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Changing My Resentful and Overbearing Nature

Feb. 2, 2024 |   By a Falun Dafa practitioner in China

(Minghui.org) I gambled, swore, and fought with others from a young age. People avoided me and walked the other way when they saw me. The villagers used to tell their children, “I’m going to tell him -- referring to me -- that you aren’t behaving, and I’ll take you to his house if you keep misbehaving.” The children would immediately stop misbehaving. Both the young and the old were afraid of me; my reputation was worse than that of the local legendary monster.

My wife got ill and underwent two neck lymphoma operations with no improvement. The doctors gave up on her. She then learned Falun Dafa, and she recovered from her illness. It was incredible! We both became practitioners in 2014.

Although I became a practitioner and improved a lot, I still had not gotten rid of my deeply rooted attachments. I was domineering and got upset when things didn’t go my way.

A few days ago, my wife and I visited a couple who are both practitioners. The husband said, “I want to build a simple temporary house, and I asked Alan -- another practitioner -- what is the most cost effective way to build it...” I was furious when I heard this, and said, “Alan? What does he know?” I didn’t realize I had preconceived notions about Alan.

The husband continued, “I’d like to build it this way...” I became anxious and said, “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Let me find someone to help you...” My attitude and tone of voice were harsh, forceful, and mixed with the attachment of “looking down on others.” His wife made a comment, “We should cultivate our speech and shouldn’t act too forceful.” I realized I wasn’t being kind, but I didn’t admit to it because I wanted to save face.

On our way home, my wife said I was overbearing, unkind, and looked down on others. I knew I was wrong and thought, “I want to improve, and I will treat others with kindness from now on.”

I drove the truck to deliver goods a few days later, and my wife came with me. On the way back, my company texted an image of the “vehicle inspection procedures.” My wife reminded me, “Make sure you keep it and don’t delete it.” I thought she was belittling me and got upset right away, so I screamed at her, “You think I’m a three-year-old? Am I that dumb...” My wife replied, “That’s not what I meant. You like to delete things right away, and I was afraid you might delete something important.” I didn’t budge and insisted, “No, you meant it that way...”

She was speechless and stopped talking for the rest of the trip. I was still angry and thought, “You obviously looked down on me. Now you’re angry and won’t talk to me?!” Then something suddenly went wrong, and one side of my body was in pain and felt numb.

My wife came home in the evening after group Fa study, and didn’t say a word while making and eating dinner. I got even more upset and said to her when we went to bed, “You’re still angry at me. Now one side of my body hurts, and I can’t move my limbs...” I went on with several harsh accusations.

She replied, “I’m not angry at you. I don’t even dare to talk to you now. I hope you can calm down and look inward. You are constantly complaining about this and that, and that no one is better than you. Your not feeling well is a reminder that you should find your flaws.”

Her words woke me up. I had misunderstood her, and I didn’t behave as a practitioner should. My overbearing attitude, constant complaints, and looking down on others are attachments that need to be eliminated. A practitioner should be compassionate and calm, and not forceful and aggressive. I’ve had these traits since I was young. Now they are big obstacles that should be removed. I should treat cultivation seriously and improve; otherwise it’s the same as not cultivating.

Once I saw that I was wrong, I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the false self that was controlling me. I apologized to Master (the founder of Falun Dafa), “I’m wrong. I’m determined to improve and not let Master worry and be disappointed.”

As I prepared to do the exercises the next morning, all the discomfort had disappeared. I hadn’t asked Master to eliminate my pain. I just wanted to acknowledge my mistakes, and the discomfort went away. I thanked Master, and I apologized to my wife for my bad attitude. I also plan to apologize to that couple when I see them, because I didn’t behave the way a practitioner should.

People who are indoctrinated by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) don’t apologize, even when they make mistakes. I want to remove the Party’s indoctrination because it makes a person overbearing, intolerant of others, and unwilling to cooperate with others, and these traits are the opposite of the traits of a cultivator, who quietly helps others.

These attachments have been bothering me for a long time, but I didn’t know how to get rid of them. Therefore, I’m exposing them in this article so I can eliminate them.

The villagers know that I practice Falun Dafa and have seen me change. After interacting with me, they can see that I’m friendlier now.