(Minghui.org) About four years ago, with Master’s benevolent enlightenment, I made up my mind to seriously look within and truly improve my cultivation state.

I learned that I had the attachment to doing things, showing off, validating myself, and an unwillingness to take criticism. I liked to listen to nice words, among other attachments. I put emphasis on cultivation in these respects, and felt that I had let go of many attachments. I could remain unmoved when encountering things, I could think of others, see the strengths of fellow practitioners, and be understanding of other practitioners’ difficulties. When fellow practitioners did well, I could be happy for them. I felt that I could get rid of selfish attachments, but I realized later that things didn’t work like that.

I make phone calls on the rescue platform, and whenever phone calls go well, I thank Master in my heart, and warn myself:

“One only needs to worry about putting in the effort of practice, and the rest is in the hands of one’s teacher.” (The First Talk, Zhuan Falun)

I also remind myself, “Nothing is possible without Master’s empowerment, and what I have done is still so far from Master’s requirements. I cannot be happy or think that things are due to my efforts.” But I recently discovered that when I encounter these kinds of situations, I still subconsciously feel that I did quite well.

When I share cultivation experiences and talk about my understandings of the Fa principles with fellow practitioners and they agree with what I have said, I have thoughts that I understand the Fa principles quite well. I believe that these thoughts are not right.

I believe this is actually a form of validating myself, and a manifestation of selfishness. I had already been trying to cultivate myself seriously, so why was the attachment coming back after I seemingly got rid of it? Why was I unable to rid myself of this attachment?

I have cultivated for so many years, and feel so lucky to be able to cultivate Dafa in this lifetime! How I wish that I could assimilate to Dafa with a sincere and humble attitude.

Master said,

“In the past, cultivators would remove attachments one after another. But in your case, almost all of your attachments remain while they are weakened and lessened one layer at a time, weakened and lessened continually, further and further. That’s the approach that I have taken with you, and it allows our Dafa disciples to live normally among ordinary people prior to achieving consummation and to save people in a normal manner while being one of them. At the same time, precisely because your human thoughts haven’t been fully removed, it allows you to cultivate against their interference, and if you can stay alert and cultivate yourself at all times, and fulfill your responsibilities as a Dafa disciple, that is mighty virtue and is simply extraordinary. And that is your path.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2015 West Coast Fa Conference”)

I have been cultivating for more than 20 years, and many attachments that I had have gradually decreased and weakened over time, so there should not be that many left. But they now keep surfacing while I am cultivating, and they seem quite stubborn too. I have the sense that there are some attachments I have not even discovered yet.

I calmed down and reflected on myself, and discovered that I did not have a sufficient understanding of “self-centeredness.” In my cultivation, I had let go of many attachments that stemmed from “self-centeredness,” but I was still unknowingly protecting “self.”

I grew up receiving compliments, both at home and at school, so I thought that I could attain the best. I respect people with lofty ideals. I am full of ideals myself and I pursue righteousness. I thought that I was a person who pursued noble sentiments. I was pursuing what I thought was the best, and this was affirming and strengthening my “self-centeredness.” I wanted to be a humble person, so my display of self-centeredness was not so obvious.

I started reading thick storybooks when I was eight or nine years old. I could only read books that were written by literati who were approved by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). The books were meant to promote so-called revolutionary heroism. These books actually packaged and beautified the selfishness and arrogance in human nature. They were weapons that the evil Party used to nurture fighters to help it fight with heaven and earth. Although I stopped believing in the CCP a long time ago, I was still poisoned by the CCP culture. This was especially prominent when I became more confident, and when I thought I could clearly see the true nature of the CCP. This strengthened my self-centeredness.

During cultivation, superficial attachments can be discovered and discarded very quickly. The self-centeredness was covered up by my pursuit of the mundane world’s righteousness, and complacency made it very hard for me to realize its existence.

“Self-centeredness” immersed me in my own emotions. When I did well, I admired myself and felt so important. When I did not do well, I reprimanded myself and felt miserable. Reprimanding myself initially made me feel that I was cultivating very diligently, but after persisting in this state for a prolonged period of time, it affected my confidence in cultivation. During my cultivation, I had thought too highly of myself, so I could not truly look within. I could not assimilate unconditionally to Dafa with a humble and respectful heart, and I was not able to correct the relationship between Master and myself, and between Dafa and myself.

Master said:

“I also want to tell you that your nature in the past was actually based on egotism and selfishness. From now on, whatever you do, you should consider others first, so as to attain the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism. So from now on, whatever you do or whatever you say, you must consider others—or even future generations—along with Dafa’s eternal stability. ” (“Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature,” Essentials for Further Advancement)

In the past, when I studied this passage of the Fa my understanding was that we need to cultivate ourselves to get rid of our selfish thoughts, behavior, and bad matter, and become a person who is considerate of others. I did not notice that Master also said, “...your nature in the past was actually based on egotism and selfishness.” Much less did I notice that my nature was originally self-centered and selfish! I did not think more deeply about my nature.

When I studied this segment of the Fa again recently the two characters ben xing, or “nature,” jumped out and displayed themselves before my eyes. My heart shuddered, nature? So my nature was selfish and self-centered. I understood that this was Master enlightening me by letting me see it.

Since my nature was selfish and self-centered, if I wanted to get rid of this self-centeredness, I would need to change my nature! Sentient beings have a saying “a leopard never changes its spots.” I had not grasped the meaning earlier, which is that cultivating well in these respects means getting rid of the superficial selfishness and self-centered thoughts and behavior. I needed to change myself fundamentally so I needed to change myself right from the origin of where my thoughts and notions developed. I understood another level of meaning about looking inward, and I also understood why I needed to look inward unconditionally. Because Master is reshaping my life and soul!

When I understood these things, I felt that a lot of material substances were falling away from me, and my mind and body felt relaxed. Thank you Master!

I deeply feel the solemnity of cultivation. What I need to do from now on is to truly improve my cultivation state by cultivating practically, studying the Fa well, looking inward unconditionally, using righteous thoughts to guide myself, and using the Fa principles to measure my every thought and action.

Master knows what I am thinking. Master is telling me that it is not that I cannot see him, but that I am unwilling to go over to his side! I also understand that Master is teaching his disciples strictly and Master’s teachings have deep expectations!

I could not help but cry because I felt deeply sorry to Master! I know that the reason that I could not go over to Master’s side was because my xinxing and my realm had not reached the Fa’s requirements. I want to say to Master, “Master, I will definitely go to your side.”

Master said in “A Congratulatory Letter to the Fa Conference of Taiwan”:

Cherish this opportunity, which comes only once in an eternity!Cherish the opportunity to cultivate!Cherish the journey you have walked!Master is waiting for you at the end!

Let us cherish every day and every moment that we have with Master!

Thank you benevolent great Master!