(Minghui.org) After retirement, my daily life shifted from a work environment to a family environment, with new xinxing tests surfacing in my family. I’d like to share with other practitioners how I broke away from the interference of sentimentality. I replaced resentment, jealousy, and suspicion with tolerance, peace, and altruism.
After I retired, the first thing I set out to do was to study all of Master Li’s (Falun Dafa's founder) Fa teachings systematically. In the beginning, I was absorbing everything and learning the Fa by heart. I compared myself to its standards and constantly improved my xinxing and gained new understandings.
However, after a period of time, disruption came. My husband inadvertently took our son’s phone, and our son mistook his father’s phone for his. Our son opened WeChat and browsed through the message threads. Suddenly, a woman’s voice popped up, “I’ve already divorced, why haven’t you divorced your wife?” My husband’s voice replied, “Hold on.”
This hurt me so much. It was as if someone stabbed me in the heart! No wonder my husband had been treating his phone like a treasure and didn't allow anyone to touch it. Then I remembered that I am a practitioner.
Master Li said in his poem “Abiding in the Dao:”
“Looking, but caring not to see—Free of delusion and doubt.Listening, but caring not to hear—A mind so hard to disturb.”
(Hong Yin, Translation Version A)
Master also said:
“But normally when a problem arises, if it does not irritate a person psychologically, it does not count or is useless and cannot make him or her improve. Accordingly, his mind cannot get over it and is still bothered by it. It could be that his mind is hooked on it. He always wants to turn around to look at the faces of those two people.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
I didn’t want to confront my husband just yet. However, I couldn’t help unburdening my grief to friends and relatives. They said the woman seemed to be serious and warned me that in today’s corrupt society, people would rather despise poverty than prostitution; it is normal for women to show off their “sugar daddy” without shame.
They advised me, “You have retired and are past your prime. Do not be so foolish as to file for divorce. Be on your guard.”
I then started to track my husband’s whereabouts and check how much cash was gone from his wallet. When he was shaving, I joked, “Who are you dating today?” At other times, I asked, “You didn’t come home for dinner today. Who did you have dinner with?” “It’s late; how come you’re not home yet?”
These repeated questions upset my husband. I was disturbed as well. I couldn’t concentrate on Fa-study. When I was out doing truth-clarification, I always wanted to stop by the entertainment center to check on my husband, since he often went there. If I didn’t find him, I became suspicious.
I was dominated by my human side and forgot to treat myself as a practitioner. My husband complained to my daughter, “Your mother is now retired and has nothing better to do. I’m not controlling her, but she’s trying to control me. How can life go on like this?”
My daughter called and said, “Mom, you’re a practitioner. When problems arise, you can’t just look at others, you have to look inside yourself!”
I used to think that I was able to handle this test well and pass it. I realized I wasn’t there yet. Similar things happened in the past, but those affairs were not so obvious. I made it through with a pure heart and firm belief in Master and Dafa. It was Master’s blessing and protection that helped me through.
Looking back, I regained good health soon after practicing Dafa. Guided by the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, I worked hard, cared little about personal gain, and got along with my neighbors. At home, I was a good wife and mother.
Amid the moral decline in society, my husband had affairs. However, he was not serious about them and always came back to me. His knowing side must have seen Dafa’s genuineness and beauty.
When the persecution of Dafa was rampant, I risked losing my family by resisting threats of divorce from my husband. I also risked my attractive job by resisting the pressure from my superiors to stop practicing. I persisted in practicing Dafa.
Through righteous thoughts, I understood that the true meaning of life is to return to one’s original true self and that my mission is to assist Master in Fa-rectification and awaken people to the truth about Falun Dafa and the persecution. The world is waiting for this moment. Under Master’s strengthening and protection, I ended up losing nothing.
However, cultivation is serious, and the standard is getting higher and higher. All my human thoughts must be removed. My husband was always a male chauvinist with a bad temper. He had to have the final say in everything, or else he would hit me.
I was afraid of him, and I accommodated him. I did not hit back or curse back as Dafa requires, but deep down I resented him.
Moreover, under the toxic influence of atheism and the theory of evolution, I couldn’t give such a great Dafa a correct place in my heart. I couldn’t practice openly and nobly and dared not to clarify the truth to my husband.
My fear of my husband created a loophole for the old forces to take advantage of, and my home became a battlefield. With my slightest carelessness, my husband would target me with domestic violence or give me the cold shoulder. We were in a prolonged cold war in which my grievances and resentment grew.
My husband began going out to look for women and pleasure. His attitude towards me changed from violent intervention to cold war, then on to completely ignoring me. This was the time when I retired. I thought my life would be more stable after retirement, but instead, I felt abandoned, sad, resentful, and jealous. It was as if what belonged to me was taken away by others.
Now that I think about it, wasn’t it exactly because of these human attachments that this situation occurred? Such persecution is the outer manifestation, and I must cultivate my inner self to bring peace to the outside.
Cultivation must focus on xinxing. Thus, I examined myself and realized that, even though I was diligent in studying the Fa, I did not truly cultivate.
“You should always be benevolent and kind to others, and consider others when doing anything. Whenever you encounter a problem, you should first consider whether others can put up with this matter or if it will hurt anyone. In doing so, there will not be any problems. Therefore, in cultivation practice you should follow a higher and higher standard for yourself.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
I began to change myself and took the initiative to communicate with my husband. I always sent righteous thoughts beforehand.
I grounded myself in the Fa, took my husband’s viewpoint into consideration and showed understanding of his position. I said to him, “During the 20 plus years of persecution, especially after I filed a criminal complaint against Jiang Zemin [former head of the Chinese Communist Party], you overcame all the pressure, and we made it to today. It was not easy, and you suffered to be with me.”
At the same time, I told him not to think that my practice would affect the family negatively; on the contrary, the improvement of my physical and mental health has benefited our family.
I also shared my view that marital affairs would destroy both families involved. I said I hoped he would come home earlier. A human body's biological clock reveals that falling asleep before 11 p.m. is vital, as the gallbladder meridian is in charge from 11 p.m. to 1 a.m., releasing bile and detoxifying.
My husband listened attentively and sat up in bed, “Okay. No matter what happens, I will not divorce you.”
It was through persistently establishing compassionate communication with my husband that my resentment toward him was gradually diminished.
From then on, my husband no longer came home that late. I also called him before each meal to tell him that dinner was ready. Sometimes, he did not come home for dinner but would call ahead of time to let me know. I occasionally wondered if he went to see that woman again, but then gradually managed to restrain that bad thought by referencing the Fa.
“There is another type of person. Someone was told in the past that he had spirit or animal possession. He felt that way as well. However, upon having it removed for him, his mind still worries about it. He always thinks that the condition still exists. He still thinks that it is there, and this is already an attachment called suspicion. As time passes, this person may bring it to himself again. One should give up this attachment, as this spirit or animal possession no longer exists.” (Lecture Three, Zhuan Falun)
As soon as an incorrect thought popped up, I realized it was interference and my attachment of suspicion, not the true me. This way, my righteous thoughts became stronger and stronger. Any bad thoughts, such as suspicion, resentment, and jealousy became weaker and weaker. What replaced them were tolerance, understanding, peace, and compassion.
Recently, after our daily group Fa-study, the other practitioners and I read the book How the Specter of Communism Is Ruling Our World. It made me more aware of the specter’s tricks.
I related the specter's tricks to my situation. I saw that the old forces arranged to interfere with my family, using the resentment, jealousy, and suspicion of a Dafa practitioner’s human side and her husband’s demonic side to create separation and corrupt our morality. But that plan has been shattered!
Dafa has rectified my heart, changed my husband, and improved our family environment. At present, I am making more truth-clarification calendars with a purer heart to awaken more people. Although it’s a hard and tiring task, my heart is surefooted.