(Clearwisdom.net) I am a practitioner who has made mistakes with respect to the relationship between men and women. Although I knew my improper behavior was very wrong, I did not have a strong will to stop it, and I spent three years completely ending this relationship.
After I conducted myself badly, I constantly read sharing articles on the Minghui website on how fellow practitioners got rid of the attachment of lust. I also studied Master's relevant lectures on this issue. At that time, however, a very strong thought kept surfacing in my mind: “You are so disgraceful, you don't deserve to be saved by Dafa.” I could not maintain a strong main consciousness while strongly condemning myself. I couldn't focus on cultivation. Also, because of the mistakes I had made, my physical condition deteriorated. Most worrisome, when I studied the Fa, I couldn't enlighten to any principles. At night when I had dreams, they all took place in filthy places such as restrooms, where I couldn't stay at all.
At that time, I had very weak righteous thoughts. However, because it's the Fa rectification period and many projects need manpower, I tried my best to finish any task assigned to me and also harmonize with other practitioners whenever they needed help. Whenever fellow practitioners told me they needed help, I tried my best to help them. Master never gave up on me; perhaps He saw I still had the heart for working with other practitioners to save people.
Gradually, I found that when I devoted myself to Dafa projects wholeheartedly, I no longer had time to think about those lustful things. When I studied the Fa, I enlightened to the principles again. At the same time, I also read practitioners' sharing articles about getting rid of the attachment of lust by reciting the Fa. Thus, I started to recite the Fa.
In the beginning, I had a lot of interference and my body began to extensively eliminate the karma. By memorizing the Fa, I finally woke up completely and my main consciousness became strong. I completely ended my improper relationship and behavior.
Even today, I still feel my attachment of lust hasn't been fully eliminated. My attachment manifests in my wish to always wear elegant and graceful clothes. I like to hear others praise me, and I also like to be appreciated by other people. I had all of these attachments in the past, but I was not able to realize that they came from the attachment of lust. Since I realized I still have the attachment of lust, I sent more righteous thoughts to get rid of it.
The biggest lesson I learned from this is that we need to seriously examine ourselves when studying the Fa. We should never think Master is not talking about us. Many times when I study the Fa now, if I examine myself and dig out my attachments, I realize many issues Master talks about in the Fa are related to me. As Dafa practitioners, we should not deny that we have attachments, or be afraid to admit having them. The worst thing is to not identify our attachments and try to cover them up, while not cultivating ourselves.
I want to remind fellow practitioners who made the same mistakes and those who haven't fully eliminated the attachment of sexual desire: There isn't much time left, hurry up and cultivate yourself diligently. If you focus on saving sentient beings, you won't get entangled in such low level things.