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Cultivating Away My Grudges Against My Mother-In-Law

Jan. 15, 2022 |   By a Falun Dafa practitioner in Shandong Province, China

(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1997. I did not understand the nature of cultivation and my intention was merely to stay fit and healthy. I seriously resented my mother-in-law before then.

My mother-in-law looked down on my family and was always finding something wrong with whatever I did. When my daughter was born, my mother-in-law refused to take care of me, so I had no proper postnatal care. This led to my many sicknesses.

When I asked my husband to change our four-day-old daughter’s diapers, my mother-in-law started to swear at me. She refused to help and even told my husband to ignore me.

In desperation I called my own mother, who was 80 at the time, to come take care of me. Adding insult to injury, my mother-in-law started to find fault with my mother. It was extremely upsetting to see my mother give in to my mother-in-law. My resentment for my mother-in-law was boundless.

According to local tradition, a daughter’s first haircut should be done by the mother’s brother and the paternal grandmother. I invited her over several times to cut her granddaughter’s hair, but she refused every time. She told me, “I do not wish to be her grandmother.”

We visited my in-laws during the Chinese New Year one year. My mother-in-law had prepared dumplings. She handed everyone a plate of dumplings except me and remarked, “We have no dumplings for you. You can go get a piece of pancake if you are hungry.” I said with a rueful smile, “I’m not hungry.”

No words could express how much I hated and resented her. When I thought of all the spiteful things she had done to me, I’d get cold chills and shiver all over. I told myself, “I’ll give her a piece of her own medicine when she gets older! I will leave her all alone and not care for her!”

During those years I was sick, my life was sad, and I was full of hate. It was not until I encountered Falun Dafa that my life changed.

By studying the Fa and improving my character, all of my ailments disappeared and I felt better as a person.

Master Li, the founder of Falun Dafa, said,

“In cultivation practice, there may be two scenarios when dealing with specific conflicts or when others treat you badly. One is that you might have treated this person badly in your previous life. You feel in your heart that it is unfair, "How can this person treat me like this?" Then why did you treat this person that way in the past? You might claim that you actually did not know it at that time, and this life has nothing to do with the other life. That does not work. There is another issue. In conflicts, the issue of transforming karma is involved. Therefore, in dealing with specific conflicts we should be forgiving instead of acting like ordinary people.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)

After studying this section several times, I enlightened to the fact that, as a cultivator, I shouldn’t view things from a perspective of an ordinary person. I was gradually able to let go of the hatred and resentment I had for my mother-in-law. I started to call her now and then and send her my respects.

My mother-in-law broke her leg in June one year, and my husband and I took care of her. My husband quit his job to care for her full time. It was a strenuous proposition for him and he often felt nauseous and dizzy. None of his four siblings wanted to share the responsibility of taking care of my mother-in-law, so I volunteered.

I showered and cleaned her after she had a bowel movement. I had to turn her over (she weighed about 220 pounds) and fan her every half an hour during the hot summer. In addition, I had to massage her back and legs. Even though I gave her my full attention, my mother-in-law would still get upset. I did not get any sleep some nights when she complained about how hot and uncomfortable she was. I remembered Master’s teachings and conducted myself as a practitioner. I patiently took good care of her and even slept on the floor next to her bed in the same room.

My mother-in-law always thought we ate better than she did. We alleviated her suspicion by eating in front of her. Once my husband’s older sister brought over some pork chops, and I made my mother-in-law a pork chop stew. She put on a stern face and I knew that she wanted me to leave the house and not eat the stew, so I excused myself and told her that I would cook for myself when I came home.

I took care of my mother-in-law with all my heart. My husband and his family witnessed what I did and knew that Falun Dafa was good. When I was persecuted by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) later, no one in our family tried to stop me from cultivating.

My mother-in-law recovered in a few months. When she went back to the hospital for a checkup, a doctor said she had healed better than a young person.

My mother-in-law was in her 80s in the fall of 2018 and asked her sons and daughter to buy her a condominium because there was no heat in her apartment. My mother-in-law demanded that my husband and I pay twice as much as other family members for the condominium.

She said to us, “Since your daughter is already married and she no longer needs your financial support, you should pay twice as much. Your older brother shouldn't pay as he is going to buy a house for his son. Your other brothers and sister pay one share each since they have to save up to buy houses for their sons.”

I felt she was so unfair, but I still reminded myself that I needed to adhere to Master’s teachings and be a selfless and better person. I needed to think of others.

I thought, “Since my brothers-in-law and sister-in-law have financial difficulties, I will do it to make her happy.” I told my husband that we would purchase the condominium for my mother-in-law. Both my husband and his family were delighted.

My mother-in-law lives in the newly-purchased condominium. We always pay the bills whenever she asks for something to be repaired or upgraded in her home. We installed a brand new water heater because she thought the old one was unsafe; we also switched out the heating baseboards after she complained about how small they were. Whatever her requests, we’ve always tried our best to accommodate her needs. Though we live in a much smaller apartment and it becomes very crowded when my daughter’s family comes to visit, I feel all right because I have Master and Dafa by my side.

Practicing Dafa has made me healthy and improved my character. I express my gratitude to Master for helping me dissolve these grudges. Although I haven’t been diligent, Master never gave up on me. Master has always created opportunities for me to improve in my cultivation.

My mother-in-law told me one day that she had about 100,000 yuan (about USD$15,600) in her bank account. I thought to myself, “You already had money saved up when you told us to buy you a condominium.” Even so, my heart did not move and I knew that this was an opportunity created by Master to upgrade my xinxing.

Had it not been for Master and Dafa, I would have not been able to treat my mother-in-law so well. I express my gratitude to Master one more time. I will cultivate well, try even harder during this Fa-rectification process, do the three things well, and return to my true home with Master.