(Minghui.org) Master said in his poem “Yin and Yang Reversed”
“Women are strong and smartImpetuous, sharp-tongued, and dominating” (Hong Yin III)
I thought that I was the type of woman Master talked about in his poem. Therefore, wasn't this a deviated notion? I had to rectify myself and become a gentle wife and a good mother.
I was a person with a strong and hard character, and was the boss of my family. I didn't let my husband speak up no matter if I was right or wrong, and thought that I was better than he was. I had changed a little after I started practicing Falun Dafa. Still I was the boss on matters big or small. No one in my family could challenge me.
I tried to let my husband make decisions at home after I read Master's poem “Yin and Yang Reversed.” At first he didn't dare to express his opinions, which made me furious. I reprimanded him for his indecisiveness and accused him of not acting like a man.
Master said:
“As a cultivator,One always looks for one's own faults,'Tis the Way to get rid of attachments most effectivelyThere's no way to skip ordeals, big or small[During a conflict, if you can remember:]“He's rightAnd I'm wrong,”What's to dispute?” (“Who's Right, Who's Wrong” in Hong Yin III)
I was right to let him become strong, but to get angry with him was a demonstration of my demon nature. I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it.
When I calmed down, I discovered one of my attachments. I demanded that one immediately obey me when I ask someone to do something. I sent forth righteous thoughts to dissolve this attachment.
In retrospect, I had been controlled by this attachment, had bullied my husband and been aggressive and arrogant. People kept a distance from me.
Although I required myself to treat other people kindly and be tolerant, other people said that I had changed, but I was not truly kind and tolerant in my heart.
Master said:
“Yet this universe’s characteristic, Zhen-Shan-Ren, remains unchanged as the sole criterion to differentiate good and bad persons.” (Zhuan Falun)
I judged my husband from the perspective of personal interests, other people's comments and selfishness, and the thought that he didn't have any degree or social background and couldn't make any money. It was me who supported our family.
I was surprised to discover that I had such deviated notions. I thought that I didn't look at people's money or social status while ordinary people pursue degrees, power and personal gain. However, I had gradually adopted those notions, but was not aware of them.
Luckily Master pointed it out for me. I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate them.
Gradually he became the boss of our family, while I was ignored. At a friend's party, everyone praised him for his ability, but there was no word about me. He also took it for granted.
I was trying to be polite and agreed with them, while in my heart I became indignant. I thought, “Without me, how could you have such achievements today?”
It was just like Master said,
“... if someone is doing well, instead of feeling happy for him or her, people’s minds will feel uneasy.” (Zhuan Falun)
I didn't talk to him after we returned home. I thought he was not honest and took the credit from me.
Jealousy, competitiveness and resentment all came up, and the wicked demons and rotten spirits took advantage of my loopholes.
I thought, “Your family didn't have anything in the past, and it is because of your hard work that you now have factories and cars.” Lying in bed, I was not able to sleep while my husband was asleep. I felt resentful and tears covered my face. I thought, “I will find a job in another factory tomorrow and prove my ability!”
The alarm for sending forth righteous thoughts rang. My mind was in a state of chaos. I sat up, conjoined my hands and tried to clear my mind. I felt better and thought that I was not in the right state.
After the righteous thoughts, I looked within: “My goodness, I was filled with jealousy, competitiveness, show-off mentality and resentment. This made me upset.” After recognizing this, I cleared away those unsavory thoughts immediately. Then I had a good and sound sleep.
Now my husband makes decisions for most of our family matters. I find that he considers things comprehensively and the clients believe in him. I am still working hard to discipline myself according to the requirements of Dafa.