(Minghui.org) I recently experienced a test of my character that touched me deeply.
I have cultivated for over 10 years and have been doing the three things consistently. But I couldn't always maintain my xinxing with my family. From the Fa's principles, I knew that I should cultivate my attachment to sentiment. My family members are also Master's disciples and we should get along in harmony. But I was still unable to keep up my xinxing in front of them even after cultivating for so many years. It was a recent incident that finally led me a new understanding.
My mother-in-law is also a practitioner. But sometimes I thought she was too blunt, even when she was telling people the facts about Dafa. She was the same way at home. I reminded her about her tone of voice and being too direct many times, but she said that she would change gradually.
I was not happy with her attitude, even though I did not say anything. I believed that cultivation is such a serious matter that she should be strict with herself instead of taking it slowly. I could not let go of her attitude and always wanted her to change. In this regard, I already had a strong attachment.
One day when we were talking about the April 25 peaceful appeal, she again got very brusque. I lost it and said, “You are so blunt that you make others uncomfortable. Plus, your talking points are inconsistent. How will anyone ever believe you?” She said, “(I will) take it slowly.” I was so angry I just walked away.
I regret that I didn't maintain my xinxing and control myself, but I did not want to apologize to her. In fact, I'd always known that her behavior was actually a signal for me to get rid of my attachment. I always wanted to impose my own ideas and wanted the other person to change. I was too attached to myself. To be honest, from the Fa's perspective, I should have thanked my mother-in-law. I did not know why I was unable to pass these tests.
I was very stubborn, unwilling to ever admit I was wrong, ever since I was little, and I was never quiet about it. I would rather say nothing and let the other party blame me, or make things right by doing something about it. But I could not bring myself to apologize and could only do something about it after the fact. In particular, I never apologized to my family. I believed for a long time that if I showed by my actions that I was sorry, there was no need for me to say it out loud. After all, don't they say, “Actions speak louder than words?”
I felt really bad about what I'd done and decided to apologize to my mother-in-law, but I could not bring myself to do it. Then, when I was talking to my husband, she came in and it just came out: “I was wrong. Please don't mind me.” She said, “Don't worry about it.”
Right then, I felt my dimensional field become particularly clear. All the bad things that had formed due to my thinking badly about her disappeared. When she later spoke to me harshly, I no longer felt upset and let it go easily. I felt that my ability to truly forbear had expanded. I really experienced the wonderfulness of finding the light at the end of the tunnel.
Master Li said:
“If when you find the real reasons within yourself you dare to face and recognize them, you will find that the matter instantly changes and the problem disappears. Suddenly, for no known reason, it will seem that no friction or matters have ever happened between you and the other person. This is because for a cultivator there’s no such thing as coincidence, and no accidental occurrence is allowed to disrupt the course of your cultivation.”(Lecture at the First Conference in North America)
I was unwilling to apologize because I dared not face or admit my mistakes. The bad ideas and the thought karma were not truly mine, but I hid them instead of exposing them. Because of that, Master could not help me clean them up, so the conflicts were still there.
After I recognized this, I paid attention to how I spoke to my daughter. When I did not talk to her nicely and realized it, I apologized. Although she didn't think it was a big deal, I wanted to apologize to her right then. Recently, I've noticed that my daughter has really changed. Even if she occasionally makes trouble, I can easily hold back my temper. As a result, her behavior quickly improved.
I've realized that as cultivators, no matter who we have a conflict with, we must search inside for our own problems, recognize our mistakes quickly, and be brave enough to apologize to the other party. When we keep up our xinxing and are in a righteous state of mind, Master can help us completely remove the bad things in our dimensional field.
I hope that my experience can help practitioners who have the same attachment as me.