(Minghui.org) I was unlawfully arrested and sentenced to two years in prison for distributing information about the spiritual discipline of Falun Dafa during the pandemic. While in prison, I refused to yield to their tactics to get me to give up my faith and used every opportunity to tell the prison guards and inmates the facts about Falun Dafa. Many of them agreed to quit their memberships in the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its affiliated organizations.
One month before my release, the prison administration bureau brought two police officers from over 1,000 kilometers (600 miles) away to “transform” me. In the first 20 days, they played videos that slandered Falun Dafa and its founder, Master Li Hongzhi. I refused to watch the videos and instead repeatedly told the officers the facts about Falun Dafa and cleared up the lies spread by the CCP.
About a week before my release, I was pressured to sign the “three statements” renouncing Dafa. They said that they had come a long way, and if I refused to sign the statements, it would be difficult for them to report back to their superiors. “Since you are all good people, you should be considerate of us, too,” they said to me.
They knew that I would never give up Dafa cultivation or say anything against Master Li, so they removed all such content from the statements, and I ended up signing them.
After my release, I told other practitioners what I did, and they all said that I should make a solemn declaration on Minghui.org to make those statements null and void.
I didn’t take their advice seriously at the time, thinking that I was doing the three things required of Dafa disciples while in jail, and I hadn’t done anything to let Master or Dafa down—it was no big deal.
However, when I returned home, I was unable to sit in the full lotus position to meditate, and even the half-lotus position was unbearably painful. I thought it was because I had not done the exercises while I was in jail, and all would be fine eventually.
One month later, I still had trouble sitting in the lotus position, and even sitting in the half-lotus position was very painful. I felt apprehensive and sad, thinking: “When will I be able to sit in the lotus position like I had in the past”?
I talked with a practitioner in my hometown and asked her if I should write a solemn declaration to nullify the statements I signed while in jail. She spoke with a few other practitioners, and they all felt I should write the declaration. I agreed to do so.
A few days later, when I was doing the exercises in the morning, I was able to sit in the full lotus position. To my great surprise, I did it without difficulty and meditated for 45 minutes. I was so happy that tears ran down my face. My husband was also surprised that things changed so quickly.
As it turned out, when practitioners in my hometown learned that I did not have access to Minghui.org, they drafted a solemn declaration based on what I wanted to say and submitted it to the website on my behalf. The day I regained my ability to sit in the full lotus position was the day my declaration was published on Minghui.org.
I was really shocked and realized that cultivation is indeed very serious. It is just as Master told us:
“We’d say that a good or bad outcome comes from one thought. The difference in one thought leads to different results.” (Lecture four, Zhuan Falun)
I could now see where I had gone wrong. I failed to realize the big mistake I made when I signed the statements, and I even thought I was doing quite well while in jail. I began to look within seriously and found I had a number of attachments.
Although I clarified the truth to the two police officers, I only told them the benefits of Falun Dafa and the positive changes I experienced. I didn’t mention the vicious nature of the CCP or the importance of quitting the CCP and its organizations. I was worried that if I talked about those things, they might react negatively and it would not be good for me or my release.
That is, due to my fear, I failed to talk thoroughly with the police officers about Falun Dafa and the persecution. As a result, I failed to save them and allowed them to commit a crime against Dafa. At the same time, I also left a shameful stain on my cultivation.
While I was in prison, the guards often said that if I refused to stop practicing Falun Dafa and didn’t write the “three statements,” even if I was released, the local community administration and the police officers would come to my home to “check on me.”
What they said stirred up my human notions. Thinking my incarceration had already brought my family a lot of pain, I didn’t want to cause them any more anxiety or pressure.
Now, I realize that my thinking was not righteous. It was the vicious CCP, not me, that caused pain and harm to my family. In fact, my unrighteous thoughts at that time had acknowledged the old forces’ arrangements, who didn’t want me to succeed in cultivation, and I had been fooled by their tricks.
Although I was doing the three things required of Dafa practitioners while I was in prison, I did not do them with pure righteous thoughts and dignity. Sometimes, I used tricks to avoid punishment.
For example, instead of refusing to sing the “red songs” (songs that praised the CCP), I went along with the request, even though I only opened my mouth and silently chanted, “Falun Dafa is good. Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.”
In order to stop the team leader from reporting me to the prison guards, I used some everyday people’s ways to please her instead of helping her understand the facts about Falun Dafa so that she would protect Dafa practitioners out of kindness towards them and the Fa.
Because I refused to give up Falun Dafa, I was often forced to stand for long hours or to work night shifts. I was not allowed to make phone calls to my home or buy snacks. Little by little, I developed a fear of hardship. Even though I pulled through each time, I still held a strong attachment to comfort.
Master told us to,“Let joy be found in hardship,” (“Tempering the Will”, Hong Yin)
But I didn’t want to bear hardship and sought comfort instead. As a result, the old forces took advantage of my strong desire to get out of prison and go home.
I tried to cover up my mistake of writing the “three statements” by telling others how I clarified the truth to people while in jail. I also tried to make excuses for my attachments to fear and comfort. I made a point of appearing to be firm on the surface to cover up my lack of righteous thinking.
The truth is that it is Master who is saving people, and all I did was a bit of talking. It is Master who gave me an opportunity to accumulate virtue. When other practitioners pointed out my shortcomings, I tried to find excuses in order to save face instead of accepting what they said and looking within.
Through this lesson, I realized the seriousness of cultivation. As a cultivator, every thought is important. Our compassionate Master used the mouth of another practitioner to urge me to write a solemn declaration so I could start practicing cultivation again. However, I failed to correct myself in time and tried to find excuses for my attachments and behavior.
Master did not give up on me and arranged for other practitioners to help me draft a statement saying I would continue to cultivate in Dafa. I am deeply grateful to our compassionate Master for taking good care of me all this time.
I am determined to be more and more diligent on the path of cultivation, do the three things well, fulfill my historic mission, and return with Master upon reaching consummation.
I would also like to remind the practitioners who have had similar experiences to take solemn declarations seriously. This is an opportunity given by Master so that we can continue our cultivation. It is also a way to deny the arrangements of the old forces.
Please kindly point out anything in my sharing that is not in accordance with the Fa.