(Minghui.org) It has been one year since I landed in this new city and joined the local Fa study, group practice, and media projects. During this period, there have been gains and joys, as well as pain and conflict. I have also faced difficult choices, tests, and feelings along the way.
I knew that I was very attached to my subordinates carrying out my orders unconditionally, so I intentionally avoided being a team leader in projects validating the Fa. I felt that being an individual contributor and cultivating my ability to cooperate would be helpful to my cultivation. In fact, this kind of behavior does not eliminate the human notion, but instead protects it, and it will eventually be exposed.
Shortly thereafter, I was appointed to lead a customer service team that provides support to viewers and media hosts. I was also responsible for coordinating many teams to ensure that the program would be aired on time. I report to a project manager, and I also manage my own team. There were a lot of requirements for the staff. While solving issues, I tried my best to adapt and move forward. I also felt a lot of pressure at work, and wanted to make a breakthrough in my cultivation to relieve this invisible pressure, but I didn’t know how.
One of my team members kept making mistakes at work, so I wanted to replace her. When we finally informed her that we’d be giving her a new position, she was very sad. Seeing her so upset, I lost sleep that night. I was trying to figure out how it was related to my cultivation. Isn’t it a common practice for a person to get a new position if he could not do well in his current role? We needed to find a suitable person to do it because the work can’t be delayed! But she was so sad and clearly hurt, and felt wronged. I was wondering whether I had done something wrong on my part.
I looked within and found that I was being selfish. First off, I didn’t have a good training regimen due to lack of time and heavy workload. Second, I could not tolerate mistakes for tasks that I deemed to be easy. I was responsible for my team, so I was upset and annoyed by the mistakes that my team members made. I began to look down on someone and wished to hire new people who were obedient and capable. While I repeatedly emphasized and assessed whether other people’s skills were up to par, I neglected to look at my own problems. Actually, I had slacked off in my cultivation.
What does Dafa require of me in this position?
Master said,
“They are in a state of immense tolerance, of mercy toward all beings, and of being able to understand everything with kindness. To put it in human terms, they always manage to be understanding of others.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2002 Conference in Boston, U.S.A.,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World Volume II)
I suddenly realized my problem. It turns out that being able to tolerate other people’s mistakes is also a manifestation of one’s realm, especially when such mistakes will cause one to have their reputation and self interest harmed. Tolerance is the measure of my cultivation. As a team leader, I decided to focus on how to improve people’s ability to solve problems so that mistakes will not be repeated. The quality of our service will naturally improve. After this incident, I communicated more regularly with team members and I could see their efforts more, instead of just looking at the end results.
I was determined to continue practicing the exercises outdoors in this city as I had done for many years before. I attended the outdoor group practice at four locations, and I bought a thick coat, hat and gloves for the winter. The temperature reached 18 degrees below zero on Christmas Day. I noticed a little frostbite on my finger when I arrived at work after doing the exercises outdoors that morning, but a colleague who practiced with me was fine. I was disappointed in myself and wondered if minus 18 degrees was too much for me, and if I would have to practice indoors at these frigid temperatures. It was only Christmas, the beginning of winter.
I believed this was a kind of interference, but I asked myself how this could happen.
Master said,
“Any time you experience disruptions of any sort, you should proactively think about what caused them and what you still need to let go.” (The Sixth Talk, Zhuan Falun)
I began to carefully review what attachments I had about participating in outdoor exercises. Several times someone asked me why I got up so early when I replied to messages in the work message group in the morning. I said that I was doing the exercises outdoors. Someone praised me for getting up early and cultivating well, which made me complacent.
Once at an outdoor practice site, the organizer said there could be as many as twenty practitioners on weekends, but there were only a handful of practitioners who could attend all year round and on snowy days. I didn’t say anything at the time, but thought to myself: “Others can’t do it, but I can come year round, even in the winter and on snowy days. I have no problem at all.” When I thought it over, I noticed a hidden notion. On the surface, it appeared that I was persevering with practicing outside, but I realized that I like to do things that others cannot do, to show that I’m capable. Therefore, except for the days when I have work and cannot participate, I get up on time and come to the practice site every day. In autumn, I even hoped that winter and snow would come sooner. I felt joy and pride that I was so persistent.
What a dangerous attachment it is to prove one’s own abilities rather than validating the Fa. I realized that we always ask Master to help us when we are in danger. Sometimes we are slow to pass a tribulation that drags on for a long time, but it is actually a test for us. I had to ask myself: “Am I really cultivating? Have I met the requirements of the Fa at this stage?” Only by working hard on our hearts and rectifying ourselves can we change the external environment. When we truly melt into the Fa, we are the safest.
The weather changed immediately, and the bitter temperature of -18 degrees never appeared again after I let go of my human notions. The most amazing thing is that I often can feel energy surrounding my thighs when I walk or work. It is very warm and comfortable. Sometimes when I am meditating outdoors, I can also feel heat in my legs, as if my body has its own heater. I experienced Master’s encouragement to practice outdoors in the cold winter, and had a new understanding of,
“After passing the shady willow trees, there will be bright flowers and another village ahead!” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
The world changed quickly after Master published “How Humankind Came To Be” and our projects also developed quickly. Many departments have been reorganized.
For a few days, people complained that our customer service was subpar, and the service could not keep up. Upper management decided to have every channel be led by a manager who makes the decisions on the host, production, and customer service. One member of our team thought that those who were not picked by any channel manager would lose their job.
All this happened very suddenly, and it dealt a great blow to the customer service department staff. I felt guilty that I didn’t manage the team well and brought this sudden change to the people on my team. When a team member asked me if she would lose her job or get an opportunity to do something else, I was speechless. Everyone is really hardworking, working late almost every day. But no matter how hard we work, what others see are our mistakes.
I was depressed for two days, but I knew in my heart that the implementation of the channel manager system was good for the development of the channels and the company. Why couldn’t I be happy about such a great thing? Why should I be depressed? What is the human notion behind my depression?
Behind the depression, I saw that I was reluctant to give up on my team members. This was an attachment of emotion that I needed to let go of. I also saw that my pride was hurt and my reputation was damaged because our department made frequent mistakes. I was questioned on my ability to manage the customer service department. I also had a desire to protect and retain the existing work, and didn’t want it to change.
I also found the most important problem. A team was entrusted to me, but did I take care of it? No. I asked them to come to the company to study the Fa together in the morning, but I was not very strict about it because I understood they worked hard and finished late; I neglected my duties as a manager.
From this, I thought of the duty and responsibility of a Dafa disciple in the Fa-rectification period, and the responsibility to lead the team well. It is even more important to cultivate ourselves well, because we shoulder the mission of saving countless sentient beings.
One month has passed, and no one was fired or has resigned. Everyone is doing his or her own work, and working hard to improve their skills. Looking back, I realized that it was a test for our team, and we need to improve our entire team in cultivation before we can move on to the next stage of work.
I realized that we are Dafa practitioners first and media employees second, so we always need to get this relationship right before we can walk this path well. I also remind myself that no matter what conflict or pain arises, I must be grateful, look within, and be compassionate.
No matter what, the difficulties will pass after we improve in the Fa, and every change in the environment, even if we experience pain and tears in the process, will help us succeed in our cultivation. No matter what work we do, it is an environment to help us realize and eliminate our human attachments, cultivate our hearts, and fulfill the responsibilities and missions entrusted to us. I’m grateful to Master for arranging practitioners to exercise outdoors and memorize and study the Fa with me. I am also grateful for all that I’ve learned and the practitioners I’ve collaborated with to save sentient beings.
I hope we can cherish the holy relationship between fellow practitioners, cherish the cultivation environment Master arranged for us, and cherish the journey we have traveled.