(Minghui.org) I started to practice Falun Dafa in 2019, and have always felt Master Li’s (the founder of Falun Dafa) compassion since I began to cultivate.
It wasn't long after I began practicing that Master started cleansing my body and eliminating my karma. I came down with diarrhea. As soon as I came out of the restroom I had to go back to the toilet. I kept having to do this, and began to worry as my anus hurt a lot. Human notions of having an illness appeared in my mind. I thought that I would have to go to the hospital for emergency treatment if it continued like this. I didn't know what to do.
I grabbed hold of the water pipe with both hands because of the pain. I closed my eyes and said in my heart, “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.”
I was almost in tears because of the pain. My mind became unstable and I thought I was going to collapse.
Master’s words suddenly came to mind:
“Our bodies may suddenly feel uncomfortable. This is because repaying the karma will be manifested in different ways. At a certain point in time, you will be made unable to discern clearly whether something is true, whether your gong exists, whether you can practice cultivation and make it, or whether there are Buddhas and if they are real.” (Lecture Six, Zhuan Falun)
I shouted in my heart: “I am a Dafa disciple. I am Master's disciple. I must pass this test. Please Master help me!”
At that moment, I felt Master compassionately put this sentence into my mind: “Encounter the pain calmly, Master is taking care of everything.”
I was immediately pulled back from the brink of collapse. I became full of strength again. I shouted at the pain in my heart: “Come on! I'm not afraid of you. I'm a Dafa disciple, and I have my Master!”
With Master’s compassionate care, I finally managed to break through after nearly two days of eliminating karma. This experience made me confident to regard myself as a cultivator, able to face future tests and eliminate more karma.
It wasn't long before I experienced a second round of karma elimination. This time, I suffered from vomiting and diarrhea. The double torture quickly brought me to the brink of a mental breakdown. I didn't know when this would end. However, from my last experience of enduring the pain, it made me determined to get through it. I repeated in my mind, “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good. Master, I hand myself over to you today. I follow your instruction and your arrangement. Everything is up to you!”
Just thinking about this, I suddenly saw in my mind a very delicate black substance dissipate into the air.
Eliminating karma is something we must go through in cultivation. It is a test of how well Dafa disciples believe in Master and the Fa. As long as we are determined to pass the test, Master will compassionately look after us and help us.
When I first started practicing Falun Dafa, I only knew that I should follow the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. Master’s teachings filled my mind all the time, but I was afraid that I couldn't do well.
One day, my son, who was in middle school, was playing on his phone while he was supposed to be doing his homework. When I urged him to focus on his homework, he wasn't happy about it and talked back.
I continued to talk to him, and he kept answering back. After this back and forth, we had an argument. He verbally abused me and hit me. I told myself that this was a test, and I shouldn't be affected or get angry. I told him about his inappropriate behavior, and thought I was acting in accordance with the Fa.
“But normally when a problem arises, if it does not irritate a person psychologically, it does not count or is useless and cannot make him or her improve.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
My father called me from another room, asking me to get out and stop disciplining my son. Seeing that I didn't leave my son’s room, he came straight into the room and dragged me out. When my son saw his grandpa coming to support him, he immediately stood on the bed and shouted at me, as if he was not afraid of anything. While comforting his grandson, my father threw me out of the room.
I was furious, as tears streamed down my face. I cried and said to my father: “My son hit his mother. Instead of disciplining him, you threw me out. Are you still protecting him after he has hurt his parent? If I hit my mother, would you let it go? Why do you spoil him like this?”
I really couldn't control my anger, and my demon nature came out.
“We say that when you take a step back in a conflict, you will find the seas and the skies boundless, and it will certainly be another situation.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
I calmed down, and thought that I am a cultivator. How can I behave like an ordinary person? My anger subsided at once. I became calm and peaceful as if a huge rock pressing on me had been removed.
I began to calmly look inward. Why did I feel wronged? Why was I angry? I thought my father would help me educate my son, but he took my son's side. I didn't practice forbearance because there was vengeance hidden deep inside of me. As a cultivator, I must live up to Master's requirements, “...to not fight back when you are beaten or sworn at—you must be tolerant.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
I knew that I should educate my son in a calm and patient manner, but I still felt aggrieved. I knew there must be some attachment that I hadn't yet found. I asked myself what caused the dispute that made me argue with my son. I was worried that his bad habit would hinder him in his future study and career.
I used to do home education before I obtained the Fa, and my son was well disciplined. But after I started practicing for a while, I was at a loss for how to educate my son.
When I didn't study a good amount of the Fa, I was prone to get angry. And after I got angry, I would quarrel with my son. It would be hard for me to maintain my xinxing. I often struggled and wondered if I should discipline him. I wanted to know how I could improve my xinxing while disciplining him, and not fight with him. However, if I didn’t discipline him, I wouldn't be considered a responsible parent.
Through this incident with my father, I realized that I was right to discipline my son, but I had to behave like a cultivator, and get rid of my emotion. I shouldn’t need to worry about his future because his destiny has been arranged since birth. Without emotion I could calmly understand him, talk to him from his perspective, and guide him on how to handle things, and deal with people in a respectful manner.
I spoke with a fellow practitioner about my son's situation. She said, “I know you're a single mother, and live with your parents. Life can be hard for you sometimes, but this time I will not be sympathetic with you. I feel pity for your son. The conflict was caused by your sentiment – your emotions. You're too attached to your son, and always focus on his faults. Because of your loopholes, the old forces took advantage of you and had him quarrel with you. He is helping you find your loopholes, and helping you cultivate. You are still thinking of how to contend with him.”
I was shocked at what this practitioner said. I was in the wrong. It was obvious that I had caused all the trouble. Why should I compete with my son? The moment I understood this, I almost cried, and realized how terrible I had been to my son and my parents. I stood up, thanked her, and went straight home to apologize to my son and parents.
Since recognizing my problems, I managed to let go of sentiment, and kept reminding myself that I should not let any attachment dominate me. I should tolerate his shortcomings with compassion and forbearance.
Without the interference of sentiment, I became more patient, considerate and took his feelings into account. He also gradually changed for the better. He has become more positive and cheerful, and he’s willing to follow my guidance.