(Minghui.org) I’m a young Falun Dafa practitioner. It has been over 20 years since I heard about Dafa, and my cultivation experience is a mixed bag of blessings and regrets. I’m writing my experience to expose my attachments and notions, which aren’t part of my true self. The only way to walk straight on my path of cultivation is to see these attachments and notions clearly and cast them away.

My grandmother started practicing Falun Dafa when I was one year old. I heard her recite “On Buddha Law,” poems from Hong Yin and scriptures from Essentials for Further Advancement when I was young. She was thrown into a forced labor camp for appealing for Falun Dafa in Beijing due to the Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP) persecution. I was only four years old at the time and didn’t understand the Fa.

I indulged myself in video games while in middle school. I never told my parents that I was going to a cybercafe to play games whenever I had time. I was so addicted that I even used my lunch break to play video games. The demon of lust also sneaked into my mind from websites. This was the beginning of my bad behaviors. I searched for pornography on the Internet, and bad thoughts sometimes came to mind. Though my mother was strict with my school work, I couldn’t concentrate on studying at all, which led to fights between my mom and I.

Mom started cultivating Falun Dafa in 2005. She changed her attitude and stopped forcing me to study, but she required me to read 10 to 20 pages of the book Zhuan Falun after school each day. Under pressure from the exam-oriented education system, my school didn’t end until 9 o’clock in the evening, but I still read a dozen pages of Zhuan Falun when I got home.

However, I didn’t understand the principles and rarely measured myself against the standard of the Fa. I continued to go to the cybercafe without telling my mom. One day, I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my chest after I returned to school from the cybercafe after my lunch break. It was so painful that I could hardly walk. My mother happened to be out of town. My teacher called my dad as well as an ambulance, but the medics couldn’t find anything wrong after examining me.

My dad carried me home afterwards. The only thing I could do was to stay in bed. I was bedridden for a long time, so I listened to Master Li’s (Falun Dafa’s founder) lectures every day. I knew that I was a Falun Dafa disciple and that I had done wrong. I confessed to Master and promised not to no longer go to cybercafes.

When I looked inside myself, I realized I had many other problems besides my addiction to video games, such as lust. However, I wasn’t willing to dig up all of them at that time. I was so far from the standard for Dafa practitioners, but compassionate Master didn’t give up on me. I gradually recovered under Master’s protection and fellow practitioners’ help. I stopped going to cybercafes as I promised, but my attachments to video games and other things weren’t eliminated; they were temporarily hidden.

After I entered college, mom rented an apartment for me near my college so that I’d be able to study the Fa and do the exercises in my own place. I studied one lecture each day, but didn’t focus on the words. Mom took me to join group study sessions on Saturdays. I read when it was my turn, but daydreamed or nodded off when others read. I hardly read any other teachings.

My addiction to cell phone games and animations invited persecution from the old forces yet again. I felt a sharp pain in my chest and back one day after lifting a motor in my hands-on class. I had a high fever. The pain was nonstop and so bad that I couldn’t breathe, stand, sit, or lie down to sleep.

My mother realized that my addiction to cell phones had invited trouble, but she had no idea how addicted I was. She sent forth righteous thoughts for me and played Master’s lectures and fellow practitioners’ experience sharing articles on sickness karma. However, I held so little Fa in my mind that I didn’t know how to break through my sickness karma. I begged Master to save me again and promised to cultivate myself diligently.

One time, I even doubted that Master was taking care of me, because the pain wasn’t getting better after my begging. I felt ashamed for my doubt when my mind became clear. How could I doubt Master while he had endured for me and given me opportunities to improve myself? If Master hadn’t taken care of me, I would’ve lost my life to the old forces’ persecution a long time ago. In fact, I’m very indebted to Master for his compassionate salvation and to my fellow practitioners for their selfless help!

I repented many times when I experienced sickness, and fell pray to lust when I had horrible dreams. However, I forgot the pain of regret quickly afterwards. I restrained myself from watching what I shouldn’t watch, but was eventually pulled down by my strong attachments. I sometimes relaxed even before my painful experience was over.

I knew that all the persecution was due to my slacking off in my cultivation and my attachments to my cell phone and lust. Even though I almost stopped playing video games, I was still attached to them and continued watching videos of others playing video games. I played video games in many of my dreams.

I seldom read the words in the Fa, and didn’t truly understand the Fa. The meaning of the sentences and paragraphs didn’t cross my mind. I seemed to be stricter with myself for a period of time in college, and I sometimes tried to clarify the truth, but even my closest friends didn’t understand the significance of quitting the CCP and its affiliated organizations. Though they eventually agreed to quit by the skin of their teeth under my repeated suggestions, it was because they thought it wouldn’t be detrimental to them in any way.

I also didn’t treat myself as a cultivator at my workplace after I graduated from college. When the pandemic made me realize the urgency of clarifying the truth, I started telling my colleagues about the truth of Falun Dafa. One of them reported me to upper management, who threatened to fire me. I realized that this was because I hadn’t done well as a cultivator in my everyday life and harbored many attachments.

I got frustrated by my situation at work, but Master gave me encouragement. While I was helping my mother send an email, a message popped up on my screen, “Ambitious falls are better than pointless wandering.”

I found a better job with the weekends off two months later. Thank you, Master, for never giving up on a disappointing disciple!

I started memorizing Zhuan Falun due to my mom’s encouragement. That was when I started to deeply feel the power of the Fa. I’m changing in many ways, though I haven’t completely understood the profound meaning of Dafa. I can tell that I’ve gained a better understanding of many principles, and my mind has become clearer and my righteous thoughts have become stronger.

During the pandemic lock-down, I spent most of my time during the day memorizing the Fa. I could memorize over ten pages each day for several days. I was in a good state during that time. I have finished memorizing Zhuan Falun three times and gained new understandings of Master’s teachings. I’m now memorizing other scriptures every day.

It finally dawned on me that all the things I used to be attached to aren’t what my true self wants. They belong to the false “me” composed of postnatal notions and attachments. I must distinguish my true self from my acquired notions. My innate self hasn’t changed, but has been sealed by my notions and attachments. I can’t return to my true home in heaven until I let go of my notions and attachments, though it’s not easy.

Since my goal is to follow Master to return to my true origin, I must strive to reach the goal. Not everyone who wants to become a Falun Dafa disciple is chosen, so I have to live up to this honor. I can now tell my notions and attachments from my true self and let go of the filthy things. I’m determined to fulfill my mission as a Falun Dafa disciple.

Writing this article helped me reflect upon many things in the past and become clearer on Dafa’s principles. I know that I still have a long way to go, but I have made up my mind to uproot my attachments to my cell phone, games, animations, comfort, and many other things. I hope my fellow practitioners will learn from my lessons and cultivate diligently in the precious remaining time. Let’s fulfill our missions and take more sentient beings to their original homes.