(Minghui.org) It has been more than 24 years since I started to practice Falun Dafa. I participated in the peaceful appeal for Falun Gong in Beijing on April 25, 1999. I have been doing the three things Master asked practitioners to do. Yet, I felt I was not truly following Master’s requirements. Recently, the old forces almost succeeded in taking my life. I realized that I must eliminate my human notions.
I visited my daughter in the U.S. in 2019, and have been living in her home. In June 2020, I suddenly felt so weak that I was unable to get out of bed.
I tried to look inward to see what my loophole was, but I did not find it. My daughter, who is also a practitioner, and I sent righteous thoughts. There seemed no improvement in my condition.
The next week, I was asleep most of the time. Only being alert occasionally, I was unable to eat except for a few sips of rice soup. My entire body felt terrible. I said to my daughter, “I’m so uncomfortable. I wish I would have died.”
I was not very conscious when I said this. In fact I don’t even remember saying it. In the evening my daughter found me unconscious, and I had breathing difficulties. She immediately called an ambulance.
I was taken to a hospital. My daughter told me later that I was put on a ventilator. My blood sugar level was dangerously high. I had kidney failure, which required dialysis immediately. The doctor told my daughter to prepare for the worst.
Being a practitioner, my daughter asked Master for help. She kept sending righteous thoughts while waiting outside the emergency ward. She also notified local practitioners to send righteous thoughts for me.
After the emergency treatment, I was taken to the ICU, but remained unconscious.
The next day I was still unconscious. My daughter brought a recorder with Master’s lectures to the hospital and asked a nurse to play it for me. After hearing the lecture recording, I regained consciousness in the evening. On the third day, when my daughter played the Dafa music “Pu Du” to me through the phone, tears covered my face. On the fourth day, I opened my eyes and moved my fingers. On the fifth day, I could lift my arms and legs and I was able to urinate. On the seventh day, I was taken off the ventilator and was transferred to the general ward.
After I regained consciousness completely, I again felt uncomfortable. I lay in a hospital bed. A thought suddenly came to me: “It would be better to have died than to suffer like this!” I even had a thought of begging Master to let me die. Soon, another thought – my real thought – appeared in my mind: “I cannot die. If I die, my relatives and friends would misunderstand Dafa. I should not die. I should not ruin Dafa’s reputation!”
My thought denied the old forces' arrangement. I was able to eat afterwards, and was discharged from the hospital on the 14th day.
When I was discharged, my whole body was affected with edema. My right leg could not move. The doctor said that my kidney was not functioning, and I must continue to undergo dialysis, three times a week, in order to clean up the toxins in my blood.
I thought, “I am a Dafa practitioner. My blood is not supposed to be cleaned by dialysis.” So I told my daughter and her husband that I would not continue dialysis.
My son-in-law is not a practitioner. He insisted that I should do dialysis. He and my daughter then carried me to a doctor. I asked the doctor if it was all right not to do it. The doctor said I would die or need to call an ambulance just like last time.
I told my daughter and son-in-law that I did not want to do dialysis. I said that I wished the tube for dialysis in my body would be removed. But the doctor at the dialysis center said that they do not insert or remove those tubes. A month and a half after I stopped dialysis, my daughter took me to another doctor who could remove the tube. The doctor read my blood test report and then said that the toxin level in my blood was dangerously high. He said my kidney was not working and I should be immediately admitted to the hospital and undergo dialysis. Otherwise, I would have difficulty breathing and may die.
I thought, “I do not need dialysis. I have my Master.” Considering that my-son-in law was not a practitioner, I asked my daughter to call him first and tell him my opinion. My son-in-law responded on the phone, “I am an ordinary person. I would, of course, listen to the doctor. But you and your mother are different. You are practitioners. You should decide for yourselves.”
I knew right away that Master was giving me a hint. I told my daughter, “I won’t do dialysis. Let’s go home.”
Master said:
“What's important for cultivators is righteous thoughts. When you have strong righteous thoughts, you are able to withstand anything and do anything. That's because you are a cultivator: someone who is on a divine path and who is not controlled by the factors of ordinary people or low-level principles. ” (“Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles”)
Two days later, my daughter asked me one more time if I would consider dialysis. I answered firmly, “I won’t do dialysis. Please ask the doctor to remove the tube.” I was relaxed when the tube was removed.
The doctor suggested that I not put salt on my food, and also gave a list of foods that I should not eat. I ignored it. I didn't think my kidney had any problems. Taking in salt will not cause me to have edema. I told my daughter to put salt in dishes as she normally did, as I wasn't sick.
Three months passed since I stopped dialysis, and the edema gradually disappeared. My urination returned to normal.
I understood that Master cleansed my body, since I did not acknowledge the old forces’ arrangement.
“When disciples have ample righteous thoughtsMaster has the power to turn back the tide” (“The Master-Disciple Bond,” Hong Yin Volume II)
After the test of life and death, I looked carefully at my own cultivation. I found some of my fundamental attachments, as well as long-established human notions.
Affection to Family
I had a strong affection to my family members. Since I came to the U.S., I often thought of my hometown, my sister, brother, and other relatives, who helped me a lot after my husband passed away 19 years ago. I missed them because they were considerate and caring toward me. They helped me a lot – at an ordinary people’s level, but not at the cultivation level.
I saw that my attachment to family members has been one of my fundamental attachments. I have been judging things by the human notions I acquired from the human world.
Looking Inward
When conflicts occurred, I did not look inward. Instead, I was upset and angry. My son-in-law is not a practitioner. He often yells at home, and he has mysophobia. I dislike him. On the surface I was polite toward him, in fact I found him very annoying. When he yells at my daughter, my affection to my daughter made me angry at him. I did not look inward. I felt resentment. I even thought of suggesting that my daughter leave him and return to our hometown with me. This situation had troubled me for a while. It was a direct reason that caused my sickness karma and landed me in the hospital.
Master said:
“Human judgment of good and bad is based entirely on people’s own notions. People think, “I think he’s good…” or “He’s good to me, so I would say he’s good.” Or he has formed a set notion, and, if according to his notion someone is good, he will say that person is good.” (“The Decline of Mankind and Dangerous Notions,” Zhuan Falun, Volume II)
“Zhen-Shan-Ren is the Sole Criterion to Discern Good and Bad People.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
I was using my human notions to judge others. I did not look inward at all. I did not behave like a practitioner. The old forces took advantage of this loophole of mine.
Attachments, Including Illness Karma
Besides, there was my fear of coming down with an illness. When I felt uncomfortable, I was worried that I had diabetes. I kept comparing my symptoms with diabetes patients, which led to the false image of diabetes. In fact I had this fear for many years. I was ashamed to admit it. I realized now that only by studying the Fa well and sending righteous thoughts more, could I get rid of this fear, and eliminate the false image of illness karma caused by it.
I also found that I did not trust Master and Dafa completely. When I felt ill, I doubted whether Master was still taking care of me. I was attached to when the Fa-rectification will end, since I hoped I could be relieved from suffering soon. I also had attachments of jealousy, showing off, seeking fame and gain, and impatience.
I now see that my recent tribulation was a result of my human notions and attachments, which have been obstructions to my cultivation. The old forces took the opportunity and wanted to take my life. I must cultivate better and eliminate these attachments.
Master saved me from the recent tribulation and gave me another chance to redeem myself.
Master said:
“Changes have to come from one’s very nature. That’s why I’ve said that cultivation is a very serious thing. It’s useless if you don’t truly change yourselves from your very nature. ” (Teachings at the Conference of Changchun Assistants)
I deeply experienced the seriousness of cultivation. It cannot be perfunctory. Doing the three things on the surface is not enough. True cultivation is to break through human notions and measure myself with the standard of the Fa constantly.
Although I have not been able to rid myself of all human notions, I made a decision to change myself and truly walk the cultivation path. After I understood this, my physical condition improved rapidly, and I no longer feel sleepy when sending righteous thoughts.
During the final, limited time left, I shall cultivate more diligently, fulfill my prehistorical vows, and repay Master’s concern for me. I would also like to thank my fellow practitioners for their kind and selfless help.