(Minghui.org) In late 2011 when I was in junior high school, I began to practice Falun Dafa. Now I am a young Dafa practitioner who is about to graduate from college. My cultivation state was as if I was on a roller coaster. Sometimes I couldn’t recall that I was a Dafa practitioner.
Only with the outbreak of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) virus – coronavirus, did I begin to truly face my attachments. I finally felt that I knew how to be a cultivator. Something happened recently that made me realize there is nothing accidental in our cultivation.
I often read sharing articles on the Minghui website on how practitioners managed to let go of their attachments and human notions. I always felt those articles targeted me. Although I’m young, I have formed many human notions, which affected my attitude and decision-making. I also had a hard time looking inward.
Only recently did I realize that all along I didn’t truly assimilate myself in the Fa, but rather followed my own notions when cultivating.
My mother, also a practitioner, often said that when she studied the Fa, she saw every word giving off wonderful blue rays of light. One time, she asked me, “When you study the Fa, do you see anything extraordinary?”
Her question made me feel that something was amiss, as I never had such wonderful feelings. Moreover, I often couldn’t absorb myself into the Fa, and couldn't see the inner meanings behind it.
Officials from the local Political and Legal Affairs Committee teamed up with the police and personnel from the management committee and came to my college in late January 2021.
They tried to deceive me with their fake kindness and wanted me to persuade my mother to sign their guarantee statements to stop practicing Falun Dafa. They also pretended they’d find a good job for her if she signed the statements.
But, they actually set up a brainwashing center in the community and had my mother go there every day. They often went to my dad’s company as well to harass him. When my mother couldn’t stand the pressure any longer, she decided to leave home to avoid further harassment.
A woman from the Political and Legal Affairs Committee, who was in charge of “transforming” practitioners, asked me if I knew how to send righteous thoughts and do the five sets of the exercises. I thought that I should behave in an upright manner, and told her that I did. I didn't think that practitioners should not cooperate with the evil.
The same woman came to my college four days later. It was said that the college management held a meeting and decided to hold a three-day “study session” for the purpose of getting me to renounce my belief in Dafa. I knew nobody could shake my will when it came to cultivation, and that I should never sign their guarantee statements, although I still had a strong attachment to fear. As a result, sometimes I felt that I was very righteous, but other times I would be very scared.
On the first day, I argued with the woman non-stop. That night, only after I finished sending righteous thoughts in the dorm, and logged onto the Minghui website, did I realize that I shouldn’t have acted that way. But what I didn’t realize was that I shouldn’t have cooperated with her from the very beginning, and should have refused to attend the evil “study session”.
During the following two days, I didn’t argue with her anymore. No matter what she said, I quietly sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the dark minions and rotten demons that were controlling her. When she saw me being quiet and stopped arguing she took that as a sign that she had succeeded in “transforming” me.
Then my cunning thoughts cropped up. When she tried to lure me into writing the guarantee statements, I wanted to stall for time. So I said that I needed to think it over and I’d put it off until I went home for the winter break, which would start in a few days.
Later, through Fa-study and reading other sharing articles, I realized that the way I handled this matter had exposed many of my attachments.
I considered it was an upright thing to do to admit I was a Dafa practitioner to those wanting to persecute me. However, that was due to my human notions of being so-called “honest”, “brave” and “showing off” at play. I forgot what Master said about not cooperating with the evil. I am a practitioner, how could I not listen to Master, but rather hold onto my human notions, and not want to let them go?
Not until I read Master’s book Essentials for Further Advancement during the 2021 Chinese New Year, did I come to see my problems. When I felt that a passage of the Fa fit my thinking did I have a strong interest in it; otherwise, especially to the content related to scientific knowledge, I still had questions in my mind.
Master said,
“Do you know that one of the biggest excuses the old evil forces use at present to persecute Dafa is that your fundamental attachments remain concealed? So in order to identify those people, the tribulations have been made more severe. If you’re attached to Dafa’s consistency with humans’ science, they manipulate wicked human beings to spread lies that Dafa is "superstitious"; if you’re attached to Dafa’s power to heal illness, they manipulate wicked human beings to spread lies that Dafa forbids people to take medicine and that this has led to 1,400 deaths; even if you say that Dafa isn’t involved in politics, they have wicked human beings spread lies that Dafa and Li Hongzhi have foreign political forces behind them, and so forth; if you say that Dafa collects no fees, they say that Master has sought to accumulate wealth through dishonest means. Whatever you’re attached to, they have evil ones concoct lies about that. Even if you’re afraid that Dafa is being damaged, they fabricate articles allegedly written by Master. Think about it: the enormous test at present is exactly to see how Dafa fares and how students conduct themselves in Master’s absence. How could Master speak out? How could I again tell you what to do? Additionally, they manipulate wicked human beings to examine Dafa and its disciples, putting them through a comprehensive and destructive test that targets all human thoughts and attachments. Had you truly been able to get rid of those fundamental human attachments in your cultivation, this last tribulation would not have been so vicious.” (“Towards Consummation,” Essentials for Further Advancement II)
This passage was just like a heavy hammer hitting me. It was my fundamental attachments that I had held onto that made the old forces continue to interfere with me.
When I pretended to work with them by saying that I’d think about writing the guarantee statements later, it was to temporarily escape the problems that I had to face. This also came down to fear.
Dafa practitioners must walk on their cultivation paths in a noble manner. I shouldn’t cooperate with the evil, and shouldn’t use cunning ways to pretend that I would cooperate with them.
Fellow practitioners used righteous thoughts to negate the persecution, but I tried to use cunning ways. I felt so shameful.
I had a relatively peaceful winter break. However, I always thought that they’d come back and try to pressure me through the college management.
Some people came to my college again on March 8, 2021. They called a meeting with the management. I wanted to clarify the facts to them, but was told to wait outside until the meeting ended.
I stood waiting by the window near the meeting room on the fifth floor and watched the students downstairs passing by. I suddenly felt everything in the human world had nothing to do with me. When I stood outside the meeting room, hearing people mentioning my name inside, I felt as if they were talking about someone else.
I am a Dafa practitioner. I came here to assimilate to the Fa. Master asked us to expose the evil, clarify the facts and help save sentient beings, I should just do these things. As to everything else, it has nothing to do with me. Whatever managers or CCP officials, regardless of the titles they hold, are all sentient beings to be saved. They are also Master’s family members.
Master said, “Good or evil comes from that instant thought.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
If the meeting was to provide an opportunity for the management to learn the truth, then wouldn’t it be a good thing? I must awaken their conscience.
When I was invited to the meeting, and started talking, some remained quiet, while others constantly talked back. I firmly thought: Don’t be afraid, every one of them is positioning themselves. Though I only talked for a few minutes, I believed what I said was right.
It was only at that time did I gain a deeper understanding of what it meant to be a Dafa practitioner. I am also a particle of Dafa. Thus, what excuses could I use to be attached to the ending time of the Fa-rectification? What reasonable excuses could I still use to be attached to comfort, lust, jealousy, and resentment?