(Minghui.org) I have practiced Falun Dafa for 20-plus years. Tribulations have tested my endurance, especially during the most difficult times. But if I can recall that I’m a practitioner and use the standards of the Fa to view the situation, I could easily break through them.
A fellow practitioner, Ms. Lin, came to my home to pick up truth-clarification materials at a set time every week. When she saw that I had to carry a lot of materials to hand out, she said she knew how to sew and offered to buy some nice denim fabric to make bags that were low cost and would be convenient for me to use.
I took her up on her offer because it was inconvenient for me to carry an extra bag for my keys and wallet. So I also used the denim bag for my day-to-day use, not just only for carrying truth-clarification materials. When I insisted on paying her to cover the cost, she declined. She also made me a few more bags. I used one and gave the rest to other practitioners.
Soon afterward, however, accusations and harsh words reached my ears. The issue of my accepting the handmade bag began to cause quite a big stir and some practitioners even questioned whether I was still qualified to be an assistant.
The material production centers in our area were funded by a few practitioners who were well off. I transferred donations through a single point of contact to our centers in other areas. I was very strict in managing the funds. Until now, I have not had any funding issues. So when this rumor spread, I felt that I was framed and wronged.
On our cultivation path, how could there be anything accidental, especially with this kind of issue? But I didn’t look within for what was wrong on my part. Instead, I used my attachments to look at it. I thought: I’ve never used any production center money for my own purposes. In fact, I paid for some equipment repair costs and commuting costs out of my own pocket. While thinking back about the bag situation, I recalled that I took out money and insisted on paying her, and even tried to put it into her pocket. The two of us went back and forth like this for a while.
I then approached her again and asked that she let me pay, but she still refused. It was as if what happened had nothing to do with her. So I donated that amount of money to the material production center and felt as if I had settled the matter. I thought the rumors would automatically disappear. However, I still didn’t look inward and only wondered why this happened. Even though I didn’t say anything, deep down, I looked down on those who helped spread the rumor. I thought: Decent people wouldn’t do such a thing.
Gradually, this bag controversy had formed a substance in me. Without realizing it, I wanted to clear up the controversy to validate my innocence, and I didn’t understand why people kept passing on harsh words to me. Whenever I heard about it, I began to explain what happened, as opposed to looking inward. I didn’t want to think about which attachment this incident targeted. After a couple of months, a larger xinxing test occurred.
I went to Ms. Lin’s home. She looked unhappy, and her tone was a bit strange. In the end, she said, “Can you please pay me for the bags I made?” I was dumbfounded and replied, “I tried to pay you multiple times, but you refused, so I donated the money to the material production centers.”
She became a bit upset, “Who asked you to donate it to those centers? I did not. Can you please give me the money?” I felt insulted but went ahead and paid her. She then seemed quite pleased. But I found myself thinking: What kind of person is she?! I suppressed my feelings and only showed a positive attitude, saying: “Auntie, it’s settled now, we can resume getting along as usual.” She exclaimed: “Yes, let’s work well with one another!”
The next day, I went to her house as usual. She looked a little embarrassed and said she regretted accepting my money and wanted to return it to me. This time, I was calm and comforted her, saying, “Auntie, if something like this happened between regular people, they would have had a falling out and never again get along. But as practitioners, we shouldn’t be like that. We’ll continue to work with each other based on the Fa.”
When it got to this stage, I felt as if my heart was worn down, as opposed to looking inward to rectify the situation. I still felt that I was in a superior position by not arguing with her. But this test gradually escalated to test my xinxing.
If I had managed to use the standards for a practitioner and looked within for my own shortcomings in the beginning, the test wouldn’t have dragged on. The story around the denim bags grew into a never-ending drama.
I continued to interact with her as before. For example, I still delivered amulets, currency with truth-clarification messages, and informational materials to her. The more I did so, however, the more guilty she felt.
I came to understand that in this tribulation, the practitioners who were involved each played a role. There was a lead role, supporting role, and director. It was then that I realized the issue resided with me. I was the one who didn’t behave according to Dafa’s high standards to maintain my xinxing. If I had done this in the first place and not accepted the gifts from her, would this issue have even started?
The things that happen among practitioners must have something to do with one’s cultivation. In reflecting about the details of the whole incident, I realized that if I had been calm, understanding, and not caused harm to any practitioner I interacted with, such a thing would not have happened. It was all my fault.
No matter what, I wouldn’t allow this incident to separate the two of us. Since then, Ms. Lin has had a lot of trust in me and nothing else embarrassing has happened between us. When I went out to clarify the truth to people face to face, I often ran into her at the market or on the street. No matter how busy we were, we’d stop to say hello and encourage each other.
I ran into more turmoil last year. Because I used another practitioner’s computer, it caused her daughter to complain about me. One practitioner kindly reminded me to deal with it properly and walk on my cultivation path righteously, so as not to cause any gaps among practitioners.
Because this happened among practitioners that I’ve known for at least 17 years, my heart was moved. As a result, I lost sleep over it. I was extremely sad in thinking back about our past interactions and the fact that since she bought the computer, she wasn’t using it at all. At the time, I wanted the convenience of using two computers, so I said to her, “If you don’t use your computer, can I borrow it?” She gladly agreed and said, “Why don’t you put it to good use!”
I solely used this computer for Dafa projects. That’s one reason why I was moved. Another reason was that I had strong sentimentality towards this practitioner’s daughter. She was my student, and I liked her a lot and took good care of her. So her attitude hurt me. Our teacher-student relationship had always been harmonious and was a sacred bond; why did we suddenly turn against each other? I couldn’t accept it.
After this incident, my human thoughts and notions popped up. I thought to myself: I didn’t treat this computer as my own property. Besides, your child took extracurricular classes from me, and I charged less than other students. I charged you 3,000 yuan less for every two months of tutoring. How much did that save you in tutoring costs over the course of three years in high school? How many computers could I have bought with that amount of money? I felt it was unfair and only thought about this issue with a human heart.
I tossed and turned and couldn’t sleep. I felt both my body and soul were wounded. I was stuck in the world of human affairs, feeling aggrieved by my attachments and sentimentality. Meanwhile, I also thought: I’m a practitioner, and I shouldn’t go against the principles of cultivation, I must follow Master Li’s teachings. I even repeatedly recited some relevant passages from the Fa. I wanted to quickly snap out of that sentimentality, as well as get rid of my other attachments.
I then decided to pay that practitioner for the computer. But when I was about to do it, my heart was moved again, I thought: This computer was purchased eight years ago. When I pay her, should I drop a hint that I don’t owe her? After all, she is the one who owes me thousands of yuan for tutoring.
I thought about it over and over again. At times, I had righteous thoughts. My attachments then gained the upper hand at other times. Another thought popped up: It’s such an old computer, is it worth that much? Afterward, the computer broke and wouldn’t start. So I planned to buy a new one.
I realized it was my issue. I was able to calm down and spoke to the computer: “It was my unbalanced heart that made you unable to function well. I was wrong.” I knew I had to immediately eliminate every bad thought. I shouldn’t affect the sacred predestined relationship between me and another practitioner. Among practitioners, there shouldn’t be an issue of owing someone something, but only understanding and tolerating each other as one body. With that thought, I suddenly felt that my body was light. Right then, the computer went back to normal. I didn’t have to buy a new computer!
In thinking about our sacred predestined relationship, I felt inexplicably touched. I shouldn’t resent another practitioner. Soon after, I gave her the money and was genuinely happy about it. I knew it must be done this way, unconditionally paying her for the computer. When I did so, I wasn’t the least bit disturbed. Instead of smiling on the outside, but unable to let go of it on the inside, I dealt with the matter without causing a ripple. Our relationship became harmonious!
I also realized these two conflicts were caused by the fact that I used other people’s items for free. It must have something to do with my attachment to self-interest. Did I like to take advantage of others and do things my own way? Even if I didn’t have this intention, I must handle things correctly in the future.
Cultivation has no conditions. Doing the right thing while working on Dafa projects is also unconditional. My working on a truth-clarification project doesn’t mean other practitioners have to make selfless contributions to work with me. There’s no such thing. Everything we do is voluntary. We are all fellow practitioners. Why should I use her computer for free? I felt that I didn’t consider things carefully in the first place.
There have been many heart-wrenching storms like these on my path of cultivation. As long as one can unconditionally cultivate and look inward, conflicts and disputes can be quickly resolved. The key is whether one can truly look inward, rather than focusing on who is right or wrong.
When I was preparing to write about these conflicts, I repeatedly thought about why I wanted to submit this article. What was my standpoint? After allowing my thoughts to settle down, I picked up the pen and started writing. I was viewing these issues as a cultivator. I wanted to share the changes that the magic tool of “looking inward” brought to me as a cultivator.
From the start of my writing this sharing to finishing it, my heart was continuously cleansed and purified by the Fa principle of looking inward. It was truly sacred! Whenever I found there were hidden attachments in my writing, I began to correct them. When I finished, my heart felt so bright. It was if I was cleansed from head to toe!
I was surrounded by a compassionate, peaceful energy field. My extreme thoughts were diminishing and ultimately being dissolved. I deeply experienced the beauty of looking inward!
Empowered by compassionate Master, I will keep using this Fa tool of “looking inward” to cultivate myself solidly. I’m getting more mature. I went from being narrow-minded to being tolerant. I will continue to walk more steadily on my path of cultivation.