(Minghui.org) I am the technical backbone of my company. As a Falun Dafa practitioner, I naturally avoid being greedy, try to give up self-interest and always try to consider others before myself. My boss appreciates my approach and trusts me. She always consults with me when the company has big decisions to make.
I inadvertently upset colleagues from another department at a meeting. I was worried afterwards and blamed myself. I felt full of guilt and disappointment, and my heart was painful. I guessed that Master had pushed my attachments to the surface, so I looked inward. I found the attachments of showing off, overeagerness, seeking fame, thinking highly of myself and defending myself. I also failed to guard my speech.
I sent righteous thoughts to get rid of the attachments. However, instead of getting better, my sad mood became heavier and the pain in my heart got worse. I felt worried and uneasy. I kept thinking to myself, “Why am I in such a painful state? What is the fundamental factor behind this situation?”
I realized that the main problem was fear. I was afraid of being slandered by colleagues behind my back. I wanted to uphold my good reputation, and my behavior was influenced by Chinese Communist Party culture. I immediately wanted to get rid of this attachment, but my heart still hurt. I kept asking Master in my mind, “Where did I go wrong? Please let me know and I will correct it.”
I had a meeting with a fellow practitioner, so I left work and got on the bus to her home. En route, I thought to myself, “Master, I can’t bring this bad mood to a fellow practitioner’s home. I have to get back on track as soon as possible!” I took a mental step back and tried to look at the situation calmly.
I saw why I was anxious. I was afraid that I would be driven by my attachments to do things that are not in line with the Fa, so I was always on the lookout and continually took precautions to avoid minor wrongdoings. My attachment was that I was scared of having an attachment!
Realizing this, I felt relaxed physically and mentally, and the pain in my heart instantly disappeared. My negative thinking and heavy worries also vanished! The bus arrived at its destination, and I walked happily to the fellow practitioner’s home.