many practitioners knew I was going through a major test and shared their thoughts with me. Some said, “You need to send forth strong righteous thoughts to eliminate the interference.” Others said, “Don’t take the sensations in your body seriously; they are illusions. You should negate them and continue doing what you need to do.” I sent righteous thoughts around ten o’clock the following night. I also recited Master’s teachings on benevolent solutions. I remembered Master’s words:
“The truth is that some of you have reincarnated time and time again over the course of history, and while you were in human society, lost in delusion, you might very well have signed some kind of pact with the old forces, like for example, “During the Fa-rectification I will do such and such or take such and such path on a certain day.”” ( “Fa Teaching Given at the 2002 Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World Volume II )
I said: “Old forces, if I ever made any agreements with you in the past, I now solemnly declare that they are null and void! I’m Master Li Hongzhi’s disciple, and everything in my life is arranged by Master. I completely sever any ties with you!”
That night, I dreamed I saw a very formal document which had a watermark. There were several bold Chinese characters, each one seemed familiar, but I couldn’t understand their combined meaning. Puzzled, I heard a voice saying in English: “Free, free,” but I didn’t understand English. When I asked my daughter she told me it meant “Freedom.” I suddenly understood: Any past agreements I made were dissolved, and I was free!
However, the pain in my body did not diminish. I thought, even though it said I was free; the old forces wouldn’t let me go so easily; debts must be repaid! I studied the Fa, did the exercises, and sent righteous thoughts every day. I found my attachments, dissolved the pacts, and earnestly did the three things well.
My physical condition improved. After three weeks, I could gradually lie down and sleep for over an hour, and the pain also began to lessen. This situation went on for about twenty days; I couldn’t eat and could only drink thin porridge. I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t walk. I lost more than twenty pounds. Two months later, I was able to eat and sleep normally, and my weight gradually increased.
Looking back, it was Dafa that saved me, and I know Master bore most of the pain.
Why did this drag on for so long? Looking back, it’s due to my intertwining human and divine thoughts. Human attachments and various worldly views persist over our many lifetimes. Because I didn’t truly eliminate them, they led to this manifestation of illness.
For instance, when I felt dizzy or my arm hurt, I thought, “Maybe I have spondylosis exacerbated by long hours at the computer.” Or when my legs hurt or felt heavy, I’d remember that some people say, “Aging starts with the legs.” I realized I wasn’t aligning myself with the Fa. I immediately rejected it! Wasn’t I asking for this? After going through this tribulation I understood: My heart wasn’t stable. If my cultivation constantly fluctuated like this, I would endure repeated tribulations.
Master said in “Expounding on the Fa”:
“Whenever a tribulation comes, you do not see it with the side of your original nature but view it completely with your human side. Evil demons then capitalize on this point and inflict endless interference and damage, leaving students in long-term tribulations.” (“Expounding on the Fa,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
Master also said:
“After all, a cultivator is not an ordinary human. So why doesn’t the side of you that is your original nature rectify the Fa?” (“Expounding on the Fa,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
I thought: why doesn’t my divine side control my main consciousness? Why am I always influenced by human thoughts? The fundamental reason is that I haven’t studied the Fa diligently. I began memorizing the Fa, and I’ve almost finished memorizing Zhuan Falun twice. I’ve also memorized some recent lectures, as well as the poems in Hong Yin. I now feel that my first thought when faced with a problem is on the Fa, and I use divine thoughts to handle issues.
After reflecting on the challenges I’ve faced, I’ve summarized a few insights I want to share with you.
1) Studying the Fa is crucial. Using the Fa to enrich our thoughts and achieving righteous thoughts in every moment enables us to easily overcome challenges.
2) Understanding that Dafa disciples in the Fa-rectification period are divine, not human. We should constantly use divine thoughts and not human thoughts when we consider issues.
However, lifetime after lifetime living among humans, we developed various attachments and notions. Feeling hungry prompts us to eat, feeling cold prompts us to wear clothes, feeling tired prompts us to sleep. We seek what we feel is good and comfortable and avoid what’s dangerous— these have all become habits. In essence, this is being human! We are Dafa disciples in the Fa-rectification period, divine beings who have already been positioned by Master. We are not cultivating as individuals—only after cultivation is achieved do we become divine. Master said:
“And therefore I, your master, removed the names of all Dafa disciples from the ledgers of the Three Realms, of the Human Realm, of the Netherworld, and even of Hell. The lives of Dafa disciples have ever since been in Dafa’s hands only, and freed from reincarnation; even those with sins are no longer bound for Hell.” (“Dafa Spiritual Practice Is Serious”)
My understanding is: This means that the register of life and death which is overseen by the King of Hell, contains no names of Dafa disciples. Being beyond the Three Realms – isn’t that divine? How can gods get sick? All these feelings are illusions caused by human thoughts. After I understood this from my heart, I was able to break through this level. Therefore, the illusion of illness tests our character and the extent of our faith in Master and the teachings. If you lack belief and perceive it as an illness, you are actually asking for it.
Of course, sometimes it may be a reaction when energy is moving around in our bodies, so isn’t that a good thing?
3) Master uses these tribulations to elevate our xinxing
How does this elevation occur? Master mentioned in Zhuan Falun:
“Without knowing the Fa at high levels, one cannot cultivate. Without cultivating one’s inner self and one’s xinxing, one cannot increase gong. These are the two reasons.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
I understand that studying the teachings and looking within are two ways Master gave us to help elevate our character and overcome tribulations. When we study the Fa, we should truly focus so we can internalize what Master says. We should set aside all distractions, and understand every sentence.
Memorizing the Fa is a good because whenever problems arise, the teachings show us how to handle them. Our human thoughts are suppressed and cannot disturb us. Regarding looking within, all Dafa disciples know about it. However, often we only identify general issues like harboring resentment, jealousy, or showing off, which is only the surface manifestation of a deeper attachment.
It’s essential to delve deeper, and find the origin, and dig it up from the roots. Sometimes, I feel that I’ve let go of these attachments, but the fundamental attachment is still deeply hidden. Human emotions and desires are manifestations of attachments; whenever there are emotional fluctuations, we should grasp them and think about the attachments causing them—then we can eliminate them.
4) Doing the exercises is a means to transform one’s benti (body).
When we experience illness symptoms it’s crucial to do the exercises as much as possible. It’s not just about practicing more, but more importantly, practicing without wandering thoughts.
Another thing is that the movements when we do the exercises should be as correct as possible, and one must not fall asleep when meditating. When my illness was severe, I also encountered this situation. I couldn’t control myself because I couldn’t endure the pain and persist in doing the exercises properly. Master said in Zhuan Falun:
“However, you should not fall asleep or lose consciousness, as in that case good things might be practiced by someone else.” (Lecture Eight, Zhuan Falun)
It’s a waste of time if we don’t do the exercises correctly. After realizing the seriousness of this, I thought that this was due to evil factors interfering. I strengthened my righteous thoughts to eliminate these disturbances and I asked Master to strengthen me. I reminded myself to maintain a clear consciousness when I practice the exercises.
I must strive to do the exercise movements correctly! Master saw my determination, so from then on, I no longer practiced in an unconscious state. Even if my arms ache, I try my best to complete the exercises correctly.
When I meditated, I couldn’t lift my right arm and I could only raise it to knee level and I could only endure for one minute. But when I became determined to do it properly, my arm didn’t ache as much. I could then nearly align my forearm properly and I could endure for ten minutes. I was moved to tears; Master must have seen my determination and helped me bear the pain. Since that day, my exercise movements have been correct, and I no longer fall asleep.
These trials and tribulations are steps to heaven. Master guides me and bears the majority of my hardships, holds my hand and leads me upward. As long as my heart and thoughts are righteous, I can surely improve. How fortunate I am to live in this era, with Master’s fashen protecting me. I must cherish this historic opportunity, treasure everything I have, cultivate myself well, fulfill my vows, save sentient beings, and return home with Master!
I bow in gratitude to Master for his salvation and boundless blessings!
Thank you, fellow practitioners! Heshi.
(Presented at the 2024 Canada Fa Conference)