(Minghui.org) I started practicing Falun Dafa before the persecution began on July 20, 1999. I’d like to share my recent cultivation experiences.
I was greatly moved by two incidents: the U.S. election, and the pandemic. I wondered whether the New World Order would start after the election and whether the big “elimination” was coming during the pandemic. I was also anticipating the fall of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and the arrival of the Fa-rectification. Though I knew that my cultivation state was not up to the Fa’s standards, and I wasn’t meeting the requirements of a true practitioner, I felt tired and looked forward to the completion of the Fa-rectification.
Many of my attachments were exposed, and my expectation of the end of Fa-rectification was not met. How long would the cultivation process last? It was a grave test for me to see if I still firmly believed in Master and Dafa. Cultivators shouldn’t try to arrange their own cultivation paths. It was wrong of me to analyze world affairs and guess how Master was arranging the path for us.
I couldn’t cultivate diligently with such thoughts. My cultivation state was sometimes good and sometimes bad. Some practitioners I knew slacked off and were tempted by ordinary things in our materialistic world. Some started to join in entertainment and dances on the square, some bought houses, some became attached to online shopping, and others organized sightseeing trips.
Someone asked me if I wanted to go to the big sale at the shopping mall. Another person said, “House prices are falling. Don’t you want to buy a new apartment and get rid of the old one?” When I slacked off in my cultivation, these ordinary things presented themselves to me. I wondered if we were still far away from the end of Fa-rectification.
Master talked about the ending of the Fa-rectification several times in his Fa lectures. More than 20 years have passed and Fa-rectification still continues. Should I be more realistic? I had sacrificed a lot all these years. It wouldn’t hurt to get more involved with ordinary people’s things, would it?
When I had those thoughts, my daughter-in-law said to me, “Father, your apartment is so old. I will make arrangements for a renovation. Is that okay ?” I told her there was no need, but she seemed insistent, saying, “You won’t need to spend much. I will arrange everything.” Though I shook my head, I hesitated in my heart.
My wife also urged me to go shopping with her several times, “I’m going to buy some good clothes for you. Please come with me to the mall so you can choose. What are you saving money for?”
Their words got my attention. When I cultivated diligently, I rarely heard such things. However, when I slacked off in cultivation, more people became concerned about me. Temptation and pursuit would creep in when I was not diligent.
When I first started practicing Dafa, I was never lazy about getting up and doing the exercises in the morning. I went to the practice site early, rain or shine. I could let go of anything. How diligent I was! But look at me now! I was dragged down by laziness and comfort and was not willing to charge forward.
Master gave me hints many times. When I didn’t get up to do the exercises in the morning, I dreamed that I was lying next to water. In one dream, I was writing the word “laziness” with a police officer standing beside me. When I had the attachment of showing off and validating myself, I dreamed that I was floating in the air. When I had lust and desire, I dreamed that I was walking naked in the crowd, looking for clothes everywhere. When I overslept, Master patted me several times.
I was expecting the Fa-rectification to end and didn’t want to charge forward because I had gotten tired. But I never thought about Master being tired. When I felt things were difficult, I never thought if saving us was difficult for Master. If I slacked off and stopped in the middle of my cultivation, what would Master think of me?
I made up my mind to overcome this. I forced myself to study two lectures of Zhuan Falun every day. I did the five exercises in the morning and sent righteous thoughts at least seven times a day for 20 minutes each time. I also clarified the facts to people daily. I didn’t want to have any regrets.
I’ve noticed that practitioners create their own circles and stay with those who are in similar states of cultivation. I felt that I should be around diligent practitioners so that I could gauge how far I lagged behind them.
Many of the practitioners I know cultivate well. I’m very touched when I see their diligence. I know one practitioner who led a frugal life and ate simple meals. It was cold in his home in the winter because he didn’t turn the heating on. But he did the exercises and studied the Fa every day. I said to him, “If it was me, I couldn’t do it.”
“I feel content,” he replied. “Compared with those Daoists who cultivate in remote mountains, my life is fulfilling.”
When a veteran practitioner came to see me, I wanted to know about her routine so asked her some questions. She said she got up at 3 a.m. to do the exercises and that it was not a struggle to get up because she naturally woke up at that time. She said she sent forth righteous thoughts for at least 55 minutes each time, four times a day, and that she could focus most of the time.
Looking at her, I was so ashamed of myself. To me that is called “diligent!” From then on, I extended the time I sent righteous thoughts to 30 minutes. I did the exercises in the morning every day. I forced myself to get up early, asking myself which deity ever completed cultivation by being lazy. Every day we have now is extended by Master. If I don’t cherish this time, am I worthy of being Master’s disciple?
A veteran practitioner in my area invited me to her home. She asked me to point out any attachments she had. I saw a notebook on her bedside table. It was her handwritten copy of Zhuan Falun. She had copied the book very neatly. I was surprised because I thought she wasn’t very well educated.
She had about eight cardboard boxes full of handwritten copies of Dafa books. She had hand-copied Zhuan Falun seven times, Collected Teachings Given Around the World three times, and Hong Yin three times. I admired her so much! Whenever I saw her, she looked so humble!
She was very quiet but cultivated diligently. I was far behind her. How much time and effort she put into copying the Dafa books! I reminded myself that I had to become humble. Only by staying humble could I improve and become closer to the state of a divine being.
I used to have misconceptions about the coordinators. I thought they should be outstanding or practitioners would not listen to them. Due to this notion, I was intolerant, didn’t cooperate, and even badmouthed them behind their backs. But over the past two years, I realized that even the most diligent practitioner is not perfect. Master requires us to look at other practitioners’ good sides, not their shortcomings. After I changed my perspective, I was able to cooperate with the coordinators.
There used to be seven coordinators in my area, but now there aren’t many left. Why did they have so many tribulations? They did a lot of Dafa work but didn’t cultivate solidly. Some coordinators were good at talking about the Fa principles but had strong attachments to validating themselves. As a result, the old forces persecuted them severely.
Coordinators are the bonds that hold the whole body of cultivators together. They make big contributions and sacrifice a lot, whatever their capabilities. They are precious! I should cooperate with them well and follow their arrangements. It’s also a test to see how well I have cultivated during the process. When I have these insights, I feel closer to the coordinators. When I heard some practitioners had conflicts with coordinators, I would kindly remind them that we need to understand and support them.
When coordinators were released from prison, I would ask other practitioners to pass on my regards to them and offer my help.
One coordinator was imprisoned when his wife divorced him. When he was released, he had no home to go to. I helped rent an apartment and bought furniture for him. He was very diligent in cultivation and sacrificed a lot in the different projects he had been involved in.
When I noticed coordinators’ shortcomings, I would sincerely point them out. On one occasion, a coordinator who was released from prison had a heavy heart because some practitioners didn’t want to see her and told her not to go to their homes again. She didn’t know what was wrong.
She was very capable and had had a big influence on practitioners, but after she was released, they didn’t want to see her anymore. She was puzzled and lonely and not able to focus while studying the Fa.
I told her, “Practitioners heard that you were ‘transformed’ and didn’t know what really happened to you. Please don’t blame them. Gold will always shine, so please keep cultivating diligently. Why are you concerned about their attitudes? As long as Master acknowledges you, does it matter!?” She nodded. Then I asked, “Are you at a loss for what you should do going forward?” She said she was.
“You did a lot of Dafa work before. You ran more than a dozen printers by yourself, making truth-clarification materials and Dafa books. Nobody was more capable than you. But you talked to other practitioners arrogantly. They had to listen to you, but you rarely listened to them. No one dared to go against you. Now things are different. You don’t have anything to do. You feel lonely and lost, but have you ever wondered if you did true cultivation? You lack one crucial basic: solid cultivation. This is a big omission, right?”
She thanked me and said, “Your words touched my heart.”
I continued, “You know an everyday person could do what you have done. You were in that cultivation state for quite a few years. You reckoned that the more work you did, the better you had cultivated. I suggest that you calm down and don’t go anywhere or look for anyone. Stay at home and study the Fa. Cultivate yourself and catch up!”
She shed tears and said, “I feel better after listening to you. Why didn’t anyone ever say this to me before?”
“Who would dare?” I responded. “Besides, would you have listened to them? Would you be convinced by their words?”
I actually admired this coordinator very much. She had gone through so much in prison but still wanted to keep up with cultivation. How precious this was! This is the Buddha nature that we should cherish! I shared with her a few more times over the coming days. She became more optimistic and was eager to catch up with the other practitioners.
When coordinators stumble, fellow practitioners should help them and make them feel welcome. We shouldn’t look down on them if they were “transformed” in prison. That would destroy them. As long as we treat them sincerely, they will understand.
When new coordinators step up, practitioners must support them as well. A practitioner once told me that so-and-so was a new coordinator. My first thought was: “Is she capable enough to be a coordinator?”
Over the following days, she kept popping up in my mind. I then became alert. What attachment did I have? Was it jealousy? Was I not convinced she was right for the job?
In China, the persecution is still rampant. Practitioners are so admirable when they volunteer to be coordinators, so other practitioners must support them.
For a period of time, I was not able to pass the tests in my family. I easily got angry over trivial matters. However, when I improved on the basis of the Fa, I became lighthearted. When I was not so attached to sentimentality, things were less concerning.
My daughter came home for the school holidays this summer. She said, “Dad, you looked very well every year when I came back before. Why do you look different this year?” I was surprised and wondered why she said this, because I felt good inside. I asked her how I looked different. “You were all smiles and happy before. You were kind and loving. But now you rarely smile and have a stern look on your face. You are not the same person you were!”
My wife also commented, “Your dad frowns when he meditates and looks serious. His body tilts sometimes as if he’s in pain.”
I wondered how I could have cultivated into such a person! I looked within and found that I had the attachments of resentment and competitiveness, that I was attached to my ego and didn’t listen to others, and was authoritative in front of my family. I had been in that state for a long time, and it was hard to break through it.
The following are some examples.
As soon as I sat down to study the Fa, things would interfere, such as my wife demanding that I go to the market with her. If I went with her, I wouldn’t have time to study the Fa, but if I didn’t go, she would complain. Though I went with her a lot of the times, I was unhappy and wondered when she would stop insisting that I go.
Sometimes, just as I turned on my computer, she shouted from the kitchen, “Come and help me cook!” When I asked her to wait a minute, she would say I was selfish and didn’t take care of her. I was afraid of people saying I was selfish, so I would go help her. But I was not happy deep inside.
As soon as I would sit down to send righteous thoughts at midday, she would shout, “Lunch is ready!” I would tell her to go ahead and eat first, but she insisted she would wait for me. I felt guilty, so I had to eat lunch with her first, then find time to send righteous thoughts.
I once could no longer put up with her and balked. She retorted, “Other people say that you’re good. You pretend to be good, but your behavior around me is real. You are the same as before and haven’t changed a bit.” I didn’t say anything and was determined to change for sure.
I realized that trivial matters in the family can test a person’s tolerance the best. I could find many of my attachments over trivial things and every attachment was centered around selfishness. I had used the two sacred things “studying the Fa” and “sending righteous thoughts” as excuses to not let go of my attachments.
I thought studying the Fa and sending righteous thoughts were sacred things, and nobody could interfere with me when I was doing either of them. If they did, I would feel uncomfortable and get angry. Actually, this was a good time to let go of my attachments. When I do things without attachments, the sacred things become really sacred. The interference disappears as well. I got stuck with these notions for many years.
I felt light after changing my perspective. When my wife demanded things of me again, I wasn’t annoyed. I did whatever she asked and considered her first. It seemed that I sacrificed, but actually I gained!
As I changed my behavior, my wife changed as well. When she saw me studying the Fa or sending righteous thoughts, she would stop asking me to do things. When she called me to have dinner, she didn’t get angry when I asked her to wait a minute. The more I let go of sentimentality, the easier I feel life is. When I have compassion, I won’t get angry easily and will always have a smile on my face. Over the past two years, I have let go of much of my resentment, competitiveness, and arrogance. When I have sunshine in my heart, I have a kind expression.
I feel that I’m as small as a drop of water, but I’m so honored and proud that I can follow Master to cultivate during the Fa-rectification period. My life is being purified during the process. Having gone through these trials and tribulations, I see more clearly my mission and responsibility. I will follow Master with more determination regardless of the situation or how long the Fa-rectification period will last.
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!