(Minghui.org) My mother started to practice Falun Dafa in 1997 when I was five years old, which was undoubtedly a great blessing for me.
She went to another practitioner’s home every day to study the Fa, and I became her “little tail,” following her everywhere. I sat and listened while my mom and fellow practitioners read the Fa out loud.
They also gave me a copy of the book Zhuan Falun. Although I could not read it, I held onto it and watched; when they turned a page, I turned a page. When they were teaching my mom the five Dafa exercises, I learned them too. I remembered the movements clearly. I could also recite some poems from Hong Yin after listening to my mom recite them several times.
One day, my mom planned to go to the township for group practice and leave me at home. Of course, I wanted to go with her, so I cried and screamed. She had no choice but to take me with her. I remember very clearly that I was placed in the front row at the practice site. It was the first time I was able to do the second exercise (Falun Standing Stance) without putting my arms down part way through.
As a child, I was very involved in the practice. Although I didn’t understand all the principles, I always remembered the fundamental qualities that we adhere to in daily life: Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. When some children bullied me in preschool, I remembered the three precious words. I should bear the things I encountered, so I didn't start a conflict with them. At that time, I told everyone in school that my mom practiced Falun Dafa, and that Dafa was wonderful. Even the teachers knew that I was a practitioner.
But the peaceful time did not last long. The persecution of Falun Dafa started on July 20, 1999. I always knew the goodness of Dafa. When my mom learned that the self-immolation in Tiananmen Square had been staged, she told me right away.
But I didn’t understand why people would slander the founder, Master Li, and Dafa like they did. My teachers and school director threatened me, saying, “Stop practicing, or you will be expelled.” At that time, I didn’t know any better, so I nodded in agreement. Now I regret what I did. I was often bullied at school from then on, but never forgot that I was a Dafa practitioner. I needed to follow the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.
My mom went to Tiananmen Square three times to appeal for Falun Dafa. She was illegally detained five times, sent to brainwashing classes three times, placed in forced labor camps twice, and was nearly persecuted to death.
The persecution of my mom also brought great harm to my family and me. I was in the fifth grade at that time. The lies promulgated by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) poisoned my teachers and classmates. They thought practitioners were bad people like they were portrayed in the propaganda broadcast on TV. My teachers often cursed at and punished me for no reason. Although I had excellent grades, I was punished and made to stand in the most prominent location in the classroom every day.
When my mom was arrested and our home was ransacked, no one encouraged me to study the Fa and do the exercises. My father was already grumpy, and the police often came to our house to threaten us, which made him even more irritable. In that environment, I stopped doing the practice.
I became an everyday person and even forgot about Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. I grew up in daily quarrels with my father. I was resentful that my father didn't get my mom out of the labor camps and resented that he took it out on me when he was unhappy. I became the most problematic, rebellious teenager in middle school, high school, and even college. This rebellious period lasted much longer than it did for my peers.
In fact, in my junior year of high school, my mom was granted medical parole and came home. When my dad carried my mom into the house, I started a big argument with her. But I knew very well in my heart that Dafa was good, and I witnessed Master Li pull my mom back from death again and again.
I knew it was very hard for my dad. He was afraid every day that my mom would be taken away. When she was arrested by the police, he was worried that she would be tortured and treated badly. At the same time, he had to earn money to support the family. He worried about the family and the outside world, so he was actually under a lot of pressure.
But I couldn’t control myself. I was calm when I was away from home; but after stepping into the house, I inexplicably lost my temper most of the time for no reason. I later learned this was interference caused by demons. The bad behavior caused by my demonic nature was not the real me!
When I got a job, my mom often encouraged me to study the Fa. She tried every possible way to get me to study the Fa. I knew that Dafa was good, and I wanted to continue practicing, but my demonic nature would take over and make me angry with my mom. In fact, I wanted to study the Fa. Sometimes I would read Zhuan Falun for a few days, become lazy, and then stop. These actions were caused by demons. I should have sent righteous thoughts to eliminate them; but at that time, I didn’t know how to do that.
I was a medical student and working in the ICU. I saw people die every day. Sometimes the patient’s body was decomposing before the family would stop treatment. I often had to do cadaver care, sometimes late at night by myself; but I was never afraid.
Every time I came home from work, however, I would have nightmares. I then started to experience nightmares almost every day, whether I was sleeping during the day or at night. I encountered all kinds of ghosts chasing me in my dreams. I would see all sorts of scary things that sometimes woke me up. After being awake for a while, I went back to sleep, and the frightening dreams continued.
Sometimes, I dreamed that the family dolls, money storage jars, and various animals came after me. I even asked my mom to throw away all the dolls in the house. But the nightmares continued to follow me. I was terrified when I looked at the bed but, nonetheless, had to sleep.
I finally remembered Dafa and fully took up cultivation on Christmas Day in 2017. I was very happy that day; I hadn't felt that joyful since I was a teenager. At the same time, remorse soon set in. I had wasted 15 precious years! I was afraid that I wasn't worthy of being a Dafa disciple during the Fa-rectification period. I apologized to Master for my past behavior time and time again.
But as a Dafa disciple, I have to be firm in my cultivation. I gave up feeling resentful toward my dad. In cultivation, I know that it is my fault when I am in any kind of conflict.
I need to work on my laziness, as I often want to skip doing the exercises. I also need to get rid of a competitive mentality and human sentimentality of all kinds. I will look inward during any conflict, do well with the three things, strive to be a qualified Dafa disciple, and catch up with the progress of the Fa-rectification.