(Minghui.org) A few months ago I felt tired and sleepy every day. I have a full-time job. I usually get up at 4:30 a.m. to join a group and read Master’s other teachings first, and then we read Zhuan Falun. I could stay awake while reading Master’s other lectures, but I couldn’t concentrate while reading Zhuan Falun. Sometimes I fell asleep in group Fa study, and other practitioners had to call my name when it was my turn to read.
I felt sleepy after five minutes when I sent forth righteous thoughts and fell asleep after ten minutes. I wasn’t able to do the five sets of exercises every day. Spending more time doing the exercises means less sleep. I wanted to break through this state, but I couldn’t. Although I participated in truth-clarification projects, I didn’t do them well, and I didn’t do them with righteous thoughts or compassion. I also felt sleepy or fell asleep at work, which affected my job.
Last November local practitioners began preparing for Shen Yun to come to our city. This was more difficult than previous years because of the pandemic. During the group sharing the coordinator said that this was a good opportunity for everyone to make improvements in cultivation. He hoped each practitioner would do their best to promote Shen Yun. I felt I should adjust my state to keep up with the progress of Fa-rectification and improve my cultivation state. I decided to memorize the Fa.
In 2008 I spent more than a year memorizing Zhuan Falun. Memorizing the Fa allowed me to walk through a big tribulation. I tried memorizing the Fa for the second time recently, but I gave up. I realized that I missed many opportunities to improve during the past ten years. I recently listened to “Persistent Memorizing the Fa” on Minghui Radio and I decided to memorize the Fa again.
In terms of sending forth righteous thoughts, I read Master’s teachings and Minghui editorial’s notice on sending forth righteous thoughts. I was impressed by “Imagine that you are like a god that is as tall as the heavens and incomparably noble, with an enormous body.” I read it carefully and kept it in mind. I then imagined that I was like a giant god every time I sent forth righteous thoughts. I felt my body was huge, and I became bigger and bigger in the universe. When I thought this way, I naturally straightened my back, and my hand position felt strong.
I understood that I had to improve my xinxing in order to improve in cultivation. I know I had a lot of attachments and human notions, but I couldn’t find my fundamental attachments. I begged Master in my heart, “Please enlighten me, Master, I want to do well.”
I then had two dreams. In the first dream, I walked with a male friend. He suddenly held my arm. I knew my interaction with the opposite sex was inappropriate, but I didn’t refuse him. In the second dream Master came. I had never seen Master up close before. Master spoke to me and we sat at a table for a while. I suddenly found he was not Master when he left.
The first dream enlightened me that I should remove my attachments of lust.
I thought the second dream was to hint that one could only cultivate in one way. I didn’t quite understand why I had this dream because I never practiced other qigong or read other qigong books. The next day, while listening to the Minghui broadcast, I heard another practitioner talk about a problem similar to mine. I immediately understood why I had this problem.
I was not happy with my current life and always wanted things to change. First, I didn’t like living in a large city, and I always wanted to move to a smaller city. Second, I did not like the cultivation environment in my area. I felt the cultivation environment was very chaotic. There are all kinds of practitioners. Some liked to spread gossip and rumors. I felt they had heavy CCP (Chinese Communist Party) mindsets and always exaggerated things. I knew I should cultivate myself, but I often complained about the cultivation environment. In fact, my complaining made the cultivation environment worse.
Dafa focuses on cultivating our minds. However, I didn’t grasp the fundamentals of Dafa cultivation, and I didn’t cultivate myself. I wanted to arrange my cultivation environment and didn’t want to cultivate in a complicated environment. I realized that I might have fallen into a side-path cultivation way. I understood my complaint was due to the old universe’s nature of selfishness. Because I didn’t let go of my selfishness, it took control of my body and main consciousness. It was why my main consciousness seemed couldn’t play a role. When I realized this, I felt the substance that made me drowsy suddenly become very weak.
One day I talked to a practitioner about my experience writing sharing articles. I told her that writing experiences really eliminates a lot of bad things about oneself. She said it was difficult for her to write an article, but she was grateful to Master for his enlightenment and protection, and without Master she would not have come out of her tribulations. Her gratitude to Master was beyond words. I immediately saw my own “selfishness” from what she said. I realized that I always wanted to get benefits from Dafa and my starting point was always myself. I found the gap between myself and other practitioners.
On Chinese New Years day, I got up at 2:15 a.m. to do the exercises with other practitioners on the RTC platform. My New Year’s resolution is to rectify my cultivation, be cooperative, promote Shen Yun and save more people.