I Was Finally Able to Identify My Fundamental Attachments and Begin Walking Towards Maturity

(Minghui.org) Greetings, venerable Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!

I began practicing Falun Dafa in 2006 when I was 12 years old. I always had an interest in spirituality and accompanied my mother to church. I had deep respect and a desire to venerate God. I felt that faith was something important, even though I had many questions about life.

When we found Dafa, my mother was sick, but she miraculously recovered soon after she began doing the exercises. I remember the day I did the exercises for the first time. While doing the second exercise, my body immediately began to be cleansed and I was invigorated by a powerful energy that I had never experienced before.

I began to read Zhuan Falun with my mother, and we joined the nearest group of practitioners. I felt that Falun Dafa was very different from anything I had seen or experienced. I wished to cultivate and improve myself with the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. At that time my thoughts were pure and simple, and my heart was filled with profound happiness every time I attended an event where practitioners were telling people about Dafa. But, at such a young age, I did not understand the true purpose of cultivation.

I knew “Falun Dafa is good” and enjoyed being among practitioners. As I grew up and entered the great dye vat of ordinary human society, my desire for cultivation faded, and I forgot about my mission. I gradually stopped studying the Fa and doing the exercises, to the point that I completely forgot about it.

Returning to My True Path in Dafa

Immersed in ordinary human society, my attachments to fame, competition, and selfishness increasingly dragged me down. These attachments intensified until I became depressed during my last years as a student. Around 2013, although I seemed to be happy on the surface, confusion and negative emotions such as sadness, suffering, and depression drove me into a bottomless abyss. I felt empty inside.

One day, I was reflecting while walking alone on the street on my way home. I realized how much I had been pursuing among ordinary people, between self-interest and selfishness, I was actually pretending so I could be accepted by others. Struggling and competing for my interests in everyday people’s society resulted in my days being filled with suffering.

Master said,

“In ordinary human society, in competing with others for fame and personal gain, you cannot sleep well or eat well, and you’ve gotten your body into very bad shape. When your body is seen from another dimension, the bones are covered in black patches.” (Lecture Two, Zhuan Falun)

I was still lost and felt that I was wandering aimlessly in life. I remembered that the only thing that could help me was Dafa. So, one night while everyone was asleep, I decided to talk to Master. With great pain in my heart and eyes filled with tears, I asked for forgiveness for letting myself be carried away by the temptations of the world, and I affirmed my wish to truly cultivate myself and return to Dafa.

The next day when I woke up, my body had been completely cleansed. I knew this was a sign that Master heard me and had saved me again.

A few weeks later I heard that Shen Yun was going to perform in Argentina soon. I was excited and decided to talk to my mother about seeing the show. I got the tickets, and we arranged everything to travel to Buenos Aires where Shen Yun was going to perform. I had seen Shen Yun in 2009, but after several years the company perfected itself. As I watched the show I felt deep tranquility and compassion in my heart. The feeling was like being in heaven. Even after the show was over, my mind remained calm and almost without thoughts. It was a peaceful emptiness difficult to explain with human words. I experienced something miraculous that day. Seeing the practitioners, I joined the local Fa study and truth-clarification activities, and since that day I have not stopped.

Soon my younger sister began to practice. Several members of my family have now read Zhuan Falun and learned the exercises. Not only did Master rescue me once again, but my family was also blessed by His great mercy.

Eliminating the Heart of Jealousy and Resentment

I want to talk about the problem of jealousy and my current understanding of the Fa about this.

Master said,

“The issue of jealousy is very serious as it directly involves the matter of whether you can complete cultivation practice. If jealousy is not abolished, everything that you have cultivated will become fragile. There is this rule: If in the course of cultivation practice jealousy is not given up, one will not attain Right Fruit—absolutely not.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)

I began working in the media in 2014. Almost six years have passed, and I’ve had the opportunity to improve and learn several lessons about cultivation. In 2017, many changes began to emerge within the project, and my heart of jealousy and resentment began to manifest, which became major obstacles in my cultivation.

There was a change of personnel in the company and some practitioners no longer worked with me. Another truth-clarification project was emerging, and some of them were making arrangements to carry it out. From a cultivator’s perspective, this was a good thing, since it was important to save sentient beings. But, in my heart, I could not accept it as something positive. Some of them were my co-workers at the local office and practitioners I learned from and talked with on a daily basis.

Moreover, among those of us who remained and had to attend the office, we were not exactly the most diligent. Because of my attachment to laziness, I had difficulty getting up every day to attend group Fa study. For various reasons, not everyone was able to come every day to work in the office, and I was often the only practitioner who stayed to work. Another group Fa study was organized, and I was asked to be responsible for opening the office every day. But I didn’t want to take on the responsibility, so I refused. The consequence of my foolishness was that there were always difficulties in getting all the practitioners into the office on time for Fa study.

Slowly I began to neglect Fa study, sending forth righteous thoughts, and truth clarification. I attended very few local activities, and I overslept when it was time for Fa study. When this happened, I felt guilty. I began to see fewer and fewer fellow practitioners.

I felt discouraged, and this was reflected in my work. The results at the end of the day were not good. Without being diligent in Fa study, my thoughts became muddled and very negative. I was always complaining that I felt “alone.”

Master said,

“A wicked person is born of jealousy.Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself.” (“Realms,” Essentials For Further Advancement)

I recently understood that when we believe we are alone, it is because we have distanced ourselves from Master.

Master said,

“Cultivation… There’s a saying, and it’s one I’ve shared with you before: “Cultivate with the heart you once had, and success is certain.” (Enthusiastic applause) The reason many people didn’t succeed in their cultivation was because they weren’t able to make it through over the long haul. They might have felt lonely or bored, or they might have become so familiar with something or have grown so accustomed to something that they didn’t want to do it anymore. Anything can cause a person to become lax. So you should continue to be diligent. In the past, there would be sudden tests for cultivators even at the very last step. If you grew increasingly lax, you certainly wouldn’t be able to pass that test.” (“Fa Teaching on World Falun Dafa Day”)

Jealousy Leads to Bad Thoughts

I was not paying attention to my cultivation, and this state was becoming more prominent. Other practitioners cared about me, but I had all kinds of bad thoughts about them that arose from jealousy and a competitive heart. A feeling of loneliness and sadness was interfering with me.

Jealousy and resentment prevented me from seeing clearly, and when these attachments were pointed out, I was unable to recognize how strongly they were manifesting in me. I responded with anger. I despised my fellow practitioners and rejected their efforts to help. I only focused selfishly on my personal interests and sentimentality.

Things went on this way for several months, until one day I felt the presence of demonic entities which were fueled by my heart of jealousy. This experience shook me. I felt that jealousy was destroying me little by little. I had to do something about it to change this state and stop being interfered with by this attachment.

I started to read other practitioners’ experiences on Minghui about jealousy, and I increased my Fa study. I tried to read as many lectures as I could to keep my thoughts straight. However, I was still distant from the body of practitioners, and my main consciousness was weak. I was easily influenced by practitioners with the same attachments.

In ordinary human society, it is normal for people to fight and compete for who is right, who has the most knowledge, and who reaches the goal first. But we practitioners are on the path of cultivation, and this kind of behavior is opposite of what Master teaches us in the Fa.

So what was I doing? Wasn't I on the opposite side, on the side of evil?

I needed to tell other practitioners what was happening to me. I was determined to expose my attachments because I wanted to eliminate them. They were tormenting me and plunged me into a state of sadness that was becoming increasingly difficult to get out of. After sharing with practitioners, I was suddenly able to make the distinction of what was happening to me, and my will was strengthened. I thought, “I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to carry these attachments. This is not me! This is not part of my true self!” I strengthened my righteous thoughts and refused to be interfered with by the old forces. I cried for a while as I thought about this and remembered this Fa from Master:

“Cultivation itself is not painful—the key lies in your inability to let go of ordinary human attachments. Only when you are about to let go of your reputation, interests, and feelings will you feel pain.” (“True Cultivation,” Essentials for Further Advancement)

Jealousy Can Cause an Uncooperative Environment

Looking inward, I realized that I had developed a certain dependence on my fellow practitioners. I expected a higher standard from the practitioners I worked with in the past and therefore had contempt and negative thoughts towards them. This is itself wrong behavior that is driven by the attachments of pride and ego. The demon of jealousy is capable of manipulating our minds and unbalancing our hearts.

Master said,

“If a Dafa disciple's heart is unsteady, it will cause changes in his or her surroundings. When you have fear, for instance, you will find that the sentient beings around you are not quite right. When you change such that your presence is refreshing and uplifting to people, and your mind becomes broad and full of optimism, you will find the things around you to be correspondingly different. When clarifying the truth, when validating the Fa, and when encountering challenges as you do things, adjust yourself and look at things with righteous thoughts.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. IX )

I finally understood that my state was not only affecting my main consciousness and everything that I had cultivated, but it was also affecting others. All practitioners belong to the one body of Dafa disciples. Master arranged it this way, and no one piece can be missing. If we have negative thoughts and jealousy among us, doesn’t this create a division and separation in the one body? If our one body is divided, doesn’t it affect the strength of each of us and everyone’s ability to save sentient beings? Even though practitioners may have different understandings, it is not a valid reason to not cooperate. We must walk together in the same direction and stand together to form one body.

I was not grateful for the opportunity Master gave me to raise my xinxing and to contribute positively to the environment.

Looking Deeper into the Root of Jealousy

I found that jealousy is an attachment that we really must eliminate one way or another if we are to achieve consummation. It can manifest itself when we feel that our self-interest is harmed. Fearing we will lose our self-interest, we develop feelings of injustice and even resentment about how we are treated.

Unable to accept criticism because of pride, one may begin to act irrationally, lying, victimizing, competing, and contending with others until a strong heart of jealousy is manifested. Out of jealousy, we can easily turn away from the Fa and the one body of practitioners until everything we cultivate becomes fragile. This can be used by the old forces to test us and cause damage to the Dafa disciples’ joint efforts to save sentient beings.

Master said,

“Jealousy is a huge obstacle in cultivation and one that has a large impact on practitioners. It directly impacts a practitioner’s gong potency, harms fellow cultivators, and seriously interferes with our ascension in cultivation. As a practitioner, you have to eliminate it one hundred percent. Some people have yet to forgo jealousy even though they have cultivated to a certain level. Moreover, the harder it is to abandon, the easier it is for jealousy to grow stronger. The negative effects of this attachment make the improved parts of one’s xinxing vulnerable.” (Chapter III, Falun Gong)

When it comes to the problem of resentment, Master said,

“Resentment. It comes from the habit of your liking to hear nice words and liking good things to happen to you; otherwise you become resentful. Think about it, everyone, this is not acceptable. Cultivation shouldn’t be practiced like that. I’ve always said that a cultivator should look at things in reverse. When running into bad things, you should think it’s a good thing as it’s here for the purpose of improving you.” (“Teaching the Fa in Washington D.C. in 2018”)

I enlightened that during the months when I was manipulated by resentment and jealousy, I refused to pass the test of improving myself in my cultivation.

I matured going through this experience and realized the importance of genuinely cultivating myself by doing the three things. I have been able to make significant progress in eliminating these attachments and became as close to the body of practitioners as I was at the beginning of my cultivation.

Experiencing the Power of Righteous Thoughts During the July 20th Vigil

Since I started cultivating, I have experienced miracles, which are extraordinary situations that can only happen with Dafa and when Master is encouraging us to be more diligent.

In July 2019, a young practitioner suddenly lost her life. For many young cultivators working in the media, it was a great shock and a sad loss. We were being perversely tested by the old forces to see if our cultivation was good or not.

Master said,

“That’s what the old forces have made of this issue. They use this evil approach to test others, to test people through this thing that happens. “What now? Here’s someone you think cultivated well. He died. Do you still believe?” There have been many instances of this. Many Dafa disciples have had this experience, and are now aware of the old forces’ tactics. But as for Master’s requirements, cultivation is serious; a human being can’t turn into a divine being merely by sitting there sipping tea and reading over the book. Only when someone is able to truly cultivate on the path will it work.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2013 Greater New York Fa Conference”)

Practitioners shared their understandings about the test of life and death, sentimentality, strengthening our righteous thoughts, and maintaining an unmoved heart. Those were difficult days.

On July 20, many of us planned to attend the vigil in the evening in front of the Chinese consulate. That same day, a group of practitioners and I walked from the office to the Chinese consulate to attend the vigil. While I was walking and talking to practitioner Ann (alias), after a few minutes, I started to feel sick. It was hard to breathe. Several welts started to appear all over my face like an allergic reaction. It was really hard to talk. Ann asked if I was okay and offered me some water as we continued walking.

As time went on, I could feel more welts coming out all over my face, arms, etc. Breathing became more and more difficult.

I told Ann that I had never been allergic to anything, and she replied that it was interference. At that instant, I thought, “How can I have an allergic reaction? I’ve never been allergic to anything. I am a Dafa disciple!”

When we got to the candlelight vigil, my sister saw me and asked me what was wrong. I didn’t know how to answer her. It was getting harder and harder to talk.

At that moment, I suddenly remembered the young practitioner who passed away, and I felt fear and anguish. But I immediately eliminated those thoughts and refused to be interfered with by the old forces. I had to do my best to participate in the vigil.

As the vigil was about to begin, Ann and I looked for a place to sit. I sat next to her in a secluded place. But a few seconds later, a Chinese practitioner approached us and asked us to follow him. He led us to the front where practitioners were there with cameras and microphones. He assigned me to sit in the very first row. When I saw that I had to sit there and that my face did not look good, I thought: “Is it right for me to sit in the first row? Does he not see that I don’t look good? Shouldn’t he let Ann sit here?”

At that moment I decided to abandon those thoughts, accept the practitioner’s instruction, and sit in the assigned place. I sat in the double lotus position, and when the music started playing, I began to look inward. I looked for the root of my attachments and eliminated what was interfering with me in other dimensions.

By this time my legs began to ache intensely, and breathing through my lungs was practically impossible. Inside, I was crying in pain. As I searched for where I had failed, I realized that before attending the vigil, I had been thinking selfish and vain thoughts. I was preoccupied with mundane matters, thinking that I had to be well-groomed and look good because surely they were going to photograph us. I was not entirely focused on saving sentient beings, and my intentions were not pure. It was the 20th year of the persecution.

Recognizing these attachments and lamenting over my failures, I decided to send strong righteous thoughts. I kept sending forth righteous thoughts constantly to eliminate what was interfering with my body and eliminating all the evil in other dimensions.

I told myself that I had to firmly believe in the Fa and have powerful righteous thoughts. Every time I said “mie 滅” or “eliminate” in Chinese, my breathing improved noticeably. Although the pain was unbearable, I continued sending strong righteous thoughts throughout the vigil.

In the poem “Righteous Thoughts” (Hong Yin IV), Master says:

“Swift like lightning, soaring to cosmic heightsMighty like a thunderbolt, reaching beyond heavensSweeping across the cosmos, no place untouchedEliminating altogether all that’s decayed and deviant”

As the vigil ended, the music stopped and Ann asked how I felt. When she saw my face, she was amazed and told me that the welts were all gone. By that time, my breathing was normal. I had been able to stay for the entire vigil, and my body was fine.

Once again, with unwavering faith and righteous thoughts, I experienced the power of Dafa!

That day, several fellow practitioners shared that they also experienced intense pain while sitting in the full lotus position. I felt that we were in a battle against the evil in other dimensions as we validated the Fa and remembered our fellow practitioners who were persecuted to death in China.

Righteous thoughts are a supernatural power that we Dafa disciples have, and only if we firmly believe in Dafa can they act and eliminate all evil in the cosmos.

These are some lessons I have learned in my personal cultivation process.

Fellow practitioners, let us treasure this historic opportunity and move forward together as a whole with firm steps towards consummation.

Thank you, Master, for the opportunities and your protection during these last 15 years. I will walk my path well to the end and fulfill my vows.

Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!

(Presented at the 2021 Online International Young Practitioners Experience Sharing Conference)