(Minghui.org) I started practicing Falun Dafa when I was in elementary school, and I'm now nearly middle-aged. When I was a child, I went with my mother to attend group Fa study, and I participated in activities to introduce the practice.
After the the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) began persecuting Falun Dafa on July 20, 1999, I joined our local truth-clarification materials site. Since I was one of the few young practitioners, I was assigned a lot of technical work, and I did it for many years.
As I grew up and became more and more involved in my family and everyday job affairs, my time became tight. In addition, after working on truth-clarification materials for so long, I became numb, and thought, “When will Fa-rectification end? When can I stop making materials?”
Although I realized this thought was wrong and immediately rejected it, I did not pay attention to the negative effect it had on my doing the three things. I send righteous thoughts to eliminate that thought which was caused by my wish to relax, and numbness. I instead gave the thought justification, thinking, after all, I had been doing this for so many years. That subtle thought was the beginning of today’s loophole.
Later on something major happened to my family and I suffered a big tribulation. I had to stop making truth-clarification materials, as my normal life was disrupted. I was busy every day for the sake of my family. When the problems couldn’t be solved, I lowered my standard little by little to accommodate everyday people, and my excuse was to maximally conform to the state of everyday people.
However, the more I accommodated everyday people, the more was demanded of me, and the longer the tribulation lasted. I finally became exhausted and gave up. I thought, “The goal is not necessarily something I must achieve. It’s okay as long as I did it with my heart.” I told myself not to be attached to the results, look at things with righteous thoughts, and let it go.
One day, a seemingly accidental event allowed something that hadn’t been resolved for several years to be resolved in two months.
Earlier this year, my wife (who is not a practitioner) took our seven-month-old baby girl to a physical checkup. The baby was found to have anemia and a low platelet count. The doctor had her hospitalized to find the cause. I thought it was probably due to malnutrition because her only food was infant formula.
A few days later, the attending doctor told me, “The conventional laboratory tests could not help us find the cause, but we suspect it is a malignant blood disease.” I was startled and thought, “Something must be wrong! All Dafa disciples’ children came for the Fa.”
I realized this was interference, and increased the duration of sending righteous thoughts every day. I also looked inward to examine what loophole had been taken advantage of by the evil.
I asked fellow practitioners to help send righteous thoughts. A fellow practitioner told me, “Be calm. Don’t look at it with a human heart, but with righteous thoughts.”
A week passed, and the hospital had done a lot of tests. The doctor told me, “We still can’t find the cause. It doesn’t look anything similar to the known blood diseases. We suggest that you take her to doctors in Beijing or Tianjin.”
I thought about it, and found it very strange. No diagnosis means the matter is not yet determined. I must strengthen my righteous thoughts, find the cause, and negate it. I admit that I had slacked off in my cultivation for a few years. I was too busy with work and family to persist in Fa study, and my mind could not concentrate while studying the Fa.
A few days later, my wife and I took our baby to Tianjin for a checkup, and managed to secure a bed in the hospital. A lot of tests were done on the baby, and she suffered a lot. The doctor told us that the results would be available in a week.
Only one parent was allowed to stay with the baby, so my wife stayed in the hospital, and I traveled between the hospital and the hotel every day to bring food and necessities to my wife. When I was alone in the hotel, I studied the Fa, sent righteous thoughts, and looked inside.
A week passed. The doctor said, “It’s hard to tell. I have to wait for all the test results to become available before I can discuss it with our chief doctors. It’s really difficult to diagnose.”
When I returned to the hotel, I called my fellow practitioner and told him about the situation. He comforted me and said, “No results is good news.” He told me about a dream he had. He dreamed I was sitting on the ground in front of my house, and although many people were trying to pull me up, I just wouldn’t get up. I was holding a bowl with a small hole at the bottom.
The practitioner and I both realized the “hole” meant “omission.” The question was, what was the omission? He said, “Only you can understand it, because you know your own situation best. Look inside. If it is a big problem, you would have found it long ago. It may be something small, yet important.”
As a Dafa disciple, my firm belief in Master and Dafa has never wavered. I have never committed wrongdoings against the principles. I played back my experiences over the past few years in my mind and found nothing.
One day, as I was bringing food to my wife, I saw many people talking about something nervously, with a painful expressions. I asked my wife what happened.
She said, “An eight or nine year old finally finished chemotherapy and was about to be discharged. While the mother was in the bathroom, the child played on the bed, accidentally fell off and got hurt. Bleeding is fatal for Leukemia patients. Now all of the medical staff are doing emergency rescue on the child.”
After a while, we heard the child’s mother weeping in the ICU; the child had passed away.
Alas! I sighed, “Humans! So miserable! May the Fa-rectification end quickly. Once it’s over, no one will suffer anymore.” As soon as I said it, I realized it was very wrong.
My wife said, “You haven’t realized it, but from time to time, when you run into difficulties and feel helpless about something, you say such negative things.”
I was alarmed. Sometimes I say things casually, and when I say them often, it forms an attachment without me realizing it, yet I thought the thought was reasonable. I have had some hardships and difficulties in the past, therefore when I see others suffering, that thought manifests.
I looked inward when I returned to the hotel. I remembered the fellow practitioner’s dream. I suddenly enlightened, wasn’t this the attachment hinted at in the dream?
In the dream, I was sitting on the ground refusing to get up, wasn’t that slacking off? Holding the bowl in my hand, wasn’t I waiting for the completion of the Fa-rectification? Wasn’t the small hole at the bottom of the bowl referring to the omission caused by this attachment?
I had been practicing Dafa for so many years, and firmly believe that I am a Dafa practitioner. But I realized I had developed a negative mentality and wanted to avoid hardships after having undergone so many. In the face of hardships, I felt helpless, and sighed in despair. This is not right! I should get my spirits up.
“Tempering the Will…Let joy be found in hardship....”(Hong Yin, Translation Version A)
In my understanding, in the face of hardships, I should not take it too seriously; my heart should not become negative by what hardship brings. I should face all situations optimistically. Everyday people are watching me. How would they interpret my negativity? “Are all Falun Dafa practitioners like this? It seems like they are always looking at the negative side.” Therefore, I must maintain my image as a Dafa disciple.
The next day, I brought food to my wife. Although we were both in a bad mood, I had to take the lead to cheer us up. She was in a much better mood under my influence.
Another week passed, and the diagnosis still hadn’t come out. I asked the doctor, and he said, “Malignant blood disease should be ruled out.” I was very happy to hear that and said, “Then let’s treat the child.” The doctor said, “A treatment plan will come out in two days.”
After two days, the doctor told me, “Be prepared, the situation may change, and malignant blood disease is not ruled out.” The hospital still wasn’t quite sure what the disease was and wanted us to stay for a longer period of time so they could treat and observe at the same time (most patients there were long-term).
Our baby did not look sick. I realized it was not a good idea to stay in the hospital any longer. I told my wife, “Let’s go home! The baby is suffering here.”
When we got home, I insisted that our child listen to the recordings of Master’s lectures. When she played by herself, I put the audio player next to her; when I read the Fa, I let her listen; when I did the exercises, I let her watch.
One night while I was meditating, a paragraph from Master’s Fa flashed in my mind. I understood that what happened to our baby was different from what happened to me. I had no idea how to handle it. This was because I didn’t realize that what happened to my child was another form of testing my faith in Master and the Fa.
I started to send righteous thoughts, clear distracting thoughts from myself, and ask Master to strengthen my righteous thoughts.
After returning from Tianjin, we did not have any treatment done to our baby except blood work every week and infusion of some nutrients occasionally. One day, our baby’s blood indicators went up; a few days later, they went up further. In less than a month, our baby’s blood indicators were close to normal.
This is Master’s compassion and Dafa’s power!
Through this incident I realized that when hardships led to suffering, I couldn’t avoid it and bore it passively, thus slackening off in my cultivation. I couldn’t reflect on the Fa to see why this happened. Without my realizing it, I formed an attachment. I want to correct myself, do the three things well, and keep up with the Fa-rectification progress.
Thank you, Master, for your merciful salvation!