(Clearwisdom.net) I am a veteran practitioner who began practicing Falun Dafa in 1997. I am thirty six years old. We are a family of three, with my son being but a few years old. Our home is our truth clarification materials production center, and we are the only people creating materials in our area. I started memorizing the Fa two years ago, and since doing so I have experienced a renewed sense in cultivation all over again.
When the evil regime first started persecuting Falun Dafa, I was imprisoned for over a year, and I subsequently became less diligent. My mind was filled with a kind of false enlightenment from that experience. It's as though I couldn't be diligent even though I wanted to be. I felt that I tried my hardest to cultivate, but I just couldn't make any breakthroughs.
In 2002, I married another practitioner. Unknowingly, we've progressively developed stronger husband and wife affections for each other. At the time, I could barely sense its seriousness, but I didn't realize that I had fallen into such a pitfall. When strong affections develop between people, problems typically became more outstanding in the family. Before I started memorizing the Fa, there was almost never a day without a quarrel.
After my husband purchased a computer at home, he became more and more indulged in it. He became less diligent when he studied the Fa or did the exercises. He was even drowsy when he sent forth righteous thoughts and he no longer helped make truth clarification materials. I became worried and constantly nagged him. Under the influence of strong personal affections, there were times that I felt extremely depressed. At times I found myself trying to persuade him with kind words while at other times I severely scolded and criticized him. This persisted over a number of years. As a cultivator, I shouldn't lose my temper, but I found it to be simply unbearable at times. Every time he shot back at me, I stirred with anger. I was clearly aware that my attitude wasn't right. I shared experiences with other practitioners in hopes of finding ways to change my husband. My first thought wasn't to search inward, but to change the other person. The end result was the same, and every day we continued fighting. I was in so much psychological anguish. I tried searching within myself. Was it an attachment to competition? Was it jealousy? Or was it affection? At the moment when it mattered, I just couldn't endure it. Cultivation seemed very hard. I even wept in front of Teacher's portrait, begging him for help.
At that time, I felt that this trial at home would be the end of me! Then finally one day, Teacher arranged for another practitioner to come to our area to share experiences with me in memorizing the Fa. He told me that memorizing the Fa could solve all my problems, so I made up my mind to do so. Since I started in November 2008, I've managed to memorize and recite Zhuan Falun three times.
As I memorized the Fa, I discovered that I was discarding my attachments little by little without noticing it. The Fa has also revealed to me many of its principles. I realized that the reason I couldn't pass the trials at home was because I couldn't let go of affection for my husband. Love and hate are both aspects of affection. If I treated him like a regular guest, would I still care so much about his behavior? After I let go of my attachment, whenever my husband did something I disliked, when he became lax, or when his words provoked me, I was much calmer than before and never again quarreled with him. After I discarded these affections, anything he said would no longer affect me. Only by doing away with affections can true compassion manifest itself. I really found myself to be more compassionate than ever before. I no longer carried such strong emotions and sense of self when I spoke to people. Instead, my words have become more peaceful and compassionate. I experienced this due to memorizing the Fa.
When clarifying the truth face to face, in order to truly move the other person, I believe there must be a field of compassion. So this affection between husband and wife, man and woman, friends and colleagues, which includes love, hate, etc., must be totally discarded through cultivation. This will have a major positive effect on clarifying the truth and saving people. One time after I gave some pamphlets to a colleague, she told me that she left them in her hotel and didn't have time to read them. She had in fact put them back in my office cabinets. When I clarified the truth to her, she told me that I was clarifying the truth to the wrong person. I began understanding that her behavior was due to my affections. My own field wasn't clean and this was obstructing her from being saved.
I was bitterly entwined in my affections, and for a long time, I couldn't be diligent. In hindsight, I was really trapped, and continually sealing myself off with the threads of my personal affections. Thankfully, after I began memorizing the Fa I finally found the power to discard my attachments, due to the power granted by the Fa. In earlier days, practitioners discussed among themselves the endless issues in cultivation. I'd always asked other practitioners this or that question, how to resolve problems, and how to act. It was really time consuming and the problems remained endless. I was able to resolve my problems with help from other practitioners, but it wasn't due to understanding the Fa principles and improved my level. Now that I am memorizing the Fa, I was able to resolve everything from my understanding of the Fa.
Dafa is omnipotent. As long as we take the Fa as our teacher, Teacher will always be by our side. After a dozen or so years of cultivation, I am now able to truly understand that the "Fa" is "Teacher" and is persistently guiding us.
I discovered that there are situations of demonic interference when studying and memorizing the Fa. One form is outside interference. For instance, whenever I begin reciting the Fa, there might be people coming by to see me, sometimes a guest arrives, a friend might stop by asking for favors, or loud music might be playing. When this happens I send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the interference and become determined that nothing will stop me from studying the Fa! The interference then quickly disperses. Another form of interference comes from our own bodies, which can be very baffling. I understood that this form of interference comes from our karma, our bad thoughts and notions. When our righteous thoughts are weak and we fail to distinguish the source of the interference, our thinking won't be clear, and we could mistake these thoughts as having originated from our own nature. This will then interfere with our Fa study. When I first began memorizing the Fa, my mind filled with all sorts of distracting thoughts after a short while. One day I planned to spend the entire morning memorizing the Fa, and after a while, my mind became very distracted. I could no longer stand the state of loneliness and wanted to do something else. I noticed that my ability to enter meditation was poor and the problem originated from within my own body. I had previously frequently tried to memorize the Fa as I made truth clarification materials, but I wasn't able to do so peacefully. A fellow practitioner later said to me, "You shouldn't make materials while you memorize the Fa." I had been looking for excuses to justify my actions. How else would I find the time to make materials, go to work, and memorize the Fa?
In 2008 I truly started memorizing the Fa. I did it every morning after sending forth righteous thoughts, and again after lunch. When I really made an effort to memorize the Fa, viewing it as the foremost task, I seemed to have more time than before. I now personally feel that memorizing the Fa can improve a cultivator very quickly and efficiently. In the process of memorizing the Fa, many bad matters will be discarded. These matters are live beings and will fight to interfere with your mind, causing you to think "Forget it, memorizing the Fa is too hard..." In reality none of these thoughts come from our true nature.
When I began memorizing Zhuan Falun for the third time, I recited an average of six pages per day. My mind felt clear, and I was able to search inward to find many of my attachments. My xinxing improved very quickly, and I felt very relaxed. I now spend at least four to five hours per day memorizing the Fa, sometimes even six to seven hours, not to mention taking time to send forth righteous thoughts. I nonetheless alway still have time for making truth clarification materials. Everything feels more efficient and time seems more abundant. I previously felt that there wasn't time to read the website, download things, or send e-mails. There always seemed to be something obstructing me. I later understood that these obstructions were my own attachments, my affections in particular. Since my husband is involved in technology, I typically relied on him for many computer-related tasks, but I am now able to do more myself and rely on him less and less. I remember Teacher once told us,
"In the past, ancient people did things very quickly. They could walk a hundred li a day, and horses could travel one thousand li. They didn't lie." ("Teaching the Fa at the Assistants' Fa Conference in Changchun")
People in today's society no longer have this capability. I have come to understand that by always placing the Fa first and using more time to study the Fa with our hearts, our xinxing will naturally improve quickly, and saving sentient beings will be more efficient. It's such a wonderful thing.
Looking back on earlier times, I was in a state of constant anxiety in saving people, busy studying the Fa, and feeling the time pressure. It was all very messy, and none of these tasks was done well. The essential problem was priority. I didn't place Fa study above all else, and I wasn't able to study the Fa on a deep level. Memorizing the Fa is a highly effective way to study the Fa, and has many benefits. It's something wonderful that I can't do without. I am eternally grateful for Teacher's teachings, and I thank my fellow practitioners for their advice and sharing time and time again.