(Minghui.org) I am 50 years old, and used to be introverted and preferred being alone. I didn't like to talk to or mingle with people. I liked to do things my way and look at everything from my perspective. Practicing Falun Dafa made me change drastically, as Teacher taught us how to be become better people by following the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.
I got married in 1988, and thought of living in my husband's bungalow. However, as it was quite far away from my workplace, we moved in with my parents. My husband had a bad temper. Although we lived in my parents' house, he threw around anything in his hands when he was annoyed., so I regretted to have married him. I thought having a handicapped husband would be preferable.
I felt aggrieved. I was nice looking, of a good-nature, and well educated, whereas he is a former soldier. We were totally different.
He liked going to his parents' house whenever possible. He was the youngest of seven siblings. I didn't like his big family, because there were too many people and it was too noisy. I had to deal not only with his siblings, but also their children. There were so many of them that I couldn't remember all their names. I had only a brother and was so I used to a less chaotic environment. Because of the frequent visits to his family, he and I often had conflicts.
Then, we had a son, but my husband's bad temper had not changed. After I gave birth to my child, I spent a month at his parents' house. His family was entertained by a person who brought a monkey. Everyone was having fun, but somehow it ripped my husband's trousers, and he blamed me, which made me angry.
When the baby was three months old, he contracted pneumonia, heart failure, and was hospitalized. That was a tough period of time for me. My husband got over his anger, but I was upset for a long time. I could not act violently as he did – I just wept, felt very bitter, and was very unhappy. I was only in my 20s and felt weak. I developed a fever and tuberculosis, and our baby was taken care of by my mother. Then, my husband got into gambling.
I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1996. I read Zhuan Falun, the main book of that cultivation practice, which helped me to understand that when one encounters mistreatment one had most likely treated that person badly in a prior life.
The Dafa teachings helped me understand issues like the relationship between virtue and karma, taking a step back when facing conflicts, appreciating people's strengths, being kind instead of holding resentment, resolving all matters with compassion, and always looking inwards.
Teacher also explained that a marriage is formed because of a predestined relationship – good or bad – and teaches us how to get along.
Although I didn't like to talk in my past, cultivation taught me that if I didn't talk, people wouldn't know what I was thinking. My talking could help warm people's hearts and improve communication. Therefore, I was determined not to place myself highly and open up myself especially when I dealt with my husband. I tried hard not to say things that triggered his anger.
Gradually, I became more broad-minded and ignored him when he threw a tantrum. However, this took a process, but I did not give up, so Dafa helped me change. I learned to respect my husband and how to communicate with him. I no longer looked down on or fought with him.
Eventually, I was no longer negative and depressed. Instead, I learned to be humorous. Sometimes, he would come home and tell me that he was unhappy. Then, I would console him and suggest that he treat others kindly. I let him take charge of our daily life.
When it comes to my in-laws, I found ways to make the relationship harmonious. I gave my mother-in-law money for daily expenditures once I started working. When my in-laws separated, I treated them kindly and helped resolve disputes among my husband's siblings.
I often talked about traditional culture and the principles of being a human being. Gradually, I noticed that he changed.
I especially noticed his change when he asked me to clean his soiled sleeves. He had gone out for lunch, and the waitress was careless. The sauce and soup splashed all over one of the sleeves. Yet, she didn't apologize.
“If this had happened in the past,” he said, “I would have scolded her. But this afternoon, I didn't say anything. Didn't you tell me to tolerate when experiencing a problem?”
When he did the right thing, I always encouraged him to keep up the good work. When I did something wrong, I would apologize and ask him to forgive me.
He no longer goes out after work, but comes home and prepares dinner. By the time I reach home, the food is ready. He also does chores around the house. Falun Dafa has changed both of us. Without Falun Dafa, we would have been divorced. Falun Dafa saved my marriage and gave me a happy and harmonious home.
“When the person who was hit feels no resentment or hatred while experiencing pain and settles what was done to him with a smile, isn't that compassion?” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Western U.S. Fa Conference,” Collected Fa Teaching, Vol. V)
It was the principle of returning with a smile, the principle of compassion, that made me treat my husband with kindness. I no longer pay attention to his shortcomings. In return, he also treats me thoughtfully and graciously.
I used to live with the mentality of picking a fight – if you don't treat me well, I will return in kind. Now, I am always in the appreciative mood, thanking him for working hard, and bringing home money to support me and our son.
I appreciate all the hardships he accepted during these past years. He shouldered a lot of pressure and worries because of the persecution of Falun Dafa, and wonders when will it end.
There is not a doubt in my mind that all these changes are because of Falun Dafa. It is Falun Dafa that has given me a second life with my family.