(Minghui.org) I have recently been bothered by strong feelings of resentment. I realized that I should spend some time calmly studying the teachings of Falun Dafa and looking within. It was time to take a serious look at my own cultivation.
I began to memorize Zhuan Falun, word by word. Despite strong interference from thought karma (old notions and thoughts that are very hard to let go, to the extent that they develop a "life of their own"), I made up my mind to finish memorizing the book. I also found Master Li Hongzhi’s (Falun Dafa's founder) other lectures on resentment and memorized them. I hand-copied and then memorized the parts that were most relevant to my problem.
In the process, the bad and degenerate substances in my mind kept interfering with me. I didn’t let them stop me, and continued memorizing the Fa. I knew my uninterrupted effort itself was already eliminating the bad substances.
It sometimes took me a day to memorize a short paragraph of the Fa and yet I still couldn’t remember it well. Then the next day, I tried it again. I could feel strongly how my resentment struggled to avoid being eliminated.
With my continued effort, my mind became clearer and my field got brighter. It became much easier for me to memorize the Fa.
While memorizing Zhuan Falun, I would only move on after I could recall every word in the previous paragraph from memory. When I had difficulty remembering any paragraph, I would repeatedly memorize it and Dafa's principles would always reveal some higher understanding to me. The feeling of elevation in cultivation is so beautiful that I can’t describe it in words.
I kept looking within to identify and eliminate my shortcomings. I told myself that I have to cherish every minute and every second. Every time I had conflicts with someone, I knew it was Master Li who was hinting at my problem. I understood that everything was in fact a test arranged by Master after He saw my heart for making improvement in my cultivation.
I found that behind my resentment, there was sentimentality, which came from the attachment to myself. I wondered why it took so long for me to understand this principle and see the connection between my attachments.
I said to Master in my heart, “Dear Master, I am sorry to have you worry about me all the time.”
On the other hand, whenever I was able to find my attachment, I felt my whole world lighting up and expanding. When I thought about those people or things that had made me upset, I felt that they were so distant from me. I no longer bore any resentment towards them, but only “Forbearance.” I realized that I didn’t live up to Master’s and sentient beings’ expectations by resenting people who upset me.
All beings came for Dafa (the Great Law). They have been struggling in the delusion and suffering of the world, yet I didn’t help them, but often loathed them. When I thought of them again, what appeared in my mind was no longer their sad faces or furrowed brows, but expectant smiles. They are waiting for me to ascend in my cultivation and explain to them the truth about Falun Dafa and the Chinese Communist Party’s persecution of Dafa.
For a long time, I had constant conflicts with my mother, who is also a practitioner. Through looking within this time around, I finally realized how precious a fellow practitioner my mother is. Everything she did was like a mirror, reflecting my own problems. But I had fixed my eyes on her problems and missed so many opportunities to cultivate myself.
Master has constantly asked us to study the Fa, look within and measure each and every thought against the Fa-principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. I thought I did well in doing the three things, only to realize now how far I was from reaching the Fa’s requirement. Only when we truly cultivate ourselves well, will the Fa’s omnipotent power and beauty be revealed to us.
My mother recommended a fellow practitioner’s article about selfishness and ego to me. What the practitioner talked about was exactly what I needed to cultivate away. After reading the article, I realized that I had been stuck in my selfishness for so long and had stagnated in cultivation.
From now on, I’m determined to let go of the attachment to myself and diligently cultivate my heart. I was reminded of the sacred pact I signed with Master before coming to this world. Sentient beings are anxiously waiting for me to awaken them. Only when I let go of myself and my attachments, will I be able to do that.
Now, when I’m doing the exercises and sending forth righteous thoughts, I feel negative qi (bad energy) coming out of my body. I know that Master is clearing the substance of resentment that has built up in my body for so long. Thank you, Master!
Editor's note: Views expressed in this article represent the author's own opinions, for which the author is solely responsible. Readers should evaluate the article's merits on their own.