(Minghui.org) Where did we come from, and where are we going? What’s the meaning of life? When everything is gone like smoke in the wind, what’s left after a lifetime of pursuing? These were some of the questions that frustrated me. I'd like to share my story with you.
Master said,
“In order to cure their illnesses or eliminate tribulations and karma, these people must cultivate and return to their original, true selves. This is how all the different cultivation schools view it. One should return to one’s original, true self; this is the real purpose of being human. Therefore, once a person wants to cultivate, his or her Buddha-nature is considered to have come forth.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
People are so deluded by material interests and desire, it's all they care about. When they become increasingly attached to emotion, they lose themselves.
I was an ill-tempered person. With pressure from work and my family, and competing with others, I became more narrow-minded. I was depressed and my health deteriorated. Even though I was only 30 years old, I began having a heart problem that kept getting worse. My child was still very young. I didn't know what to do
Seeing my situation, my colleague lent me Hong Yin. I read,
“Assimilation and Consummation
From the Cosmos so boundless and vast,Radiated an arc of golden light.Unto the world descended an Awakened One,And Heaven and Earth did align.Bright does the whole universe glow,Melding into the light of Fa.With Consummation, in flight you will ascend,Together returning to Paradise.”(Translation Version A, Hong Yin)
This precious book truly uplifted me when I read: “Radiated an arc of golden light”. That day was November 8, 1998, a day I will remember forever.
When I read Zhuan Falun things I never understood before became clear. I learned how to be a good person, what it means to be a good person, and how to become a better person by assimilating to Falun Dafa's guiding principles, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.
When my work colleagues got together during our break, everything they talked about was gossip. I naturally joined in. Soon after I started reading Zhuan Falun I lost interest in worldly affairs. I stopped expressing my opinion. With consistent Fa study, I gradually learned how to look inward whenever I had conflicts, and I would resolve them. Before that, I only knew to vent my anger at my husband.
After I started practicing, I learned to apologize and I stopped venting my anger. I had a deep hatred towards my sister-in-law before, and I always looked down on her. Under the guidance of Falun Dafa's principles, I learned to be tolerant. I let go of my hatred and became kind to her.
As my xinxing improved, my illnesses were resolved. My body felt light and illness-free. Step by step, I gradually improved and walked on the path of returning to my original, true self.
In a few short years, Falun Dafa was being practiced by millions of people all over China as well as overseas. I felt so fortunate to be one of them.
Jealous of its popularity, a former head of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) launched the cruel persecution against Dafa on July 20, 1999. All the TV programs and newspapers in China were filled with slander against the spiritual practice.
In order to safeguard my spiritual belief and let the government officials and people know the truth, I took a train to Beijing to appeal in October 2001. I was illegally sentenced to three years in a forced labor camp. After three months I was sent to a detention center. I was bailed out for medical reasons and then I returned home. I was dismissed from work. My six-year-old son was traumatized. Out of fear of the CCP for its brutal retribution, my husband beat me to force me to give up practicing. He also refused to let me read any Dafa books or do the exercises.
Why did I have to give up such a wonderful practice? Why were we subjected to persecution? Since spiritual belief is in one’s heart, what’s the use of applying violent means to change people? If everyone conducted themselves according to Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, wouldn't society benefit?
Supported by my faith, and despite the fact that I was under tremendous pressure, I managed to do well what I was supposed to do without any complaints or hatred. I kept awakening my husband's conscience and laying out the facts. After more than six months, he finally understood and stopped interfering with me. He became more and more supportive.
Because I helped another practitioner hire a lawyer right before the Beijing Olympics, I was arrested and my home was ransacked. My computer, printer, Dafa books, and truth-clarification materials were confiscated.
I made no confession, and did not sign any documents, however, I was sentenced to six years in prison. During the process of being illegally interrogated, I challenged the staff from the Police Bureau, Procuratorate, intermediate court and supreme court. I said, “As a citizen, don't I have the right to hire a lawyer? Don't I have the right to help someone hire a lawyer?” Most of them would respond with, “We have to check on that.” I could see that they were trying to shirk being held responsible. I told them, “You work in a legal department but you can’t even answer my questions. Do you have the right to interrogate me? I didn’t commit any crimes, so why should I answer your questions?”
While I was held in a detention center for five months I conducted myself with the standards of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. Many prisoners saw the beauty of Dafa through me. Several of them including a few guards and political instructors agreed to renounce their memberships from the CCP and its affiliated organizations. Twelve inmates began doing the exercises with me every day. One inmate in her 30s, whose last name was Pei, had been coughing for a while and had blood in her pus. She thought she had tuberculosis. Every time she finished doing the exercises, her chest stopped hurting. She was fine in a few days.
Another inmate whose last name was Jin was 49-years-old and well educated. She had traveled to 16 countries. In the beginning, she always challenged me and asked very difficult questions. With the wisdom Master Li (the founder) gave me, I was able to give her satisfactory answers. I recited Master’s new lectures for them every day, and she enjoyed listening. She said that what Master taught made sense. I even wrote down several poems for her to recite. Later, her celestial eye opened, she saw many amazing scenes. For instance, she saw a big eye blinking, which was “the real eye” mentioned in Zhuan Falun. It was truly amazing.
The prison environment was very harsh. I was beaten and cursed at. I was deprived of sleep and locked in solitary confinement, where I was forced to watch the videos and read books defaming Dafa, and be brainwashed. I was also despised, mistreated, scolded, and subjected to forced labor. But no matter where I was, or in what situation, I always remembered that I was a practitioner.
In such a vicious environment, I truly saw people’s negative side. Lured by self-interest, people can be extremely vicious. But, they were the ones being eliminated. Whereas when practitioners face hatred, mistreatment, and were even being murdered, they had great compassion and forbearance, they used their lives to validate “Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance”.
The prison can lock up one’s body, but can’t lock up one’s heart, nor can it change one’s belief. While I was illegally held, though I was under close surveillance, I was always inspired by my belief in Dafa. I was able to disregard my pain and still treat others kindly. Master said:
“Your current performance as Dafa disciples is magnificent. All of this is your goodness (shan) made manifest, and it is what evil fears most, as those who attack goodness are bound to be evil.” (“Rationality,” Essentials for Further Advancement II)
No matter how much I suffered and was tormented, I always reminded myself to behave peacefully, sincerely, be tolerant and kind. Gradually my environment changed: the monitors stopped participating in the persecution; many prisoners decided to quit the CCP, and believed Dafa was wonderful. They also helped pass on messages as well as Master’s new articles. Some even recited Master’s new articles. People who learned the truth respected practitioners and trusted us.
When my jail term was up, my husband and son came to take me home. My husband was very quiet, and he didn’t even smile. I tried to get an update on my family. We drove for six hours. When we got home my husband didn’t get out of the car but said he had to attend a wedding.
I sat down in the living room, and my father-in-law came in. I greeted him. He merely looked at me, then said, “Oh, you are back.” He headed into his room. I followed him and said, “My father-in-law, I made you worry about me all this time. Now I am back, and I’ll look after you.”
Although they didn’t say anything in front of me, they knew I was not a bad person. Their reactions suggested that they not only didn’t understand me, but also blamed me for not taking care of my family, especially my child. They blamed me for being arrested and then imprisoned.
Even the woman who had an affair with my husband while I was away challenged me, “What are you doing all these years?” When I was arrested by the Party and persecuted, even though they knew I was innocent, no one was on my side. They thought that by giving up on cultivation, I would be released. So, why did I still practice?
They also thought practitioners only cared about ourselves and not our families. They thought that by upholding our belief, we had given up on our families.
When a practitioner is subjected to persecution, one has to endure tremendous mental pressure. Ideally, one should expect to be comforted by one’s family, instead we usually receive more pressure.
My in-laws used to live in the country. My father-in-law had a stroke (cerebral thrombosis) after I was arrested. In order to take care of him, my husband had his parents moved in with him. Later my mother-in-law died of liver cancer. Since my father-in-law always lived in the countryside, he formed several bad habits.
My husband did not take care of any of the household chores. He usually ate out, drinking and playing Mahjong. When he was home, he either watched TV, played with his smartphone, or slept. I was the only one taking care of my father-in-law. Many of my attachments were exposed, such as avoiding being dirty. I disliked his bad habits especially his sanitary issues. For instance, in the beginning, he would change his shoes when he came in from the outside. Later, he seldom did that. In the end, he stopped doing it at all. Although I had some resentment towards him, I tried to hold myself to the Fa's standards. I tried to look inward.
Master said,
“If you can tolerate it and yet it preys on your mind, it is still not good enough. As you know, when a person reaches the Arhat level, in his heart he is not concerned about anything. He does not care at all in his heart for any ordinary human matter, and he will always be smiling and in good spirits. No matter how much loss he suffers, he will still be smiling and in good spirits without any concern. If you can really do this, you have already reached the entry-level Fruition Status of Arhatship.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
With the improvement of my xinxing, I became more and more understanding of him: He is old. It’s difficult to bend over to take off his shoes. Even when I saw him lying in bed and watching TV with his shoes on, I didn’t have any bad thoughts. I thought as long as he felt comfortable, that’s all that mattered.
My father-in-law now says, “Falun Dafa is wonderful! Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is wonderful,” every day. He has read several Dafa books and is currently reciting Hong Yin and Hong Yin II. When he was under the weather, we took him to the hospital emergency. The doctor and a few patients all thought I was his daughter. When someone asked if I was his daughter, he answered, “My daughter-in-law,” “She is so wonderful!”
My husband is very kind, upright, and generous, but had a bad temper. Before I began practicing, I often fought with him and I never backed down. He was the one who had to apologize. After I started practicing, it went the other way around. His attitude towards Dafa changed. Except for the fact that he didn’t quite understand why I had been so persistent, he felt Falun Dafa was good.
Master taught us to have compassion. I must snap out of ordinary human notions. It's easy to commit wrongdoings in delusion. I let go of my worries, complaints and resentment and I became more and more peaceful. When he played Mahjong, I stopped being upset. When he got drunk, I stopped complaining about him. I also stopped checking on who he was in touch with on his cellular phone. I stopped trying to change him. Even if I was not at fault, I looked inward unconditionally. When he scolded me, I remained calm and still did what I was supposed to do quietly, or made apologies to him. At that time, he’d turn around and acknowledge that he was wrong.
Gradually my husband changed, and my home environment got better and better. For the past few years, he's asked me to be in charge of his company's bookkeeping. He talked to me about many things before he made a decision. When our friends and clients saw that we were honest, they all wanted to work with us. As a result, our company's profits have skyrocketed. Because he believes that Dafa is good, he hasn't been injured during accidents. One time his car crashed into a big tree, and split in half, yet he was safe and sound. His temper also improved. He now tells people that he has a great wife, and that without me, he wouldn’t have a happy life. I told him that it was Master and Dafa that gave him everything.
Our family has become harmonious and smooth under Dafa’s saving grace and Master’s benevolent protection.
I hope people will treasure Dafa which has benefited tens of millions of people and remember to keep “Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance” in their hearts. Falun Dafa is practiced all over the world, and the books are free to download. Master said:
“I seek nothing. I am just here to save you. I just want your heart, which seeks goodness, to be able to improve.” (Fa-Teaching Given at the Conference in Sydney)