(Minghui.org) I began to practice Falun Dafa in January 1999. Six months later, the communist regime launched the nationwide persecution. Like many other practitioners, I refused to give up my faith and tried my best to clarify the truth about Dafa.
Over the past 19 years, I was happy when I improved on my cultivation path, and sad when I failed to pass tests. I was imprisoned twice because of loopholes that were taken advantage of by the old forces. But through solid cultivation and ridding myself of my human attachments, I witnessed the power of the Fa and elevated my xinxing when I endured torture.
Shortly before the communist regime's 16th Congress, I was arrested in September 2002, and taken to a brainwashing center where I was held for two months.
In the brainwashing center, I kept reciting the Fa, nonstop. I didn't look at or listen to the Party's propaganda videos played on television (TV). When the staff talked to me, I closed my eyes and continued to recite the Fa in my heart. I saw that every word of the Fa I recited transformed into a cluster of high energy matter. They surrounded me and became a shield to protect me. Nothing that was said affected me.
The persecutors left in frustration. Master encouraged me by letting me see myself sitting on the top of a fire mountain, and my Buddha body was being tempered. It was just as Master said in the poem “The Difficult Path to Godhood,”
“‘Tis in hardship the golden body is tempered”(Hong Yin Vol. II, Translation version A)
I was released two months later.
I was arrested again one year later. The police interrogated me and didn't let me sleep for six days. I didn't say anything, but protested by going on a hunger strike.
One officer threatened, “If you don't provide information about other practitioners, I will take you to a secret place at night and destroy your nerves. By that time, even if we give you the book Zhuan Falun, you won't know what it is. We will also tell your husband to divorce you. By the time you are released from prison, you will be an old woman and your child won't recognize you.”
I was horrified and knew that there wasn't anything that they wouldn't do. I experienced great mental pressure. But I also knew very clearly that I shouldn't betray fellow practitioners.
I said to Master in my heart: “Master, I can't give other practitioners' information to these evil people. At least I still have a clear mind at this moment, please help me to extend this moment longer.”
Six days later, I decided to shout, “Falun Dafa is good” and “Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance is good,” so that more people knew about me and that they couldn't easily make me disappear.
The guards brought me to the hospital, tied me to a bed and force-fed me. Although I couldn't move my body, I owned my mind. I started to recite the Fa again. When I immersed myself in the Fa, the intense pain was easier to endure. Two weeks into my hunger strike, the head of the detention center asked the guards to stop depriving me of sleep and allowed me to do the Falun Dafa exercises.
I was sentenced to a three-year term several months later. Because I refused to renounce my faith and persisted in doing the exercises, the guards handcuffed me, tied me up and soaked me in filthy water for days.
Shortly before I was released, the prison guards harassed my husband and forced him to divorce me. A once happy family was torn apart. That was a big shock to me. But, with a strong belief in Master and the continuous reciting of the Fa, my righteous thoughts were strengthened and I made it through that dark period.
I went back to my parents' home after I was released in 2006. My parents felt I disgraced our family because of my imprisonment and divorce. Meanwhile, the local 610 Office agents spread rumors against me in my hometown, saying that I abandoned my family and was only interested in Falun Dafa. Many locals thought I went crazy and avoided me when they saw me on the street.
I spent a lot of time studying the Fa to strengthen my righteous thoughts. I told my parents, “I didn't do anything wrong and I'm persecuted by the communist regime only because I wanted to be a good person.”
I did many house chores for my parents. They were also touched by my openness and positive attitude. Without my asking him, my father told me he wanted to quit the communist regime and its youth organizations.
I found a job at the end of 2006 and followed the Dafa principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance in my daily work. The department I managed won a company-wide award. I talked to many colleagues about Dafa and more than 170 people quit the Party. After I got off from work, I distributed Dafa informational materials around town.
A neighbor told my mother, “Why don't you keep an eye on your daughter, she just won't change even though she has been imprisoned for practicing Falun Dafa. She is talking to all of us about it when she sees us.”
My mother replied, “My daughter didn't cause harm to anyone, what's wrong with being a good person?” That neighbor left without saying another word.
After that, my mother helped me protect Falun Dafa books and truth-clarification materials several times.
She was diagnosed with cancer, but didn't suffer much and lived seven more years past the doctor's estimation.
She asked me what heaven looks like in her final days. I played the DVD of the Shen Yun show to her. “Heaven is so beautiful. I'm going there,” she said. After she passed away, one family member whose celestial eye was open said my mother elevated into the sky by sitting on a lotus flower.
With my continuous truth-clarification, most people in my hometown changed their attitude towards me, and more and more people quit the Party.
I married a practitioner after two years. We cooperated well with each other, and produced Dafa materials and distributed them.
I was arrested for the third time in the spring of 2012. I had a dream three months before I was arrested: Master was driving a train, moving forward at an incredibly fast speed. I was sitting on the train and taking a test. I got many answers right. But there were two black holes on the first page of the questions and I just couldn't answer them. A man ran after me and said: “How can she validate the Fa?”
Several days later, I had another dream. The man appeared again. He was crying and sitting on the ground, “I went to the educational bureau to file a complaint against you. But your Master is the director of the bureau, and he makes the decision. I couldn't do anything to you.”
After a while, the practitioner who had frequent contact with me was arrested and disclosed my information to the police.
Three days before I was arrested, I saw a group of divine beings from the old universe coming to see me. Their lead dressed like the official from ancient times. With one piece of paper in one hand, his other hand was casting dark particles onto me, each particle was full of evil beings. I couldn't move my body. Then I shouted: “I'm Master Li Hongzhi's disciple. I don't acknowledge other arrangements forced on me, none of them!” I escaped.
After my husband and I were arrested, I had the same dream about the test every night. Because I couldn't answer the questions covered with the two black holes, Master filled it with red ink. I enlightened that Master was bearing the tribulations for me. I said to Master in my heart, “Master, I have to answer these questions.”
“Don’t Be Sad
Imprisoned as you are,don’t be sorrowful or sadCarry on with righteous thoughts and actions,and the Fa is with youCalmly reflect on the attachments you haveRemove your human thoughtsand evil will naturally die out”(Hong Yin Vol. II, Translation version A)
I calmed down and began to examine my cultivation path from the past few years, to find out what exactly went wrong?
After I was released from prison and divorced, I often had a bitter feeling of homelessness and loneliness. I wanted to have a home of my own. So I borrowed some money from fellow practitioners and bought an apartment. After I re-married, we paid off the debt, sold the apartment and bought a bigger house. I was complacent and felt happy.
Fearing the persecution, I bought the house under the name of my relative. Despite Master reminding me of my attachments to comfort and a good life, I didn't take it seriously but continued to indulge myself in the ephemeral human happiness, until I was arrested again.
I refused to follow any rules in the detention center, but talked to the guards and detainees about Dafa and persuaded them to quit the communist regime. A dozen detainees learned the sitting meditation from me and we practiced together every night. Amazingly, nine of them had their celestial eyes opened. The cell was filled with harmony and peace.
After the guards found out about this, they pressured each person and threatened to increase their prison term if they continued to learn Falun Dafa from me. But having fully understood the facts, their hearts were with Dafa. They refused to listen to the guards and wrote “Falun Dafa is good” on the cell wall and slave labor products they made at the detention center. The guards moved them to other cells and ordered other detainees to monitor them.
I felt sad for them for being pressured shortly after they were introduced to the Fa. I knew that they were sentient beings arranged by Master to reconnect their karmic bonds with Dafa and I couldn't let the bond be cut off.
There wasn't anything I could do to help them but to sing Dafa songs to them. I had never been a good singer, but I had to do it as that was my only option at that moment. It turned out my singing was very well received. I gained confidence.
Inspired by the unexpected success, I began to use this form to clarify the facts to other detainees during the sitting period each day. I wrapped a piece of paper into a microphone and said, “The broadcast from Falun Dafa truth-clarification radio station now begins.” I talked about the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, Dissolving Party Cultures and stories about China's divine culture. The last program was karaoke time, in which the detainees could ask me to sing any Dafa songs they liked.
My “radio station” became very popular among the detainees across all nine wards. Fellow practitioners from other cells also helped me and we often sang together. The guards listened to every broadcast and didn't interrupt me. One guard began to admire Dafa and shed tears in front of us. Many detainees became very outspoken and agreed to quit the communist party and its youth organizations.
I was in the middle of a live broadcast when the director of the detention center showed up. Everyone was looking at me. I didn't stop and continued my program. To our surprise, the director said to me: “Aren't you thirsty for talking for so long on such a hot day? You should take a break.” Then he left without further comments.
I was transferred from the detention center to a prison and kept in solitary confinement after I was sentenced to a four-year term.
“Whatever you experience during your cultivation—whether good or bad—is good, for it comes about only because you are cultivating.” (“To the Chicago Fa Conference,” The Essentials of Diligent Progress Vol. III)
Detained in the dark room by myself, I remembered what Master said:
“In the past, after climbing into a cave with the help of a rope, a practitioner would cut off the rope to practice in the cave. If this person could not succeed in cultivation, he would die inside it. Without food or water, it was under this very special circumstance that he resorted to this particular cultivation method.” (Lecture Eight, Zhuan Falun)
I realized that I had been ignoring my human attachments and didn't cultivate them away. My loophole was taken advantage of by the evil, who put me in isolation in the small dark room. The six inmates assigned to monitor me became my companions. Everything was in place for me to cultivate.
With guidance from the Fa, I treated everyone with kindness and compassion, no matter how they treated me. Compared to those ancients who cultivated in the caves, I am much more fortunate, because I am cultivating the great Fa of the universe.
“Since the Three Realms is reversed, so too are humans’ principles reversed understandings when compared to the righteous Fa-principles of the cosmos.” (“Dafa Is All-Encompassing,” Essentials for Further Advancement II)
I understood that all the notions we formed in this human world are reversed understandings, and not in line with the real truth of the universe.
Master also said:
“For example, if a bottle filled with dirty things is sealed tightly and thrown into water, it will sink all the way to the bottom. You pour out some of its dirty contents. The more you empty the bottle, the higher it will float in the water. If it is emptied entirely, it will float on the surface completely.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
My mind was like a bottle, and now I needed to purge the filthy things inside it. Every day after I woke up, I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate my human thinking and sentimentality, basically anything that could move me.
I had a strong feeling of depression and fear in the hellish prison. I realized that the fear came from my postnatal notions about prison. So I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate my acquired notions about prison and I could see that the substance associated with this notion was dissolved in my head. And then my depression and fear disappeared.
When I refused to wear the prison garb, the guards didn't allow me to take showers or change clothes for three months despite a hot summer. So I worked on my mind to eliminate my attachment of fearing heat. In the winter, I worked to rid my attachment of disliking coldness and the pursuit of comfort. As long as I found myself having any desire or human sentimentality, I worked on them to free up my mind.
A group of guards arrived, carrying electric batons. They tied me up, pushed me to the ground, and began to shock my hands. I didn't feel any pain this time. I knew Master was protecting me.
The guards left my body tied up tight and my hands cuffed behind my back for days. The pain was excruciating. I said to Master in my heart, “Master, I know these feelings are my karma, not myself. I am able to distinguish it.”
I closed my eyes, sent righteous thoughts to eliminate all the painful feelings in my mind, even the notion that I was persecuted by the old forces was gone. I only remembered the principles about karma transformation and xinxing cultivation taught in Zhuan Falun.
I began to smile. The pressure and pain disappeared. After seeing that this method didn't work on me, the guards loosened the cuffs and ropes 15 days later.
The guards attempted to identify my weakness to attack me through psychological tests but failed. What they didn't know was that I had been cultivating and ridding myself of attachments based on the Fa. When they attacked certain attachments in me, I had already started to work on it. Their attempts to persecute me turned out to be steps for me to elevate myself.
Master was also with me, protecting and encouraging me. I truly experienced the profound wisdom of Dafa. I knew as long as I followed Master closely, the evil wouldn't be able to do anything to me.
When the guards came to me, I clarified the facts to them. Master gave me wisdom to inspire them to be kind. I treated each of them with compassion and cherished them.
I had a dream that I was standing in the center of a stage, surrounded by evil beings. I was singing in a heavenly voice. The evil kept attacking me on the head with a black sword. But each attack was transformed into my energy by a rotating mechanism installed by Master outside of my body. The energy field around me kept growing. Sitting in the gallery were sentient beings watching this soul-stirring battle between righteousness and evil.
I understood that Master had bestowed me with the responsibility of saving sentient beings. But being locked in the small dark room, without any freedom, what could I do to save them?
I thought of singing and shouting messages. So I began to shout “Falun Dafa is good” and “Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance is good,” as well as singing Dafa songs.
My shouts were echoed by fellow practitioners detained in other cells. Every day after we woke up, we began to shout “Falun Dafa is good!” I could see that our voices were eliminating the evil in other dimensions and helping us save people.
A group of guards came to me with handcuffs and electric batons one day. I had fear this time. I asked myself why I was afraid of electric batons but not knives. I thought I still had the notion of fear associated with electric batons. I sent righteous thoughts and my fear was eliminated almost immediately. When they saw that I wasn't afraid of them, the guards turned around and left.
On another day, the guard ordered the inmates to carry me out of the room and throw me in the hallway. She waved the baton in the air and shouted at me, “I dare you to shout to every room here!”
I stood up and went to the first room. A fellow practitioner was in it. She looked horrified, staring at me. I said to people in that room, with peace and sincerity, “I'm a Falun Dafa practitioner. I cultivate myself based on the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance. I don't hate or resent anyone. But I don't agree with the communist regime on the persecution. I hope that every one of you can understand the facts, quit the communist regime and have a bright future.”
Then I went to the next room and repeated what I just said. The guard stopped me when I was at the fifth room and ordered the inmates to take me back.
During the Chinese New Year, I shouted greetings to Master. A guard dragged me to her office and while cursing me, she shocked me with an electric baton on my mouth. It felt like a venomous snake was biting my face. I wasn't angry. I looked into her eyes, and said: “Why are you so angry this morning? Just calm down and take a break.”
She stopped the shocks. But then she took off my jacket and left me in the hallway, where there was no heat. She wanted me to freeze. I greeted everyone passing by with a smile and asked them to remember “Falun Dafa is good.”
I was left in the hallway for two days before the guard told me to walk back to my cell. In fact, they always carried me or dragged me somewhere because I never cooperated with their orders. I said to the guard, “I could walk myself this time. But I will sing Dafa songs as I walk. Many of my fellow practitioners knew you dragged me out of my cell. When I sing I let them know I'm safe and sound.” She agreed this time.
“The Fa Rectifies the Cosmos
Compassion can harmonize Heaven and Earth, ushering in springRighteous thoughts can save the people in this world”(Hong Yin Vol. II, Translation version A)
My happiness and positiveness cultivated through the Fa affected the inmates around me. Some quit the communist regime, some told me that they had been reciting “Falun Dafa is good” in their hearts, and some told me the guards said many good words about me in front of them.
Six months before I was released, I had a dream, in which Master looked at me with expectation and worries. There were also other feelings I couldn't describe. Then a group of people came, pushed me to the ground and began to beat me. I understood that I had many historic debts to pay and Master was worried whether I could pass this test.
A few days later, the local 610 Office ordered the prison to "transform" every Dafa practitioner. Those who remained firm in their faith were dragged into the torture room one after another. Then we heard horrible screams. Shortly after that, I heard that most of the practitioners had been forced to renounce Dafa. One practitioner was tortured to death.
When they tortured me, the pain was excruciating. I felt again and again that I had reached my limit. I had no strength to gather myself or even to look within.
Day after day, my fear and resentment grew. I suddenly realized that all the tortures and persecution I had endured before were nothing compared with the life and death test in front of me.
I didn't have a way back. The only way was to completely give myself to the Fa. I remembered the cultivation path I had followed and Master's painstaking salvation. No matter how my human body suffered, I was eliminating my karma and walking towards divinity. I couldn't let my divine body dissolve under the human skin. I couldn't let my own weakness destroy the countless sentient beings who had placed all of their hopes on me.
I made up my mind that no matter what, I will not compromise to the evil. I kept repeating “Falun Dafa is good” in my mind. Amid the suffering, I could feel large pieces of karma were being removed from me.
After I was taken back to my room at night, I pinched myself to prevent myself from falling asleep. I kept reciting the Fa and eliminated any thought that was not aligned with the Fa. I remembered that dream and had a deeper understanding of karmic relationships. No matter what, I shouldn't develop any hatred toward the persecutors.
Master also gave me a hint to strengthen my sending righteousness thoughts. I felt positive energy surrounded me and the evil couldn't even come near.
Every day, the guards were waiting for me to renounce my faith. Every time I saw them after the inmates finished torturing me and took me back to my cell, I looked at the guards calmly and smiled.
“In Buddhism, it is said that every phenomenon in human society is illusory and unreal.” (Lecture Two, Zhuan Falun)
“Having heard the Dao in the morning, one can die in the evening.” (“Melt Into the Fa,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
No matter how brutal the persecution is, I'm still cultivating Dafa – I'm the most fortunate person in the world.
After six months of unimaginable tortures, I wasn't crushed. I didn't compromise but had become ever more mature in my cultivation. I deeply experienced that cultivation is most serious. And there is a standard for us Dafa disciples. The standard is solid, it won't change no matter what environment we are in.
When my family came to take me home from prison, my body was very weak and most of my hair had turned gray, but my heart was filled with brightness, peace, and compassion.
No words can describe how great Master and the Fa is. I am deeply grateful for everything Master has done to save me. My cultivation path also proves that no matter how difficult the situation is, as long as we truly believe in and cultivate ourselves based on the Fa, there will be a way.