(Clearwisdom.net)
Struggling in a Sea of Suffering
Since I was a child, I had suffered from many serious diseases. Even before I was ten years old, I had skin ulcers all over my body. Every March or April, they would come back, and I could not wear any clothes. Instead, I shivered in the sun while covered in mud. When I was 16, my father died of cancer after two years of struggle. My brother died at the age of 36 of the same kind of cancer. When I was 39, I was diagnosed with multiple illnesses, including pneumonia, kidney problems, and a uterine tumor. I was informed I needed the tumor removed immediately to prevent potential cancer from spreading.
In late 1996, I went to an ob/gyn hospital to have the tumor removed. The doctors and nurses were laughing and joking during the operation, and they forgot a piece of gauze and sewed it inside me. They had to open me up again. It took them even longer to find the gauze than the initial operation. My husband waited from 8 a.m. to nearly 3 p.m. at the hospital. This time they sewed my bladder to my uterus! In the next five days, I suffered from serious infections in my bladder. I was in so much pain that my face turned purple. I could not control my bladder. I was on IV therapy for 25 days. There were pus and blood in my urine. I couldn't eat anything and was constantly nauseated. My kidneys hurt terribly. My pneumonia, which was starting to get better, began to flare up again. I felt feverish and had headaches. My neck and back were stiff. My eyes hurt. No drugs helped. I could only wait and suffer.
The hospital kept harassing us for payment, which we could not afford. My husband was angry and resentful, yet he was afraid of offending the doctors. On the 35th day, he forced me to leave the hospital as he could not take it anymore. He said I should just go home and wait for my death. But I did not want to die yet. I had two young children and an elderly mother. I had hoped to look for a Taoist master or go to Tibet to search for special healing methods, but I was in no condition to go anywhere. I did not want to give up hope. I prayed for a miracle.
Three Days of Lectures Healed All My Illnesses
I was extremely fortunate to be introduced to Falun Dafa on September 12, 1997. The person who told me about Falun Dafa worried I would die at the practice site, but she took pity on me because I was in such pain. The people at the practice site were all very friendly and were not afraid of how weak I looked. They taught me the exercises patiently. They also pointed me to a young girl named Xiaotang, and said that within one month of practicing Falun Dafa, all of her illnesses were healed. I looked at her smiling face with hope, and wondered when I would be as fortunate as she.
After the exercises, the practitioners recommended that I buy a set of Falun Dafa books. Although I did not have much money, I bought them out of respect for the practitioners. I thought that, since they did not reject me because of my illness, I should listen to them and spend more time with them. I watched the video of Master's Jinan lecture with them, but couldn't help falling asleep. I was very embarrassed when I woke up, yet could not stay awake. After three days, all of my illnesses were gone. Usually my hands were swollen, but then they were normal. It was truly wonderful! I no longer needed drugs to sustain my formerly painful life.
Seeing the changes in me, both of my children began practicing. My husband was an atheist himself, but brought half a dozen of his coworkers over to learn the exercises. My home was crowded with people wanting to learn the practice. Some even had to stand on the bed because there was no room left on the floor. I was amazed by the drastic changes around me. It was as though all of a sudden a person like me, whom everyone wanted to avoid, turned into a respected role model. Although I was not well educated, I taught the practice to those who had higher educations. I felt great and thought that my life was extremely meaningful.
In my heart, I said to myself thousands of times, "Falun Dafa is great. Truth-Compassion-Forbearance is great. Master is great." I told everyone I met how wonderful Dafa was. When I was walking or riding my bike, I felt light as a feather. I recited Master's poems and did the exercises diligently. I felt very warm everywhere. I wanted to be a good person, so on a stormy day, I took a detour to a neighbor's workplace to deliver a poncho on my way to my daughter's school. Although I was soaking wet and was sloshing in the water, I didn't feel cold at all. When the rain stopped and the sun came out, my clothes dried very quickly.
Validating Dafa During Persecution
When the persecution began in 1999, the Chinese Communist Party started to slander Falun Gong and Master. My heart was in pain. In order not to be influenced by the lies, I locked myself inside my apartment and studied the Fa. I felt my heart was bleeding because I had lost my fellow practitioners. My husband grew up in a CCP-controlled environment and was afraid of what might happen. He stopped doing the exercises and stopped me from going outside to promote Falun Gong. He tried to make me listen to the CCP's news media, but I refused. When he insisted, I used cotton balls to plug my ears so that I could not hear the lies. He was very angry and tried to take my Dafa books away from me. I endured his kicks and fists in order to protect the books. When he pushed too hard, I opened the window and told him that I would jump out of the third-floor window if he took away the books. He backed off. Actually, I would not really have killed myself, as Master said that suicide is a form of killing as well.
As a Dafa disciple, I needed to restore Dafa and Master's reputation. It was my responsibility. When my husband went to work or slept, I copied truth-clarification materials by hand and mailed them. I would mail three to six at a time. Once, my husband found out. Because the CCP coerced my husband to watch me 24 hours a day, I looked for excuses to spend time alone so I could clarify the facts. Sometimes the CCP pressured him so badly that he glared at me angrily and beat me. Regardless of what he did, I tried to explain the facts of the persecution and the benefits of the practice to everyone I met. Many people learned the facts this way.
After the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party was published, I went back to the people who had learned the persecution facts from me and encouraged them to quit the CCP. Every day, three or four people quit. I also clarify the facts when I was shopping. No one tried to report me to the police. Some even tried to protect me.
As a Dafa disciple, I am always considerate of others. Once when I was buying leeks, the salesperson said it would be one yuan per jin (1.1 pounds). I said, "Everyone else is charging two yuan. I don't want you to charge me less or cause any problem for you. Why don't I pay you two yuan per jin?" He and his wife both said they were grateful to see someone so considerate. I used this opportunity to clarify the facts and encouraged them to quit the CCP. After learning the facts, all of his family members quit the CCP.
Often when we clarified the facts, the ordinary people we spoke to would spread the details of our encounter. Although I only paid one yuan more, four lives were saved. Of course I needed to consistently clarify the facts and save people. We must let go of all attachments, including that to life. At the farmers' markets, I used bills with the facts of the persecution written on them. It was easy to convince the people there. I think it was probably because the evil factors had been eliminated in other dimensions. There are three farmers' markets near me, and they are fairly safe environments. Recently, I have been trying to talk with the police officers that follow me. I used the wisdom bestowed upon me by Master. Although I did not talk about the persecution directly, I could feel that they were moved by my compassion. I don't want them to commit crimes against Dafa disciples--I want to pave the way for them to quit the CCP in the future.
I have also run into Buddhists and Muslims. Sometimes, three or four of them have quit a day. They are generally less willing to quit the CCP. I tell them that Falun Gong is here to save people and that Truth-Compassion-Forbearance is the standard of a good person. All they need to remember is that Falun Dafa is great. This will help keep them safe during disasters. It also doesn't interfere with their faiths.
Everyday, I can convince 10 to 20 people to quit the CCP. Many people have quit the CCP after talking to me.
I also ran into four people who were practitioners at one time but stopped practicing. I told them to be clearheaded. Master has been waiting, and time is running out. The reason that the time line has been extended again and again is that Master is waiting for the disciples to reach the standard and return home with him. We hugged each other. I saw tears in their eyes.
Once when I was meditating, I saw roses covering half of the sky. I knew Master showed it to me to encourage me. Everything I am doing is under Master's compassionate protection. Over the last 13 years, Master has made thorough arrangements for me. "The cultivation is up to you, gong is up to the master." (Zhuan Falun) As long as we have the desire to save people, Master will arrange for those with predestined relationships to find us and learn the facts. Dafa disciples clarify the facts to people so they can have a beautiful future. Saving people is every disciple's mission.
Thank you, Master. Thank you, Dafa disciples from around the world. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.