(Minghui.org) The Minghui editorial “Giving Speeches Amounts to Disrupting the Fa” gave me a “stick wake-up.” I was thunderstruck and I felt as I had just awoken from a dream. I'm writing down how I have behaved and the way in which I have disrupted the Fa, in order to disintegrate the evil and help others. Those who are still acting this way, be on high alert and wake up.
I went to Tiananmen Square in Beijing to validate the Fa in 2001. Afterwards, I was sentenced to one year in a labor camp. I was “transformed” and even participated in persecuting Dafa disciples.
After I went home, I read Zhuan Falun again. I knew I was wrong. I submitted my solemn declaration in 2002 and resumed my cultivation.
In 2007, Practitioner A told me about an experience sharing conference. About 20 people attended, including me. A practitioner from out of town hosted the sharing. She talked about her cultivation experience, such as righteous thoughts and righteous actions, how to eliminate fear, doing Dafa projects while leaving a cell phone on, how her good her local situation was, and so on.
I thought, “See how well others are cultivating! I still have fear.” When I heard that there was going to be another sharing in a few days, I encouraged Practitioners B and C to attend. B and C later told me, “Such meetings in our current situation are not safe, nor are they expected of us.”
However, I had already been affected and did not heed their warning. One day, I thought, “I am also going to leave my cell phone on when I do Dafa projects.” Once I thought of doing this, my cell phone would not work. I started to think about whether my thoughts were rational.
Shortly thereafter, I learned that more than 20 practitioners were arrested during one of the experience sharing meetings. They didn't pay attention to safety issues involving cell phones.
I was afraid. I thought, “If B and C had been arrested and persecuted, wouldn't I be responsible?” I looked inward. I found that I had a strong attachment to reputation. Superficial large-scale activities have a special appeal for me. I followed other people instead of the Fa. I didn't cultivate solidly. I still harbored a strong show-off mentality and an attachment to zealotry and self-validation.
Within a month of the group arrest, I had an accident at work and got an electric shock. 220 volts of electricity went straight to my heart. My whole body was shaking. I was alone in the office and I couldn't turn the power off.
I said, “Master help!” and the power was miraculously shut off. Master saved me. I am deeply grateful. I thought this happened to me only because I was afraid of electricity, and I didn't give it any more thought.
In 2009, Practitioner C passed away. His leaving had a negative impact on his friends, colleagues, neighbors, and fellow practitioners.
In 2010, Practitioner A asked me to coordinate experience sharing meetings. I was to find practitioners from other areas who could share their experiences about how they coordinated their efforts in a timely and efficient manner. In this way our local coordinators could improve our local coordination work.
I didn't think this was a very good idea, but I was eventually talked into doing it by Practitioner A. During the process, I experienced a lot of interference. I ran short of time for Fa-study. My self-validation attachments were stirred up while I was coordinating the meetings.
As a result, Practitioner A and I were arrested while clarifying the truth. We were both sentenced to a year of forced labor.
This was just like what Master said:
“There are always some among our students who wish to display their brilliance, to show how learned they are, or how lofty their realizations are. Sooner or later they get into trouble.” (“If the Attachment to Showing Off Isn’t Eliminated, the Danger is Great (With a Comment from Master)”)
The time in the labor camp was a big detour in my cultivation. My term was extended twice. Even though I submitted a solemn declaration again, I did so with deep regret.
In the labor camp, I looked inward very hard. I examined myself thoroughly, but I never thought that attending the experience sharing meetings was disrupting the Fa. Because I didn't have a clear understanding on this, I didn't effectively clean up the unrighteous remarks I heard at those meetings. As a result, my righteous thoughts and faith in Master and the Fa were compromised. I almost followed an evil path under the influence of fear, the show-off mentality, and jealousy.
In hindsight, all of my recent big tribulations were the result of my self-validation. This is my fundamental attachment: Using Dafa to validate myself and taking credit that didn't belong to me.
After I read “Giving Speeches Amounts to Disrupting the Fa,” I finally understood: All of the speakers, attendees, and organizers of these meetings are disrupting the Fa. They are ruining themselves and other Dafa disciples. They are assisting the evil persecution. Cultivation is difficult in and of itself. If we then add such tremendous karma to ourselves, how can we pass the tribulation? That's why I have been repeatedly persecuted. That is also why I had the accident involving the electric shock. I would have been long gone without Master's protection.
Master had already told us these truths of the Fa in many lectures. It's just that I didn't study the Fa with my heart and didn't evaluate myself according to the Fa. I was so busy doing things, I didn't even know that I was sabotaging the Fa! I thought I was doing good things.
Master said in his comments on the article “Spreading and Reading Fake Teachings Disrupts the Fa:”
“As long as you are interested in fake Fa-teachings; as long as you are interested in hearsay; and as long as you have human hearts to disrupt the Fa, you will receive such things and read them. Your human hearts, at any moment, could pull you down and cause you to lose the destiny to cultivate Dafa.”
“The circulation of those writings among Dafa disciples arises to target these people’s human attachments. And the situation of disrupting the Fa is also caused by these people.”
I not only attended the sharing myself, I also dragged Practitioners B and C along and caused them to incur the same sinful karma. I cannot say that the death of Practitioner C had nothing to do with this.
Master said in his comments to the article “Spreading and Reading Fake Teachings Disrupts the Fa:”
“For those people who spread and read false Fa-teachings, it’s not just a simple matter of human attachments. Those false Fa-lectures, hearsay and words that disrupt the Fa that you pass off have harmed so many cultivators and caused them to lose their historic opportunity. It is huge sinful karma that no one can pay off.”
I would like to express my deepest regret to Master and Practitioners B and C. I am very thankful for the Minghui editorial. I cannot imagine how much Master has sacrificed to extend my cultivation opportunity.
When I was writing this article, I had a dream. In an open field, people sat in several rows. I was in the front row. There was a tall building across from the field. Suddenly, a person jumped off the building and fell to his death. His blood splashed onto my left leg. I said, “Ah” and woke up.
I knew in my dream the person had committed suicide, but I was not afraid or surprised. When his blood got on my trousers, I thought, “Oh, my pants are dirty now.” I didn't care about the person. I was numb.
I understood that Master was giving me a tip. The person was the speaker who had disrupted the Fa. He seemed to be very “high-up,” after all, he was on top of the building. However, he was ruining himself with such huge sinful karma.
The people in the open field were the hosts and attendees at the sharing meetings. If we didn't provide an audience, the person wouldn't incur so much karma. We didn't know that the person was ruining himself. We were numb.
The blood on my trousers meant that I was polluted by his bad remarks. When I wrote this part, I suddenly realized that the evil specters behind his remarks went into my left leg. I recalled that while I was sending forth righteous thoughts, I had felt for several days that my left leg was heavy, muddy, dirty, and numb. I am very grateful for Master's hints!
I humbly ask once again for forgiveness from Master and fellow practitioners.
My purpose in writing this article is to expose the evil, clean and disintegrate the evil, and completely negate the arrangements of the old evil forces. I will rectify my thoughts with the Fa, study the Fa more often with a calm heart, and become a genuine Dafa disciple in solid cultivation.